Directed by Kevin Smith

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier

"Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're talking to themselves."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by Howard Shore
Cinematography by Robert D. Yeoman
Editing by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier

"You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like, be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform... and fuck it. And people'd be like, 'There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once.'"

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by James L. Venable
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Kevin Smith

"You know, I think you ought to get him some help. He seems to be really hung up on super heroes' sex organs."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by Ira Newborn
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Paul Dixon

"What the fuck is the Internet?"
"The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by James L. Venable
Cinematography by Jamie Anderson
Editing by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier

"My mom and dad are very religious. At night I hear them scream "Jesus"!"

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by James L. Venable
Cinematography by Vilmos Zsigmond
Editing by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier

"I used to think life was all about me. I was the hero of my own story, a Bruce Wayne of one lifelong issue of Detective Comics, so for speak. And then that kid came along and suddenly you realize you're not Bruce Wayne anymore. You're Thomas Wayne. Or Bruce Wayne's mom, whose name escapes me."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by James L. Venable
Cinematography by Yaron Levy
Editing by Kevin Smith

"She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away. So, I've spent every day since then chasing Amy... so to speak."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by David Pirner
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier

"I fear God. You better believe I fear God."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Kevin Smith

"I'm gonna fuck you with my penis!"

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by James L. Venable
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Kevin Smith

"I could knit the fuck outta a big nice sweater!"

Written by Robb Cullen and Mark Cullen
Music by Harold Faltermeyer
Cinematography by David Klein
Editing by Kevin Smith

"It's good to cry. It separates us from the animals. Shows you have a soul."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by Christopher Drake
Cinematography by James Laxton
Editing by Kevin Smith

"Jay and Silent Bob are like C-3PO and R2-D2. They've been here since the first movie, which was the last time they were cool, but they've been with the franchise so long, they still give them cameos and put them on the lunch boxes."

Written by Kevin Smith
Music by James L. Venable
Cinematography by Learan Kahanov
Editing by Kevin Smith