Around the World in Video Games

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Sunny Colorado

We begin our journey in my backyard, the Rocky Mountains (y'know, of Coors Light fame). I had just walked out one day and for some reason (maybe it was the feeling of restlessness I saw reflected in a veil of clouds passing quietly overhead, maybe it was the angry call I received from my bookie - I don't know - I'm not a psychologist), I decided to go for a run. I had my reasons, and so I left and just kept on going...

Mizzurna Falls - PlayStation

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Me and Utah

I had turned west chasing the sun hoping to find a new face in the mirror but instead found myself knickers-deep in Mormonland. I was getting tired of all this running, so I hitched a ride with my pioneer friends on the Oregon Trail and they hitched one of their girls on me. It was a bum trade. But at least my dogs weren't barking.

6.9

The Oregon Trail - Apple II

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Nevada's No-Man's Land

After ditching my toothless Mormon wife, Nibbles, I decided it was time to quantum shift back to an age of vice and sin, an age where a kid can be a kid again. Las Vegas, baby. Some kind of military turf war was going down, but it was of no concern to me. I only knew I was late meeting my friend Balrog for cocktails and waitresses. And Balrog's not a patient man.

7.3

Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas - PlayStation 3

6.8

Street Fighter II - Game Boy

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California Screaming

Back on the spacetime road again and for the better. Balrog squared away my bookie situation, but Vegas fell like a house of cards with all the gunfire. I guess the House loses in the end. I got every reason to go back to Colorado now, but I must be losing my mind. I see little eyes watching me in every shadow, in every window. Something's wrong. Did I slip into the wrong time? This ain't the San Fran I left my heart in. What game did I stumble into?

Manhunter 2: San Francisco - PC Games

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The Organ Trail

I managed to escape California, or what was left of it, and limped my aching backside into Oregon. Somehow, I had timeslipped into a post-apocalyptic America where President Travolta was quarantining all mutant-Americans on the west coast. My spacetime dilator was in need of some adjusting, and my spirit was in need of some firewater. Or at least a neck rub. In any case, imagine my horror when I realized I had left my spare spacetime dilator back in Utah with the Mormons. Imagine my shock when I saw zombie Nibbles, my one-time ex, heading straight for me, with a caravan of undead missionaries and settlers in tow.

The Organ Trail - Android

I recently took out a huge loan from the Mob to finish construction of my life's true vision, the spacetime dilator -- a semi-magical device allowing its user to phase seamlessly in and out of the vast continuum of parallel (and even perpendicular) universes. For years I have carried out painstaking experiments (mostly in the kitchen) and have discovered in my lonesome wanderings through spacetime that it is perfectly legitimate to violate the Law of Mass-Energy Conservation as long as this breach occurs entirely within Heisenberg's uncertainty, i.e., a time interval so fleeting that it cannot be measured. There, in that strange un-fuzzy focal point of time, I learned you could leap into video game worlds as if they were real. It'll like totally change the way we play video games, dudes!

Join me, then, in this backward dimension over the horizon, around the world in video games...

Update: lol, i completely forgot about this list. needless to say, it is not finished...