Review of House of the Dead

These are zombies, pure and simple.

What an insightful observation. It made me realize how crappy a director Uwe Boll really is. He completely shattered my favorite video game with his lower than low film adaptation. Not only is there no show of Dr. Curien in the film (his use of the name as the protagonist's last name does NOT count), but there is also NO mansion, fat chainsaw-wielding zombies, undead dogs, monkeys, and the rest of the undead which were featured in the games. Instead, we are left with a mishmash of a teenage horror flick, plus "raise your eyebrows" type of zombies, covered in tattered cloth and mummy-like skin, and equally raspy moans. WTH?!!
A group of teenagers travel to a deserted island despite warnings of local shipmen in order to attend the so-called "party of the year", hosted by Sega (by an 'uncanny' twist of fate, the party host is the company who helmed the HotD video game series). When they arrive, the entire party site is deserted, but it doesn't take long for the undead to swarm the entire forest, picking off the teenagers one by one.
Although Uwe Boll tried to achieve a video game quandary by inserting video game clip shots throughout the film, the result was a dizzy, unnecessary addition to an already crappy film.
Please. DO NOT see this film.