Not very good. Hear me out.

English is not my native language so I apologize for the errors that are bound to exist.

Originally written in May 26, 2019.

WARNING, WARNING. This might be long.

This review is going to be centered around a particular aspect: realism.
Is dark fantasy, I know, but with limited fantasy elements. Because of that, I hope that it would try to be as realistic a possible with the other aspects, to help you immerse in the medieval atmosphere. But no.

Realism is good. Makes things more complicated and serious and dire and all that cool stuff. You know. Is one of the reasons ASOIAF is so fucking good. The politics, regular life, war, you name it.

IS NOT TRYING TO BE REALISTIC!

Well, is not trying to be that fantastical either. So, the fact that they cut through armor like is not fucking there, pisses me off.

Is for spectacle, I know. But it makes thing more boring to me. Is not even Guts who does this, ALL of them do. Like is fucking clothes!
Hey! Even padded clothes can give you some protection against swords. So, the fact that metal amour can’t do shit, pisses me off.

It gets in the way of the story too. Griffith gets shot with an arrow (episode 9). That would not have happened if the animators and writers didn't thought that armor doesn't do shit. An arrow is not going to have an easy time piercing armor. You see, armors were very good at their job. They wore it for a reason.

Is probably Miura´s fault, anyway.

Shoot the bastard in the head or the neck or in any other moment when he’s not wearing the armor. The killer could miss; even tho he’s supposed to be really good. But still, more acceptable. Nobody is perfect.

Maybe Griffith goes to one knee or something, and the arrow flies above him. Convenient, yes, but still better. That´s how bad it is!

Is not impossible, but not in the goddamn breastplate.

You know what? They could have poison him. Or push him from a balcony.

“Sorry. I guess the hawk can't fly”.

You attack him on the street, a robbery gone bad. Better that a hunting accident. There were people around him, they didn't see no fucking deer. What if they catch the killer?

“Sorry, sir. I confused this white-haired man in a suit of armor with a deer. I know, I’m as surprised as you are”.

Hand to hand combat is less entertaining when you ignored the efficiency of armor. The characters attack without thinking, without a strategy, without tactics. And because armor doesn't do shit, they have to think even less.

It seems to me, it will be more fun to see them suffer, sweat and use their heads to make the enemy trip up and fall, to then stab their eyes through the slits of their visors. Or to find other ways. Or hit them with a war hammer in their faces. Or throw hot sand or hot oil. Or shoot them with a cannonball.

Hey! That would be useful. Why don’t they use more cannons? They have them. I remember two from early on. But they mysteriously disappeared after that. I guess they realized that cannons fuck castles up and kinda make them obsolete. Well, too fucking late! I can’t stop thinking about all the moments where they could have use them.

…

What next? Right. The strategies and military tactics are … competent? Is hard to give them too much weight, because the rivals are all retarded. You know who I mean. Tall, muscular, with a funny haircut; a very incompetent commander. And yet, despite that, he’s condecorated and they keep giving him missions. Amazing!

He loses a castle in episode 8. Leaving aside that the design of the castle is inefficient despite being an important one and being in a place where the natural protection is not perfect. The way that it is captured, is stupid, and pisses me off.

The offensive strategy is okay … until a certain extent. They get in through a door because the guards don’t ask for any certificate or think twice before opening the door to people they do not know. Very incompetent, and to think that these are the people in charge of this important castle. Lazy writing, my friend.

The battles are generally not good, there´s no strategy in open field. They do think a bit when they take places, but these just work because every enemy is dumb. Griffith doesn’t need to think much. And that’s why is really hard to believe that he is a great general. He’s not. He’s at best competent. He just happens to be surrounded by idiots.

But wait! It gets worse. In episode 15 and 16 we get to know the impenetrable castle that has NEVER been beaten in a hundred years. The castle is again badly design, with no full working battlements, no gatehouse, among other things. Again, the offensive strategy is okay … until a certain point.

Besides the fact that the Band of the Hawk send their cavalry with just swords, the fucking idiots. The problems are the ineptitude by the castle defense and plot armor for the Band of the Hawk. At least some kind of armor works here.

The Chuda army or whatever that fuck they're called, leaves the door open with two guards in front … Are you fucking kidding me? That’s so dumb. Is also a problem that nobody notices that little hawk group trying to sneak. Yeah, there was a little sandstorm, which is very convenient, but I guess Griffith knew it would happen despite us not being told this.
He can predict the weather, fuck it.

Anyway! There is a tower called the watchtower, use for ... watching stuff. You want me to believe that no one could see them or hear them? They were on horseback … riding! They were not even walking to make as little noise as possible. If there's not a watchtower, then is a massive design problem in such an important castle. Anyway, why is there no fucking archer or crossbowman in the battlements? Is stupid, and pisses me off.

They get in, and a little group has been left inside under the command of the more stupid and ridiculous character of the show. I don’t need a comic relief in the antagonist side in such high command. It kinda reduces the danger, don’t you think?

What a horrible military administration. Is a stupid decision to leave something under the command of fucking Adon. How that fuck he has such a high rank? Christ!

The castle looks pretty big, and knowing that the hawks are few in comparison, is stupid to send all of your troops outside. Is stupid already to send you troops outside of your protection. We barely see the battle inside and without really knowing how, they win.

BUT THE NOBLEMEN REALLY WANTS TO FUCK HIM. He could just have leave the entire Band of the Hawk die trying to take the castle, and when the commander, that if he has a brain will be running away, send your troops to captured him. That way he could have fuck him and at the same time look smart. Is that too much to ask? Bloody hell!

Every enemy is retarded. It smells like convenience instead of a character flaw. His emotions are not enough for being so incompetent. There was no reason to risk anything. And lets no forget, he’s fucking plain and boring. What a great villain.

Outside of the castle, the Band of the Hawk manages to hold a superior force, better protected, better armed, better fed, better trained and way more numerous. Like I said, when is an open field battle, there’s no sign of strategy or tactics and the Band of the Hawk has so much plot armor that hurts … And pisses me off. We don’t even get to see the fight!

In the same episode, 16, Adon lets loose a poisoned arrow into Casca. She gets a little bit tired, but nothing really happens at the end. She doesn’t die or gets sick. Even his poisons are shit.

…

There is no tension because the hawks fuck everything easily. Specially Guts, killing dozens and dozens of fucks all on his own. I mean, the guy killed a hundred men!! Oh boy, episode 13 in the forest. I come to accept that Guts is superhuman, despite that making everything more boring. But why didn’t they shoot arrow after arrow if nobody could beat him at close? I so stupid! A hundred men? They ALL DIE because you could not loose some arrows. I mean, if the first ten die, it might be time to change your approach. I guess it doesn’t matter, after all ... his cape stops arrows! WTF. Armor cero, cape one.

Guts should have die.

…

Then the show goes okay. The Queen and the conspirator die without any character exploration so I don’t care. They decide not to jump to safety and a few broken bones and instead they stay so they can burn to dead. Kinda shit. I seem better in basically everything. Well done, guys.

Later on they have to rescue Griffith. Again, Guts is so fucking boring wining easily. And again, no one thought of shooting some arrows until it was too late. The same thing happens when daddy hawk gets captured again, and that makes even less sense because it was in a open field.

And the scene ends, they win, and we don’t get to see how. And they all survived.
I’m starting to see a pattern.

“In this world. Is humankind destiny controlled by an entity or transcendent law? Could it be the hand of God? One thing is true, every enemy, is fucking retarded.”

Can we fix Adon? Yeah. His father could be high rank and he’s forcing Adon’s presence. But even then there would be a line and Adon would have crossed it. He would be sacked!

…

Animation is weaker that I remember. Mouths just open and close like Pac-Man, is like they’re not actually saying anything. Is weird.

The main trio is weaker as well. Guts is still decent, I guess, personality wise. Griffith is mediocre because his military side is garbage. The show does not earn the right to make you think he’s really smart. He’s not. I don’t like any of them.

I do like Caska, tho, she’s great. There’s nothing on her character that doesn’t work. The rest of the cast is forgettable.

I don’t like it anymore.

5/10.

Alaoz!