Overhyped, pointlessly lengthy crap!

The New World is director Terrence Malick's take on the story of Pocahontas. Over the decades, Malick has certainly developed multitudes of faithful and loyal fans that devotedly lap up anything Malick releases, no matter the actual quality of the product. Malick's last movie, The Thin Red Line, was a spectacular war film flaunting visually beautiful visuals. However, he misses the mark with The New World by a country mile. It's an irritatingly lengthy, unfocused, pretentious, irretrievably boring mound of elephant dung supposedly disguised as "true cinematic art". While Malick presents visually arresting cinematography and eye-catching scenery, there's a gargantuan lack of focus when it comes to a solid story or narrative. This unfocused story results in a disjointed, mindless, nonsensical, shallow succession of shots passed off as a movie. This is an abysmal film that runs at roughly 150 minutes, yet honestly feels like 4 hours!

The story was not properly told, instead it was shown. If done right it could yield wonderful results, yet Malick's script is truly awful here. The script jumps from one scene to another with HUGE plot holes and unforgivable gaps in the timeline. The New World is so difficult to get into because it's impossible to follow with a non-existent plot driving the proceedings. I was constantly wondering what just happened and more importantly WHY?! To me, it seemed every shot was as unnecessary as the one preceding it. Malick appears to be so self-deluded that he's under the false impression that his stunning visuals create a masterpiece. Predictably, his loyal fans appear to take his side. But in the long run, films are made to tell an important story and/or to entertain. The New World suffers so severely because it doesn't tell a story...it doesn't even have a story! It's certainly not a slice of entertainment either. The result is a ponderously-paced film with a transparent story that's incoherent beyond all comprehension.

The love story feels so artificial as well. It's supposed to be beautiful, but the payoff at the end is simply not worth your time. It's a build-up to absolutely nothing! Furthermore, there is no hook to keep an audience engaged. We're dropped into a world we have no prior knowledge of and are expected to lap it up effortlessly. There is just no spark!

It's crucial to note a number of things regarding Malick's army of fanboys. These fans appear to worship the man and every frame he produces. They are convinced that Malick is the final word in filmmaking...the guardian of movie genius. Worse yet, they're under the embarrassing false impression that anyone who doesn't share their enthusiasm for the director's work must be a churlish animal frequently seeking entertainment in the works of Michael Bay. The fact of the matter is that Malick fans are unable to prove adequate reasoning or articulate illumination on what makes The New World a "cinematic masterpiece". Instead they opt for childish and shallow statements...proving that they are lacking as much genuine depth as Malick's cinematic creations. Their insulting pomposity also states that anyone who doesn't like The New World is just an "average movie watcher" as opposed to a "real lover of cinema". These fans place so much faith in their opinions, which of course are impeccable and so much superior to the opinions of others.
Well, this is coming from someone whose favourite movies are generally even longer than this flick: The New World is an abysmally over-hyped, excruciatingly boring, inarticulate, pedestrian-paced mess! When I wasn't relentlessly bored, I was embarrassed to be hearing the ridiculous, childish monotony of the pseudo-poetic inner monologues. Malick passes off his awful dialogue as something lyrical and poetic. He so desperately desires to be taken seriously...to be called an artistic filmmaker...but this yearning creates dialogue lacking any genuine elegance or meaning. Through the eyes of his mindless fans, of course, he's succeeded in being artistic.

"Mother, where do you live? In the sky? The clouds? The sea? Show me your face. Give me a sign. We rise... we rise. Afraid of myself. A god, he seems to me. What else is life but being near you? Do they suspect? Oh, to be given to you. You to me. I will be faithful to you. True. Two no more. One. One. I am... I am."
(I prove my point about the stupid dialogue with the above quote. Did a 13-year-old write this in their daily diary?!)

I find it frankly futile to attempt to outline the film's plot, because at the end of the day there is no plot or story. There is no clear-cut beginning or ending. The credits are the only feature that allows an audience to distinguish the beginning and the end. The film is so poorly structured and the proceedings are so unsystematic. Nothing ever makes sense.
Basically, though, a (surprisingly fully-clothed) Colin Farrell stars as explorer Captain Smith. He and his men travel upriver to trade with the Indians. But Smith is captured and set to be executed. That's when he meets princess Pocahontas (Kilcher) with whom he falls in love. His life is spared, and then an agonisingly boring romantic sub-plot emerges. Cue visually arresting shots of scenery (lacking any coherency), a few out-of-place battles and an unsatisfying conclusion that lethally betrays the viewer. Can you spot anything special in this story? ...didn't think so.

In later years, it seems films akin to The New World were released. Among them, There Will Be Blood and The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. These two aforementioned films are wonderful cinematic creations. The pacing is ponderous, but the performances are both riveting and accomplished, providing a much-needed hook to see the film through. In The New World, performances are never up to the required standard.
Colin Farrell usually offers good performances. But he's been partnered with a mediocre director. As a result, Farrell is unconvincing and never given the chance to do any scene-stealing. Had he been given adequate material, his performance would have been riveting and compelling. Instead he looks bored and never attempts to demonstrate otherwise.
Q'Orianka Kilcher is even worse as the love interest. She's always striking the wrong notes. The crux of acting is to strongly engage an audience. Kilcher never does this. As an alternative, Malick places her in mindless scenes of running through tall grass, or getting her hair stroked, etc. All things considered, there's absolutely no point!
Christian Bale is also underwhelming. Not his fault, though.

Overall, The New World is definitely among the worst productions ever committed to celluloid. I actually have no idea how anyone could classify this as a movie either as it never conforms to the criterion that makes a movie. Shots are inserted without sufficient reasoning, with never an attempt to build a story. It's so unfocused that words fail me. Malick fanboys defend the film by proclaiming that he's being subversive and innovative. Once again, this is a comment from appallingly small-minded individuals. On the one hand, Malick has always proved accomplished in creating wonderful, arresting images. This talent resurfaces once again. Be that as it may, after 10 minutes it just grows old. Following that it's like watching paint dry!

1.5/10