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Glad I didn't waste money on this

'Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights' is yet another run-of-the-mill generic console racing game to get released on every platform under the sun. Xbox360, PS2, PS3, PSP and DS editions of this game were developed, and I use that term with reservations, as this game wasn't so much developed, but rather coded up by a late-shift coked-up monkey at THQ.

The PC/Windows edition of this racing game was released in Europe in December 2007, and its coming soon to North America, but I pray it never reaches these shores. I've played lots of sloppy ports before, most recently DiRT, but at least in that game, they attempted to code up support for a steering wheel. The drugged up monkey at THQ didn't even bother to include support for a steering wheel & pedals for this racing game. Let that soak in. ZERO support for a wheel - in a racing game. Yes, that alone made me scream in rage.

Oh, and it gets better. Of course as with all sloppy console ports, there is no mouse interaction at all, but these guys didnt even bother changing bitmaps and key assignments. You are presented with Green 'A', Red 'B' and Yellow 'Y' buttons as you navigate the idiotic menu system. Yes, you actually have to hit the letters A, B or Y to set your options.

As I'd try this game even with a bloody keyboard (actually bloody from all the times I had to hit arrow and enter and A, B and Y keys before I finally got to a fucking race), I figured maybe the game would make up for it in gameplay/graphics. But it got even worse. I just played a bit of Need for Speed: ProStreet and Test Drive Unlimited earlier this evening, with full graphics, full rez, full AA and HDR, and both those games ran as smooth as a baby's bottom, but Juiced 2 looked like shit, and was choppy as shit as well. And I mean 'so-choppy-it-was-unplayable'. And its not even a frame rate issue. It was smooth for 2 seconds, then screen locked up for a half a second. Smooth for 2, locked for half. And in half a second, I always re-appeared crashed into a wall.

So game's graphics look horrible, menus are ripped straight out of an Xbox, there is no steering wheel support whatsoever, and its got some serious lag/stutter/lock-up issues making the game un-driveable even with a keyboard. If I could give this turkey a 0 out of 10, I would. My only consolation is that even the console versions are crap, based on reviews and sales figures, so nobody will hear or care about this PC release. But if you do happen to see it by next christmas in the $2.99 bin o' crap games, spend that money on a hot dog and pop instead.

Added by Prelude
11 years ago on 29 April 2008 04:39