Mortdecai Reviews

Dear God,  what the hell happened to Johnny Depp?!? Last year, he came up with 'Transcendence' which sounded promising but turned out to be eventually easily the most disappointing movie released in 2014 but, this year, he managed to show up in something even more underwhelming. Sure, I heard it was poorly received and another flop for the once ruler of the box-office but I still wanted to check it out. Well, it was pretty pathetic, I'm afraid. I mean, where should I start? I guess, the biggest problem was that the story was just so generic and boring. Furthermore, the main character, supposedly an attempt from Depp at being funny, was most of the time rather annoying and barely entertaining. I mean, when the biggest joke is about the main character's mustache and you keep bringing it back desperately every 5 minutes, you should know you're in trouble. At least, there was a nice cast cast involved (Johnny Depp,  Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Jeff Goldblum, Olivia Munn), they all did what they could with this material and there were a (very) few moments which were fairly amusing but the whole thing was just really weak. Anyway, to conclude, it is really time that Depp goes back making some small indie features,  just like in the good old days, and there is no real reason why you should waste your time with this movie. 

Initial Thought: So this is one I am watching out of sheer boredom. The trailer looked awful and boring. I do like the cast so I say what the hell.

Characters/Acting: Well there are some big names here that I like so that's a plus. I wish Johnny Depp would stop making movies like this. I get he is expanding his horizon, but he should really do that with movies that actually seem like they will be good. I did like how everyone comments on the ridiculous mustache. I wonder if Gwyneth Paltrow didn't show up for Avengers: Age of Ultron because of this. That wouldn't be the smartest decision on her part. She does have a really great smile in my opinion. Ewan McGregor was astonishingly pathetic here. It's like he was forced to be in the role. Paul Bettany is probably the best thing about this film though. His character is just so badass and funny.

Story: Well it's about art and Nazis that's about all I know at the moment. Some of the gags in this are actually kind of amusing, but most of them are just childishly lame. It also has a lot of cliche twists and turns. It's basically like the Pink Panther remakes and just about as awful. It isn't all bad though. I mean it does have alright moments and some of the dialogue can be slightly funny. It just doesn't take itself seriously enough.

Directing/Writing: The director here has actually done several movies I enjoy. He wrote Panic Room (and the book), Angels & Demons, Mission: Impossible, the first 2 Jurassic Parks, War of the Worlds, Premium Rush, and the first Tobey Maguire Spider-Man. He directed out of those only Premium Rush. He even worked with Johnny Depp on Secret Window. Never heard of the screenwriter before though. I didn't know this was based off a book. I wonder if it's just as boring as the movie looks. It's a shame that someone with the talent behind the movies mentioned can do such an awful interpretation of supposedly great books.

Final Thought: Okay so it wasn't as bad as the trailer looked, but then again it wasn't much better. It's very seldom funny and most of the gags left a bad taste. The only really enjoyable thing about this is Paul Bettany. Other than that this is pretty boring. Skip this one it is not worthy of your time. Unless of course you are interested in constant distasteful body and sexual humor.

This movie is an insult to moustaches everywhere. Comparing them to pubic hair on a vagina as a rich source for humor is low brow. It's one of the many desperate attempts at molesting your funny bone in this crap caper comedy.

We're introduced to Charles Mortdecai, a snob Euro moustache art dealer. He becomes a detective of sorts when a secret agent named Alistair hires him to help find a stolen painting. The painting is special in that it has a bank account number scribbled on it that will open a safe filled with Nazi gold.

The movie chronicles Mortdecai in search for the painting. Meeting several "interesting" characters with his loyal man servant, Jock Strap. There's a subplot involving the secret agent Alistair who is love with Mortdecai's wife and several globe-trotting quests to fill in the time constraints of the plot. The humor is the type you'd find if you're trying to find humor. Sexual innuendo's while smutty especially when it involves Jock Strap's sex life tickle the pervy bone at times, but this forced and aggressively unfunny movie looked more fun to make then it is to sit and watch.

I say skip it unless you're a die hard Johnny Depp fan. As much as I like Johnny, he was intolerable to enjoy in this one. Another flop unfortunately.