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Added by FG93 on 20 Jan 2013 11:54
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Top 10 Disgusting Jobs

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Orangutan Pee Collector

While this is important work that needs to be done to help get these wonderful animals off the endangered species lists, it is just about the nastiest job in the jungle. None of these monsters care anything about decorum. Unlike man, or even a dog, for that matter, who will find a nice bush to pee on, these critters hang around in the treetops and let it fly whenever they feel the urge to purge. An Orangutan is more likely to poop and pee if it knows you are under it just for laughs. It is a game like; let's see who can pee on the funny looking humans who can't climb trees.

The trick is to run around under them with a long pole with a bag at the end of it. You might want to keep your mouth closed. Of course, you could just spread big pieces of plastic under their trees. But where is the fun in that?
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Janitor at a Porno Theater

Not exactly the ideal place to work, the porno theatre janitor has the task of cleaning up after the dregs of society that frequent these types of movies. You will go though tons of disinfectants and deodorizers and spray cans of air freshener in these places as well as pick up trash and objects that have been who knows where. Is that dried chewing gum on the floor or some bodily fluid that needs to be cleaned up, scraped up, or avoided like the plague? Personally, if I were forced to do this job, I would wear a biohazard suit, double layered with steel boots to prevent myself from sticking a dirty syringe in my foot, just in case.
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Flatulence Analyst

Believe it or not, there is a field of science that believes we can use the body's flatulence, odors caused by the body's expelled gasses, as a diagnostic tool. That means that someone has to smell these odors in order to gauge what odor relates to which disorder. This means that through the use of special, sensitive equipment and the human nose, the body's gas must be analyzed or "sniffed" and broken down to determine what the specific gaseous elements are and what they smell like. There is a lab in Minneapolis run by gastro-entomologist Michael Levitt that was hiring for this position.

This brings to mind a poor looking soul on the side of the road holding a sign that reads, "Will sniff farts for food." I don't think so.
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Porta-potty Cleaner

If you are the veteran of the construction site then you know just how nasty these poop boxes can be. If you are old enough to remember using outhouses, then you know how nice these convenient poop boxes can be. It is all in the perspective. All I can tell you is that I have been in some of these sweat boxes at festivals across the country and I have never been in one that I have enjoyed being in. This is especially true when it is a hundred degrees, humid, and the thing has not been cleaned in a while. I have seen them cleaned. It is a process of attaching a hose to the valve at the bottom and pumping sloshing crap and urine out into a tanker truck and then pumping a blue chemical solvent back in. It is gross and disgusting and the hoses are simple clamp fittings that leak and spill on anything near them. The upside to this job is that you never have to worry about finding a bathroom.
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Guano Collector

Guano defined in its most crude and basic form is simply seabird, bat, or seal shit. The "ooze" beneath a mass gathering of bats consists of bat shit and urine and is high in nitrates making it extremely useful in fertilizing soil and the making of explosives. It is the key ingredient in gunpowder. Guano is also very messy and has a high ammonia concentration that burns the eyes and sears the lungs making it one of the dirtiest jobs on the planet. There is no easy way to collect seabird or bat crap. You just have to go and scoop the foul smelling stuff into containers.
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Road Kill Collector

Every year, hundreds of thousands of animals are struck and killed on our planet's roadways. Somebody has to collect these carcasses from our streets. Once upon a blue moon, nature's scavengers could do the job, creeping from the woods or spiraling down from the sky to clean up our mess. Now, however, with around three million miles of paved roads in America alone, we cannot depend on nature to stop the spread of stench and disease that occurs from fatal road kills. With 241 million cars registered in the U.S. there several thousand animals killed by cars every day. Enter the Road Kill Collector. While scraping the corpses of dead animals off pavement may not sound like the dream job, someone has to do it. Unless road kill stew becomes a dietary staple, these jobs are here to stay.
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Tampon Squeezer

Now here is a job that men just should not try. You may never look at your wife or girlfriend the same way again. Being a used tampon squeezer is gross and disgusting and gives a man the heebie-jeebies quicker than a whole room full of snakes. In fact, most men would rather squeeze a poisonous snake than a blood-dripping tampon. A microbiologist named Suzanne Garland is working on epidemiological studies of women with sexually transmitted diseases in Australia with her team at the Royal Women's Hospital. They have discovered that the best specimens can be obtained from the blood in used tampons instead of the old-fashioned urine tests and scrapes. Also, the women involved in the study cooperate much more willingly when tampons are used rather than invasive medical procedures. Unfortunately, the blood can only be extracted by putting on a pair of gloves and squeezing the blood from the tampon.

If I were the one who had to do it, it would be more than a pair of gloves. I would have to have a radiation suit and some tools like pliers. I'd hold that sucker in a paint rolling pan and run a rolling pin over it to squeeze the juice out if it and then I would let it drain into a bucket while I throw up.
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Barnyard Masturbator

Absolutely, without a doubt, one of the most disgusting jobs on the planet is that of the farm sperm collector. This job requires specialized tools such as the electric anus prod, the artificial animal vagina, and a whole slew of wet-naps as sweet talk your way between large horny animals to collect your prize. It might be wise not to dress in a color that could confuse the male of whatever species you are "working with" at the time. If its sheep, do not wear white. Bring along some smokes for after the dirty deed and brush up on your pillow talk and you should be fine.
(I'm pretty sure, and would hope for that matter, I would be banned if I put any picture related to this on here, so heres a baby shutting down Old McDonald)
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Forensic Entomologist

Entomology is the study of insects. That does not sound so bad, now does it? As a Forensic Entomologist, your primary job would be to study the insects like maggots that have invaded dead and rotting corpses to figure how long they had been dead and possibly what killed them. You could be called to the morgue to examine insects found inside a body during an autopsy or to a crime scene where the rotting body has been found in the woods with maggots crawling out of its eyes and worms eating the putrid flesh. Then, perhaps you would have a nice lunch at the local greasy spoon. I will have Spaghetti and a hamburger, raw please.
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Fluffer

If you are looking through the want ads and come across this job you might dream of standing around waiting for some rich old lady to need her pillow fluffed. Perhaps you go behind the housekeepers at a hotel and fluff up all the pillows and leave behinds those little mints. Sounds like a nice job to have. Take my word for it; you will not be combing poodles as a fluffer. This is the person who gets male porn stars in the mood when it is time for their next take. After 8 hours of porno movie making, those porn stars get somewhat messy as well. It would be your job to clean them up. If you’re a woman, it may not be disgusting at all. If you’re a man, this better be your worst nightmare. I will let your imagination tell you how these tasks are performed. Let's just say that if you are good at it, they might make you a star!
The definition of disgusting is two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. Even more disgusting than this, however, would be the job of the guy (or girl) who has to clean up after them. Speaking of disgusting jobs, here is the Top Ten Most Disgusting Jobs List. If you have a job that is more disgusting than the jobs on this list, you can look on these gross positions with an envious eye (and nose) and sigh because you have earned the right to be depressed. But I suggest you go and get a drink, a strong one!

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