MS-DOS Reviews

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233

7.5

Wolfenstein 3D - PC Games

Wolfenstein 3D, for those who are in the need to know, was developed by ID Software, and served as a blueprint for almost every fps that emerged in the 90's, including its two younger, and more cooler, brothers Doom (and its sequels) and Quake (and its sequels). In short, ladies and gentlemen, modern fps took life from this title.

Although universally overshadowed by its successors and virtually every major fps, it's still a great game, and still heck of a lot of fun 20 years later. Playing this game is like a step back into time. Even those who haven't even heard of this game, will feel nostalgic: because of how stiff, one-leveled, and unmade it feels in front of others; akin to switching from a Samsung Galaxy Tab to one of those old 90's Nokia mobiles.

You're an American who is held hostage by the Nazis and must escape Wolfenstein, which is a castle. You must defeat Nazi soldiers and guards and dogs and then face off with a boss at the end of each episode. The story's simple enough, gives you enough reason on why you should shoot them and about certain placements of objects and such, but it is not deep, something that abundantly existed in pre-Half-Life titles. Seriously, that game changed everything!

Although originally released in DOS, I was quite disappointed by that port. It's fast and all, but the best one, and the most notorious, has to be the SNES port. Before you start telling me how "nice" and "friendly" that version was, let me assure you of the fact that the SNES version is by far the most accessible. It gives you the best experience of the game, however tame. The Jaguar version is mean, angry, highly detailed and fast paced, but quite less enjoyable. It's the DOS version with better graphics, that's all. In my opinion, play the SNES port first and then the others, you won't be disappointed, or at least repelled.

Happy Vader's rating:

8.4

SkyRoads - PC Games

Although it was a long time ago, over 14 years, I still remember waking up in the pitch black of 4 A.M. and booting (yea, I'm old-skool) up the computer and playing this. Only the children of the 80's and 90's will remember the feeling of finally beating a tough level or boss of a game and then going off to sleep peacefully, but also with that dreaded-anxious feeling of what could the next boss in the new level be like. Yeah, we were a complicated lot. Concerning video games, we were never at peace, and if we were, we weren't.

Now, SkyRoads was the first game that I ever played, or at least my memory says so. There's another, called God of Thunder that's a strong contender of being the first, but I like this one better. In this game, you control a spaceship and for no reason at all you start jumping from platform to platform to reach the end. And it only takes about 40 seconds to get there. That's right, 40 seconds! Hell, Shadow of Chernobyl takes 40 seconds to just load.

So basically, SkyRoads is like as if a mini-game that serves as a time-pass game while waiting for the actual game to load blown up and made into a full game of its own. Ever heard of Kosmonauts? If you haven't, then the success of this game reaches far and wide, because this game is a suped-up remake of the above. But because of its success it became an original game of its own, and its predecessor a distant memory. Think of it as the video game equivalent of I Love Rock 'n Roll. We all know and love the Joan Jett version but more than 75% of us don't know the original one. There!

Just like all good games, SkyRoads gets increasingly difficult, to the point where you become tired of spamming the space bar and would want nothing better than to lie down and try not to cry manly tears. But, one way or another, you manage to beat that level and/or finish the game. It only took about 12 years for me to beat the last level, thus finishing it off 100%

If you want a solid entertaining game with zero story, then SkyRoads is just for you. It's fun, addictive, and totally worth the time.

Happy Vader's rating:

Amnesia - PC Games

As you can see from the screenshot, Amnesia is an interactive game, meaning it's all text, meaning you have to use your imagination - something that automatically gets shut down when you play Call of Duty.

Text games had a brief, but solid, run, and managed to give us some great titles, especially Zork, the most famous of all text games. Playing a text game in a time like this, where games have come to cinematic level, is akin to listening to an old man recounting on what he had to do for "cheap" entertainment - you know, porn. Unlike us, who can easily access to thousands of videos in one click, that old man had to listen.

While playing this game, keep a pen-and-paper near you. Unlike modern games, where cheap shots sometimes work wonders, Amnesia calls for absolute precision. You forget a name, you're rejected by Charon, the ferryman of the Underworld. You forget it 3 times, the game ends. In the opening level, you forget to wear a bath-robe, you're instantly arrested for, er, flashing!

In conclusion, think of Amnesia as a novel. An interactive novel in which you're the author. OK, ghost-writer, at least.

Happy Vader's rating:

Depth Dwellers - PC Games

To describe it in one line, DD is a massive sore to the eyes. Back in '94, when Id Software released their magnum opus, Doom, suddenly everyone wanted to hop on the new wagon that had drove into town and create a Doom-clone of their own: some achieved success, others not so much, and this game is the latter.

Attacking you head-on with spelling mistakes and a story no one bothered to read, DD starts off just like any other. You start off in a room, wondering how you got there, and blast! you get killed by the first enemy you encounter, in this case the one on the right. Its POV is first person, naturally, but it is so zoomed in, it feels as if you're playing through a fish bowl or a magnifying glass. The level designs are mediocre at best, confusing at their very worst, and completely uninspiring. I mean, Zork has better mazes than this one.

If it took you 20 minutes to finish off the first level and you only got lost about 151 times, then yes, you're actually playing it correctly, because you were playing it "normally" - how you would play any other game. Apparently, Depth Dwellers calls for something else, and what's that I do not wanna know!

8.7

Stunt Car Racer - Amiga 500

Stunt is easily one of the finest video games ever made, if not in general then just in the racing genre.

I so badly want to include another game but since Stunt is my love of the moment, I decided to go with this one. Now for those who haven't played this game or even heard of it, let me tell you that no YouTube video or review will do enough, or any, justice.

This game is probably the only in existence that must be experienced in order to find out why this is such a classic and beloved among gamers worldwide. Stunt is made out of pure love. The main ingredient is love, love, love and nothing else but love. Although there are far more superior games than this, almost 99% of them were made just because the developers could. Stunt is different, a sort of car-porn for casual gamers. Imagine watching a 70's xxx video: you know it has been perfected and bought to HD, but there's something delicious in the old ones.

Sorry for that. Now, you can easily download the game from Emuparadise.com, but remember to install Dosbox first, which is also easy to get by. As soon as the race starts, you know this is gonna be special; after all how many racing games start off with a crane carrying you to the race track? But it is only after when you take your first turn that you will have 100% fallen in love with it.

Turning is an essential part of racing - :) - but in a game this old you didn't expect it to be this smooth. It's so smooth it's beautiful, almost a mini-game in itself. Now that feeling you cannot understand if you haven't played it, and no video in all the world can capture it. It must be experienced, and you will!

Stunt Car Racer is an awesome game, and expect it to finish in 1 hour or so. Make sure the speakers are turned all the way up because the "woooooow" sound your car makes is classic!

Happy Vader's rating:

7.4

Duke Nukem (aka Duke Nukum) - PC Games

Rating: 7.0/10 Stars

Back when 3DRealms were known as Apogee Software - just that name brings a super kick of nostalgia - they specialized in side-scrollers. It only when their frenemies, id Software started churning out seminal first person shooters did they jump on the wagon, changed their name, and gave us one of the most iconic character who goes by the name of Duke Nukem.

But that almost didn't happen. Back in '91, when the first title was released, in the side-scrolling format, there was already another character by the same name in a TV show called Captain Planet. Hence, the first title is also called Duke Nukum. And the reason for that was to avoid copyright infringement - something id Software reveled in. But after discovering that the name wasn't trademarked, Apogee took it and the name stuck.

Though we all remember Duke the 3D game and were originally introduced to him through that game (me included), others recall him from other titles, often-always the first one. The story sees the mad scientist Dr. Proton on the terror rise, and it's up to blonde haired macho-man to save the day. With a promise that he will destroy Proton Breath and still have time to Oprah, we're thrown feet-first into what would become our first ever outing with the politically incorrect anti-hero.

I absolutely love Apogee's side-scrolling games because they had in them levels of charm and replay value. Nukum is no exception. It has colorful out-dated graphics and fast paced gameplay. It contains elements of both platforming and puzzle and that gives more edge and longevity to the overall gameplay.

But, as much as fun the game was, the level background design was, honestly speaking, quite atrocious. It was too much for the eyes and some of the color palettes were just plain hideous. Yellow on pink? Are you serious?

Though not in the true sense of the term, Nukum's surrounding is pretty much destructible. You get to blow up CCTV camera's, different variety of boxes and virtually anything that's either animate or inanimate, with just a few exceptions. The whole game is a repeat of the above with the end level being a boss fight with Dr. Proton himself!

In conclusion, Duke Nukum is a fun game, but nowhere 'great' in my eyes. Once or twice playing it would be more than enough, as it doesn't really give you enough incentive for re-visits.

Indianapolis 500: The Simulation - PC Games

Rating: 9.0/10 Stars

If Stunt Car Racer is sex, then Indianapolis 500 is an orgy with your favorite porn-stars. I'm writing this from a male point of view so females won't be able to share the viewpoint. Now, for the review

Now, with both games being virtually identical to each other - except that Indy has more to show in the graphics department - and that both being released in 1989, it results in a Soul Searchin' scenario; Soul Searchin' was a 60's rock song by both The Litter and The Electra's. Having the same manager and release date - 1967 - it's hard to tell who ripped who. But you know, who cares? Both the games, just as both the songs, are enjoyable in their own right - even despite how much they remind you of the other.

Those who have read my earlier lists and/or know me best should know that I really enjoy the turning in Stunt Car Racer. It's so smooth and unexpecting, especially for new players. Unfortunately, the turning here isn't that smooth or refined. I know, I know, Indy was more focused on creating a simulator than anything but come on, do I really need my car to turn like a fishing rod? Not that it really does but I needed something funny to write.

With basic options and minimal controls, you're given a set of laps to chose from - 10, 20, 50, 200. Finishing a 10 lap track takes about 7 minutes - sans accidents. So you can imagine how much will it take for a 200 lap track to end. But I guess that was realism back in the day. Now we get drivers being thrown through their windshield and such. It's funny how fake modern "realistic" games can get. When a guy gets thrown from his windshield and bangs his head on the rear end of the other car, there's no way he would hop in in his car and continue as if nothing happened. Bring a stretcher!

Once you're thrown into the game, you're aren't given a countdown. The race has already begun, but you realize it 5-6 seconds too late. The view is first-person, with the HUD - heads up display. You can see your speed, and anything you see it decreasing, you must stop at the pit-stop. The really cool factor about this game is that you can crash into other cars and literally take them out of the race. It results in a spectacular crash, with the debris flying around, but it makes your car spin badly and costs you your position in the race. Speaking of which, if you're a newbie in customizing your car, then you will never go beyond the 20th position. If you come up with the right modifications, there's a chance you might finish in the top 10.

But winning or losing is not the main fun of the game. Believe me, it all lies in the crashing, the speed and quite-rudimentary graphics and nauseating sound effects. You might wanna play Indy with the sound turned low because the sounds your car makes, akin to watery sniffing or wet snorts, get to your nerves after a minute or two. The crowd is present but since they're all a mish-mash of yellow and orange, it's hard to tell whether they're supporting a team or are just empty seats. When you finish a race, instead of the usual fanfare or points or a lady in bikini handing you a trophy, you get nothing, except a flashing indicator on the top left of the screen telling you to "Press ESC" to, well, escape... to the main menu. That's it!

In conclusion, Indianapolis 500 is a fun, great game that may or may not live up to your expectations. But if you're a racing fan like me, then Indy should not be missed. I recommend playing both this and Stunt Car Racer; preferably in one sitting. Enjoy!

Happy Vader's rating: