I haven't seen the full thing, but here we go...

This film was on during a lecture, but... It fucked with my head, and not in a good way. I became irretrievably bored and annoyed at it. Slept through some parts. I don't believe I'll ever sit down and watch the full movie. But here are my full uncut thoughts on what I saw:

Orlando is fucking terrible. It's not that I'm not open to the bending of convention or a bona fide mind-fuck movie. I adore those styles. Brazil, Shutter Island and Fight Club are examples of good mind-fuck movies. A recent Coen Brother's pic called A Serious Man is a great example of a brilliant movie which did not offer any closure at all (it literally ends in mid-scene). To bring something like this to the screen, a filmmaker needs something resembling an artistic soul - or at least a bit of filmmaking skill. Orlando's writer-director Sally Potter has neither.

To be blunt, Orlando feels like a Year 8 Media Studies project created by someone who wanted to be self-consciously smart and claim they've made something "challenging". There's a distinct difference between challenging cinema, and cinema that will just plain piss people off. There's a difference between being genuinely clever and being a self-consciously clever, pretentious git. Sally Potter, you fabulous idiot.

With the film constantly keeping us at arm's length, it's impossible to get engaged in anything that happens. Minus a solid emotional core, any characters to latch onto and so much as a modicum of humour, Orlando is 90 minutes of irritating nothingness which proceeds without logic or coherency.

I can only sum up my thoughts with one visual image: