Killers

KILLERS serves as excellent support for the argument that people who are ridiculously attractive can get whatever they want without having to work too much. I see no other explanation for why Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl can get away with performances as horrible as the ones they give here, and still continue making movies. If that were it, I wouldn't be so upset, but sadly, KILLERS is a stale, largely unfunny piece of cinema that lacks even the urgency to make its scenes remotely exciting or amusing.

We start off with one of the most annoying credit sequences I've seen in a long time. It's edited horribly, cutting away from one shot to another in the most annoying way possible. Once that's done with, the scenes that set up the relationship between the two leads are actually decent, largely because they're shot with the beautiful French city of Nice in the background. There's a cute, inventive moment in which Spencer (Kutcher) and Jen (Heigl) are at a restaurant and they have a conversation while looking at each other under the table. Once the film moves back to the U.S. and we move ahead three years in time, the severe annoyance starts to ensue. I don't care that much about the fact that the film actually wants me to believe that Ashton Kutcher is a professional killer - fine, I'll believe it. What I do care about is that roughly 85% of this film consists of completely uninspired scenes in which random people show up and start shooting at the couple, since there's a $20 million bounty on Spencer's head, gasp! (I suspect that there are people out there who would be happy to shoot Kutcher for a lot less money) The comedy is limited to small chuckles here, and the shoot-out sequences are more likely to cause dizziness due to their repetitive nature and because the film can't find even a slightly off-beat way to present them.

There's a slight bit of respite during the movie's final moments. I appreciated Catherine O'Hara's nonchalant performance while a gun was pointed to her head. The film features a lame, overdone joke involving O'Hara's character pouring alcohol into everything she drinks, but at least here in the final act she actually gets to display some comedic prowess that keeps me from giving KILLERS a lower grade.

Kutcher has shown acting potential in other films, though not here. Unfortunately for him, I have a hard time imagining that he could get taken seriously for a heavy dramatic role. He tried to take a turn for the dark in last year's SPREAD, in which he did a decent job (but had a terrible voiceover to work with), and his flat work in KILLERS leaves a lot to be desired. For the last 4 years, Katherine Heigl has been starring in romantic comedies... notice the pattern of decline in quality from KNOCKED UP to 27 DRESSES to THE UGLY TRUTH and now to KILLERS (which I really hope is her nadir, for her sake). The truth is that even in a wonderful comedy like KNOCKED UP, her acting was among that film's weaker aspects, but it can't even compare to how bad she is in KILLERS. The supposed emotional transitions that Jen experiences fail to register in Heigl's facial expressions.

The opening scenes in Nice had the potential to elevate KILLERS into a wonderful and charming romantic comedy. And jeez, these two may be bad actors, but you would've thought that their looks would've at least made this movie a superficially pleasant watch. Sadly, once those opening scenes are over, the film becomes just plain ugly and boring. It wouldn't surprise me if some people who go see this actually start rooting for the gun-wielding neighbors.

3/10