I wish this world would end

You know what I want? What I really, really want? To never play this game again. Honestly, I’d make this review that one, single phrase, but I feel the need to explain my anguish, so let’s do that. I have never heard a Spice Girls song from beginning to end. I can name a few of their hits due to their uses in movie soundtracks and the like, but I’ve never actually heard any of their songs from start to finish, and nor can I tell you the titles of any of their songs. And yet, when I saw Spice World, I felt the unexplainable urge to play it...”It’s a rhythm game,” I thought. “It’s gotta be at least somewhat enjoyable.” That’s a big negative. Spice World is one of the biggest wastes of time that I’ve ever played...It’s not really even a game. It’s just a chance to make a very lame, very poor, re-mixed music video of them...No more and no less.

There is no challenge here. You can make your video the worst thing ever created and you’ll still be rewarded with about a half an hour of Spice Girls video footage as a reward. This is great for someone who’s a Spice Girls fan...But I’m not one. But anyway, you start out by choosing the Spice Girl that’ll be doing most of the rehearsing that you’ll be in control of. Then, you’ll remix one of their songs to play in the background of the video, then you learn how to dance, then you dance, then you have the others dance, then you control the camera while you watch the Spice Girls use your dance moves to the remix that you made....Then you’ve ‘beaten’ the game. That’s it. No challenge, no fun, no nothing.



Graphically, the game is decent. The super-deformed versions of the Spice Girls have their own charm to them. The backgrounds, while kind of bland, still look pretty well done. The audio is alright...But when there’s this little to do in a game, and it’s all based around remixing one of their hit songs, why only include five of them? The replay value is already incredibly low and the small selection of songs doesn’t help the matter at all...And quite frankly, if you hate the Spice Girls, you’ll really hate the audio here. Cosmetically, the graphics are really the highlight of the game, with the decent-quality audio coming in second...The giant turd called ‘gameplay’ comes in a distant third.

In the end, I really don’t know what to say. I expected a moderately fun rhythm game with annoying Spice Girls music playing in the background. Instead, I got a music game that made me want to cover my hands in honey and shove ‘em into the mouth of a hungry grizzly bear so that I’d never be able to play this game again...with annoying Spice Girls music playing in the background. There is no gameplay here. People who hate the Spice Girls will spend roughly five to ten minutes tops before shutting it off...Which is how long it takes to ‘beat’ it, by the way. And with only five songs in the game, even Spice Girls fanatics won’t last much more than an hour before they’re done...And that includes the half-hour video montage that you get as a ‘reward’ for not murdering yourself with a blunt object during the gameplay. This may be the worst music game that I have ever played in my life. I guess that means that their ‘Girl Power’ made them number one in at least something...Even if their game is about as pleasant as number two.

1/10