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In supernatural end-of-the-world films, it's typically the Devil who brings about an Armageddon, but in 2010's Legion it's God who chooses to destroy mankind. That's the plot of this apocalyptic thriller, which should've been an irresistibly daft blast of B-Grade fun, but is instead a deadly dull, poorly-paced, uninvolving, pedestrian hodgepodge of familiar genre ideas and downright appalling connect-the-dots screenwriting. Legion also serves as evidence that Dennis Quaid, who is a perfectly decent actor when working with the right material, is truly on a never-ending quest to feature in as many bad movies as possible. Who knew the end of the world could be such a bore...
The premise is simple: God is fed up with "man's bullshit" and triggers a global apocalypse, in which a swarm of warrior angels are sent to Earth to destroy humankind. Michael (Bettany) is a rogue angel who throws off his heavenly shackles to do what he believes is best, and save the life of an unborn infant who is somehow important to the salvation of the human race. The final battle for the survival of humanity involves automatic weapons and takes place at an isolated diner in the Mojave Desert. Of course, why God chose such an ineffective, unusual way to destroy the world is never explained or touched upon (are floods and pestilence not good enough anymore?).
Legion is loaded with familiar scenes and scenarios, including scenes depicting characters falling for obvious traps that lead to their predictable demise. But the storyline itself is also familiar - it's essentially a clueless combination of The Terminator, Assault on Precinct 13, End of Days, and numerous living dead efforts. Unfortunately, Charlie (Palicki) - the character carrying the important infant - is easy to hate throughout the film. She's sweet, but also smokes when pregnant, constantly talks about her desire to give the baby away, and is pretty much useless. If an audience is unable to care about her, how are we supposed to invest in her protection, which is what most of the film focuses on?
The film marks the directorial debut of ILM veteran Scott Stewart, and his inexperience is obvious all the way through the movie. Most disappointing is the climax, which is virtually impossible to decode due to terribly misjudged cinematography and editing. Legion does show promise at certain points during its first half hour, as it showcases a few interesting shots and is imbued with a degree of tension. But this potential is destroyed by the rest of the film, which collapses under the weight of how seriously the subject is taken. The premise is ridiculous and promises a campy, enjoyable time, but the movie never runs carefree and enjoys the premise. As a result, there's precious little angel-on-angel action. Instead, God has chosen to deploy a great deal of slow, shuffling zombie-like creations that make for easy cannon fodder. It also doesn't help that the narrative momentum is frequently undermined by long spells of total inactivity and moments depicting the characters delivering yawn-inducing exposition about their past. Literally everyone stops to make a long, boring speech, each with the same sombre delivery. Perhaps God is fed up with all the moody yammering, and has decided to wipe out mankind for that reason? Without a hint of humour and with very few enjoyable moments, Legion is an utter bore, bluntly performed by a limited cast visibly unable to compute if the material was high camp or Shakespeare.
The main crime perpetuated by Legion is the total lack of brains. The script is a mess of plot holes, illogicalities and inconsistencies. In the very first scene, Michael breaks into an armoury, and, instead of using the front door to walk out, he blows up a wall and draws attention to himself. It's a moment included to amplify the "cool factor", but just comes off as silly. Several questions come to mind during this movie as well. For instance, why can't the creator of the universe strike down Charlie or trigger a miscarriage? Why would God send a bunch of incompetent, possessed humans to kill humankind, rather than a shower of asteroids or a flow of lava? Another thing that sticks out like a sore thumb is the lack of rules when it comes to possession. At the beginning, a police officer is possessed in order for God to converse with Michael. So why doesn't God or one of his minions possess Charlie or any of those in the diner? Why not possess the entire human race and force them all to commit suicide? Did the filmmakers ever stop to think these things through? Eventually, Gabriel is sent in to kill the pregnant woman. But again, Gabriel is as unsuccessful as every other option tried so far, and God still refuses to make a giant boulder appear out of thin air to crush the diner. But here's the most glaring thing: when an angel possesses a human, why do they turn into hellish demon creatures?
While Legion has its moments from time to time, it remains a dopey horror-action mishmash marred by lack of action, an aggressive, intrusive score, mediocre acting, inherent cheesiness, bland characters, long-winded dialogue, misjudged filmmaking, unremarkable CGI and a very confused take on the Almighty. The film never seems to understand its own potential, too - it could have been a fun, action-packed grindhouse-style actioner, but it instead commits the ultimate sin of tedium.
3.8/10
