At least you can laugh at it...

The term "bad movies" covers a lot of ground. There are simple bad movies, but then there are the BAD movies - flicks marred by poor concepts made worse by inept screenwriting and filmmaking in virtually every regard. These are the motion pictures that convince you that everybody involved in the production was drunk, stoned or sleepwalking for every second of their participation. 1987's Jaws: The Revenge - the third sequel to Steven Spielberg's Jaws - is one such example of this type of bad film. By this point in the Jaws series, the concept of quality completely flew over the studio's head - it became a simple matter of milking the cash cow (cash shark?) for all it was worth. It's not even titled Jaws 4 because all references to 1983's Jaws 3-D are inexplicably avoided, and it tells an alternative story about different versions of the Brody offspring. Writing a review for Jaws: The Revenge seems unnecessary since you pretty much know it sucks (and boy, does it ever!), but there's too much fun to be had in ripping this dreck to shreds...

Roy Scheider, who played Martin Brody in the first two instalments in the series, reportedly said of Jaws 3: "Mephistopheles couldn't talk me into doing the film!" As a result, a whole new cast was brought in. For Jaws: The Revenge, the series shifts back to Amity Island, where the first two instalments took place, but the filmmakers knew better than to even ask Scheider to return. Instead, this is a story about Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary), who's now a widow after Martin died of a heart attack brought on by fear of the shark. (Don't ask.) At Christmastime, Sean Brody (Mitchell Anderson) is killed by a giant great white shark that arrives in Amity Harbour. Judging by this attack, Ellen deduces that a shark is hunting the Brody family because it's a descendant of the sharks from the previous Jaws movies and wants revenge. This makes sense - a fish with a brain the size of an apple telepathically finds out who killed his relatives and wants vengeance. Perfectly logical. (The original screenplay involved voodoo, but this did not make it to the final cut.) As for the rest of the movie? Everyone fights for survival in the Bahamas, and Mike Brody (Lance Guest) is now a marine biologist who wants to study the killer shark.

Leaving for the Bahamas seems like an extreme precaution on Ellen's part to avoid being eaten by a fish she believes is after her. Surely she could move into a high-rise city apartment building instead, or maybe avoid going near the ocean? But a vacation away from Amity was the obvious answer, apparently, and the Bahamas is undoubtedly an ideal place to avoid a shark since it's a small island surrounded by water. The conniving great white shark also manages to find out about Ellen's travel plans and follows her, even arriving at the Bahamas first. Apparently, fish are the fastest mode of transportation - faster than a plane - according to the screenplay by Michael de Guzman. Furthermore, the (clearly scientifically accurate) film asserts that white pointers can survive in the warm waters of the Bahamas, even though it's a bona fide fact that they cannot. But the film's stupidity does not end there - Ellen is also haunted by flashbacks to events that she did not even witness, and events that, in some cases, no survivors witnessed.

Why a well-regarded filmmaker like Joseph Sargent (The Taking of Pelham One Two Three) chose to both direct and produce this shit is beyond my mental parameters. Even more baffling is that Sargent's direction is awful, and the production values are so cheap that it's downright insulting. The film was produced on a budget of $23 million (whereas Spielberg's Jaws was made for about $8.5 million), but I cannot figure out where all the funds went. Perhaps the cast and crew just enjoyed a lavish Bahamian holiday on the studio's dime and occasionally filmed a scene? One would logically expect some realistic shark models since this is Part 4 of the Jaws series, but alas, all we get is an extremely obvious, false-looking, plastic-coated toy. A yellow post-it note with the word "SHARK" written on it with some squiggly water lines would be more convincing than the cheap submerged Halloween costume on display throughout this joke of a movie. It's even possible to actually see the shark's internal controls in several shots during the film, while the shark movement is robotic and laughably unrealistic. One must also genuinely feel sorry for the actors at the centre of this. Even the reliable Michael Caine looks unfocused, though he does deliver the only worthwhile lines of dialogue. Tragically, Caine's shooting obligations on this film prevented him from accepting an Oscar!

Eventually, Jaws: The Revenge culminates for an ending that involves the shark exploding for no apparent reason (after roaring while riding on its tail on the surface of the water) and the cast floating in a water tank in front of a blatantly obvious painted backdrop that even has waves lapping up against it. The climactic scene is so incompetently shot and handled that it's genuinely hard to decipher what just happened and why, especially with the random placement of archive footage from the first Jaws. (The alternate ending is better and actually makes sense.) Additionally, the shots of the shark exploding were literally done so cheaply that the filmmakers used a toy shark and a boat in a bathtub. (Seriously, watch the scene in slow motion.) It's no wonder that the film earned a Razzie for Worst Visual Effects. Jaws: The Revenge was additionally nominated for Worst Actor, Worst Actress, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Director, Worst Picture and Worst Screenplay. Oh well, at least you can laugh at it.

2.2/10