The Guard And The Tackle

Since I am not evil nazi, I know all about black actors, and, since I am not even an airy snob, I know all about football as well. To be more specific, I know at least three black actors, as well as some of the positions of football. Allow me to explain.

So. I like Eddie Murphy, since he's a good comedian. And I really liked the job that he did in "The Nutty Professor", where his character becomes this 'Carlisle' kind of guy, if you know what I mean, named Buddy Love-- and before people were cool with that kind of thing, well, actually, they're *still* not cool with that kind of thing.... And, I mean, Buddy Love didn't even have to.... he just.... Nevermind. The point is, people are all like, 'Oh no, Oh nos, not that, not that-- Bring me Albus, where's Albus!.... Go find Professor Dumb-ledore! Go find the old man!' *sighs* *shakes head* Oh, but I do like Chris Rock too-- *I* don't hate the guy!

And I don't like Morgan Freeman, since he reminds me of Patrick Stewart.... And I almost wanted to say something about it, but now I don't want to say anything about it, since I don't want to say *anything* that's going to remind me of the way that Morgan Freeman talks.

And then there's Denzel Washington. I guess he's not so much of a comedian, or.... a God, so much as a.... well, he's in action movies sometimes, right. I mean, I saw him in "Unstoppable", and I thought that that was a great movie that he did a great job in.... And I guess that, technically, I also saw him that war flick "Glory" a hundred years ago, but, actually, that's the kind of thing that might as well have not had any actual actors in it at all.... Since what they needed was not so much actors, as soldiers, and not so much soldiers, as gunsmoke.... I mean, it was like "Gettysburg", it was like "Amistad", it was like "Star Trek".... I mean, let's forget it-- everybody's favorite Canadian James Tiberias Kirk led him into the battle.... the consolation prize being that, since they were killed, there was no need for a sequel....

And I haven't seen him in anything else, although, actually, I haven't even seen "Mission: Impossible" yet-- action & drama aren't always the priority with me.

But, anyway, I always like to think of myself as being together with the black man, since we're both more like the kind of duck which has the green head and the orange feet, than the kind of duck which is all mottled and brown. And which kind of duck is that? The masculine kind. Yeah. (Just like Eddie Murphy.... Or the Met's Daniel Murphy, we call him Murph.... or a duck. The masculine kind.)

And it's kinda cool that Denzel Washington can do sport-y drama as well as action drama, especially since it's not crappy Euro-trash like "Bend it Like Beckham", or, other kinds of light drama which are.... I mean, "The Help" is basically just moronically and inexplicably *long*....

And, since Morgan Freeman isn't in it, I don't have to sit here trying to remember whatever clever uncomplimentary thought I thought about him.... *sits for several minutes trying to remember whatever clever uncomplimentary thing I had to say about Morgan Freeman* (Maybe it's just as well, since whatever I thought, it was like, an adjective phrase, with maybe two or three adjectives-- like you might say about Patrick Stewart. But the problem with adjective phrases is that they can be so.... You know how Morgan Freeman has that way of talking? I mean, *all* of the guys who are like that, do, in a way....)

*shrugs* Anyway. Now that I can give myself a pat on the back and a knight's cross of the iron cross for my diversity creds-- on to football!

....So, yeah, now that I've got all of that crap out of the way....

Basically, the good thing about this movie is that it takes football seriously, and it doesn't mock the concerns of the men involved with football, or hold them up for mockery.

Rather, it lets us see football as (an example of a peaceful form of competition and) something that is just part of our land, and we folks who live in it.

It's better than.... I mean, I remember that, in "Doug"-- this Nickelodeon show that aired when I was a kid, which starred Mike Newton as 'Doug'-- made a point of scorching football, and making a big fucking deal in this one stupid epidode about how the football team was just a bunch of dumb brutes, and how this stupid lout was this dumb bully, and it was all because he was the nickelback or something....

But obviously that show was racist. Think about how many black people play football. Exactly.

And, anyway, at least this movie isn't as stupid as.... I mean, it is neither as moronically, nor as inexplicably, *long* as "The Help"....

And Denzel Washington, right. He could be a nickelback, or something.

(8/10)