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Traumatised after witnessing a tragic roadside accident that results in the death of an innocent mother and her daughter, policeman Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) is stood down by his bosses as he mentally recuperates. However, Edward soon receives word from his ex-fiancée, Willow Woodward (Kate Beahan), that their daughter, Rowan (Erika Shaye Gair), is missing. Willow and Rowan live in an isolated, neo-pagan community on an island in remote Washington, and Edward sets off to visit. Determined to find Rowan, Edward starts poking around and asking questions about the matriarchal community led by the elderly Sister Summersisle (Ellen Burstyn). Edward's investigation only leads to frustration as the villagers are unable to give him straight answers, but the police officer suspects that something more sinister is going on.
The first half of The Wicker Man is regrettably dull and plodding, with LaBute trying to set up a sense of intrigue and mystery as Edward travels to the island and begins searching for Rowan. But at a certain point, the tedium gives way to unintentional hilarity, and the movie undeniably picks up steam as it becomes funnier than most mainstream comedies. We get bear costumes, bees, bee costumes, burned dolls, and karate kicks, among many other unexplainable things. At the centre of the madness is Nic Cage, who demonstrates absolutely no subtlety or restraint as he navigates the movie's strange occurrences, including stealing a bicycle at gunpoint. ("Step away from the bike!" he orders while brandishing a pistol.)
It's difficult to figure out exactly where things went wrong for The Wicker Man, as the individual components are not awful per se. After all, Nicolas Cage and Ellen Burstyn are both Oscar winners, and writer-director Neil LaBute previously directed well-received titles like In the Company of Men and The Shape of Things, both of which are based on his plays. However, the combination of everything here - the writing, direction, and acting - results in this bizarre, surreal, incoherent picture that often defies logical explanation. Whereas the original Wicker Man is full of atmosphere and dread, concluding with a disturbing and harrowing climax, LaBute's redux is hurt by the PG-13 rating that robs the film of genuine horror. The lust and sexual subtext of the original picture are likewise missing here, which is all the more heartbreaking when one considers how many more unintentional laughs could stem from such content.
Attempts at nuanced horror fall drastically short, with hilarious moments like Edward recalling a memory of a fellow police officer who then turns into a swarm of bees. Plus, the combination of extremely dramatic music and the sight of Nic Cage riding a bicycle is oddly amusing. Another scene that involves bees pursuing Edward is side-splitting, but the pièce de résistance is the moment in the unrated version wherein the villagers torture Edward by covering his face with bees. There are many ways an actor can play such a moment, and Cage chose maniacal overacting, with his panicked cry of "Not the bees!" resulting in an instant internet meme. The computer-generated bees look both hilarious and unconvincing, which further contributes to the comedy. Similarly, the fight scenes are side-splitting, with Cage karate kicking and punching several women, including Leelee Sobieski. Meanwhile, the sight of Cage in a bear costume had this reviewer in fits of laughter, and the infamous "bear punch" is hilarious beyond description.
Many scenes throughout The Wicker Man do not make sense. In one early scene, a pilot staunchly refuses to take Edward to the reclusive island because it's a private community, but he quickly changes his mind with the offer of money. Why didn't Edward specify that he had an invitation? Why would the pilot so passionately want to prevent an outsider from travelling to the island, but change his mind in seconds when Edward pulls out some cash? Another baffling but incredibly hilarious moment involves Edward flashing his "Freeway Patrol" badge while conducting enquiries, as if it's a detective badge. Does he hope the villagers won't notice? Or does Freeway Patrol give him such authority, even while not on active duty and nowhere near his jurisdiction? Who cares?
Without Nic Cage, this version of The Wicker Man would simply be an atrocious, boring attempt at a horror movie that tarnishes the name of a classic. But with Cage in the lead role, the movie is a hilarious car crash. It's still a disgrace to the original film, but at least it's entertainingly terrible, which is more than what I can say for many other bad horror films. It's also rare for me to not want a movie to end, but I genuinely did not want The Wicker Man to finish, because every scene brought immense new hilarity. It is genuinely baffling to consider that the picture went through all stages of production - scripting, shooting, editing, rough cuts - without anybody apparently recognising the serious flaws or indescribable goofiness. If you have an appetite for this kind of thing, The Wicker Man is an essential watch.
Will I watch this again? Yes, I watched it twice. Will I buy it on Blu-ray? Also yes.
4.6/10
