Mega Schlock!

The critical mind boggles when one is faced with the task of reviewing a film entitled Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. The title itself reveals everything you need to know about this B-Grade monster schlock - the plot, the major set-pieces, and above all the genre. Cinematic schlock is created when a preposterous concept is meshed with an inept approach, generating a perfect storm of celluloid patheticness that guarantees plenty of laughs (intentional or otherwise). There are instances when sheer filmmaking incompetency produces a deliciously awful experience - such movies triggered the creation of the term "so bad it's good". Lovers of such lunacy will adore Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus; this low-budget creature feature filmed in twelve days and completed barely four months afterwards. With its sloppy CGI, uproariously ridiculous plot points and lame acting, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is an instant camp classic as opposed to a standard cinematic stool sample. It's certainly bad, but deliberately so - winking at the audience frequently along the way. Expecting anything from this feature apart from a good time revelling in awfulness would be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Now, the plot... Wow, this'll be easy. A Megalodon shark and a gigantic octopus were frozen in mid-combat back during the Ice Age. Millions of years later, the glacier containing these prehistoric combatants melts, reviving the creatures. After these monsters wreak havoc on the world and inflict massive casualties on the human populace (mostly off-screen, which is unfortunate because what we do see is hilariously awesome), a marine scientist (Gibson) along with her newfound Japanese counterpart (Chao) and daffy Irish mentor (Lawlor) are brought in to assist with the situation. Initially the scientists try to capture the gargantuan animals, using pheromones as bait. (Of course, no-one is concerned with how the fuck they'd be able to keep these specimens alive for research...logistics is never an issue for the characters.) But predictably, this plan fails, so it's time for Plan B: lure the two creatures away from civilisation and allow them to fulfil the prophecy of the film's title.

We're subjected to a clichéd "laboratory scene" while the characters are trying to figure out how to kill the titular creatures, wherein the scientists make weird faces, mix coloured liquids in beakers for no reason, look through microscopes and scribble down notes. Lots of jargon is thrown into the script in an attempt to make the military sound authentic as well - plenty of "Plan Delta" and "Zero One Niner". There's even a Japanese submarine supposedly in Japan that's inhabited by a crew who speak perfect English without the slightest hint of a Japanese accent.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus opens with an assortment of inexpensive stock shots of snowy mountains punctuated with inexpensive stock shots of the sea. A helicopter apparently drops some sort of sonic wave thingy into the sea since he's on some kind of top-secret government mission. Be aware that we never actually see said helicopter flying over the water...we're just shown footage of it flying amongst the clouds. The one shot of the helicopter flying is reused about three or four times before the shot is flipped to show the helicopter flying in the opposite direction which is then reused a few times.

The highlight of this motion picture is undoubtedly the hilarious sequence during which the Mega Shark attacks an airborne passenger plane...the shark literally leaps thousands of feet out of the water and grabs the jet with its mouth. Never mind that the impact upon landing back in the ocean should kill the shark. In addition to this, the film's "Money Shot" moment shows the Mega Shark taking a chomp out of the Golden Gate Bridge. Meanwhile, the Giant Octopus swats planes with its tentacles and dismembers an entire oil rig. Absurd and unconvincingly executed, yet it's glorious! Absolutely glorious! The epitome of bad monster movie awesomeness!

Jack Perez writes and directs under the pseudonym of Ace Hannah (I shit you not), loading the screen with overinflated dialogue, well-worn clichés and laughable action sequences. Due to this, you'll be giddily awaiting to see where he'll take this mess next. One assumes Perez billed himself as Ace Hannah to make his name sound more B-Movie-esque. However it's more likely that the man was mortified by what he'd created and desperately wanted to distance himself from it.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is unmistakably fun, but it's also underwhelming. While there are some awesome moments of Mega Shark and Giant Octopus mayhem guaranteed to tickle your B-Movie funny bone, one will be yearning for more. The film unfortunately fails to deliver a truly epic duel between the gigantic sea monsters. The concept is definitely too ambitious given the budgetary restrictions, though every penny appears on the screen. The computer animation looks cheap and is never realistic, but it isn't brutally bad either. The actual fight between the shark and the octopus sadly looks more like a bizarre mating ritual. They bump into each other, and then it appears that the octopus is humping the Megalodon. Perhaps the pheromones made an impact and the thing is trying to fuck its opponent to death.

The filmmakers cut corners whenever possible. Certain computer-animated shots are repeated a lot, including one sequence which features the very same shot three or four times during a ten second period. The shark vs. octopus encounter itself is just the same few shots on a loop. Although the shots are hokey and the repetition is glaringly obvious, they do the job at least, and all the fakery adds to the film's charm. The standard studio sets are also quite comical. Look out for the interior ship set - it's used twice as two different US battleships and once as a Chinese submarine, and it's very obvious as well. Again, it adds to the charm. The editing is pretty shoddy as well. Some live action shots are reused a lot, for instance. On top of this, at one stage the pilot of a jet radios a mayday about being knocked out of the sky before he's actually knocked out of the sky. The same type of thing also occurs during the shark/plane sequence. Once again, this is all part of the charm.

In the cast you'll find former singer Debbie Gibson as the female protagonist and Vic Chao as the Japanese associate - both are hilariously awful. Lorenzo Lamas delivers an expectedly wooden performance with crummy dialogue to match, but he can be forgiven due to his use of the term "Sharkzilla". However, it seems Lamas doesn't actually know what type of film he's making as he appears to take everything a bit too seriously. Alongside these "actors" is Sean Lawlor (whose filmography also includes Braveheart) who at least looks like he's trying. Every piece of bad, laughable dialogue is delivered with straight faces by these performers.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is gormless, unrealistic, cheesy, and great! The budget doesn't allow the film to fulfil its potential (a big-budget Hollywood remake should be in order), but the 'fun factor' is firmly in place. God knows there are countless criticisms you can throw at the movie, but the enthusiasm cannot be denied. Just watch the film in context and remember exactly what it is. If you like good old-fashioned schlock, this fast-paced 85-minute B-Movie bonanza overflowing with campy glee will bring a smile to your face.

5.4/10