facinating bad

this is the kind of movie you watch because its bad....really bad...laughably bad.

its a straight up star wars knock off, cheesy enough to make you wonder when its going to devolve into porn sequences. it doesn't, someone must have thought they were making something fairly serious...but blatantly missed the mark.

the dialog, which i assume is dubbed (its hard to tell actually), is awful. the characters spend much of there time describing action that is happening or will happen.

an emperor under attack by an evil lord in a cape. a bounty huntress in...well...very little and her side kick mysterious blonde afro wearin' navigator team up with a robot (a chauvinistic cowboy talking emotionless robot man with a giant helmet) and others and then others to look for 3 lost scouts (or something) and find the only living crew member in a cave of the planet sized weapon of the evil lord with a giant cape (did i mention his hair cut reminds me of princess leia's and his theatrics are very 50's over the top evil wizzard-ish). the navigator turns up in the cave to fight off the cavemen again with his amazing lightsaber!!! and the only surviving member of the crew...the prince of course! blah blah blah...

fight scenes happen throughout the movie. they are mostly random actions of fighting against random groups of people. most of course are against the evil lord's men, but we also get fights with amazons and their giant amazon woman robot, troglodyte cave people, the evil lord's robots, etc. pointless stuff for action's sake. almost all the fight scenes are so pieced together that there's no linear battle...this person shots that person, someone else shoots someone else, that ship fires at some other ship...who knows who's winning or loosing until its announced at the end.

and then they crash a floating planet into the evil lord's ship and the universe is saved!!!

did i mention the prince is david hasselhoff. oh the dreamy set ups for the eventual love scene are so so so just dreamy. stellastar in her skimpy barely there plastic outfits in forces labor scenes, and swimming through full of starkly stars space with bubble helmets, in giant globular disco chairs with huge smiles, frolicking around disco lit space ships. its super italian disco fluff all the way.

its impossible to take any of this seriously. ultimately not impossible to like it though. its 500% campy. if they meant it to be serious, they were way off. its not humorous though, and nothing suggests it was meant to be mocking or funny. its just so abundantly fluffy that its fun. i laughed out loud a number of times...this is a mystery science theater dream. (did they do this one...they should)

impossible to find on dvd or vhs. and not worth paying any decent sum for. honestly if you find it in a used bin for a handful of $, have a laugh with it. otherwise wait till its re-released and sold at a steep discount or as a mystery science theater episode.

2/10