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Prepubescent twelve-year-olds who laugh at well-worn fat jokes may be amused by Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Those of us with decent taste in comedies, on the other hand, can happily avoid the obnoxious, laugh-free antics of an overweight misfit security guard and his mall-dwelling compatriots. Kevin James, who starred alongside Adam Sandler in the abysmal I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, rides solo in this shockingly amateurish and single-note action-comedy for which the main star also co-wrote and co-produced. The movie - a curious amalgam of Home Alone and Die Hard - clearly has one consistent strategy: capitalising on Kevin James' adeptness at hurling around his sizable bulk. Pardon the expression, but this is an extremely slim approach. Witless, slow and tonally uneven, Paul Blart: Mall Cop merely offers a blend of painfully predictable slapstick comedy, tacky sentiment, and over-the-top action.
The premise ostensibly spoofs Die Hard, with bumbling hypoglycaemic security guard Paul Blart (James) as the "man on the inside" who's forced to defend a New Jersey mall on Black Friday when a group of high-tech thieves seize control and take hostages. Paul rides around on a Segway, whereas the (acrobatic) thieves navigate the shopping centre on skateboards for no real reason apart from the fact that twelve-year-olds - who clearly represent the target demographic of this dire PG-rated endeavour - tend to like them. Prior to this takeover, Paul sets his eye on Amy (Mays), who staffs one of the new mall kiosks. Predictably and inevitably, she's among the hostages who are taken, which prompts the obese security guard to devise creative ways to defeat the bad guys (who, fortunately, only appear to carry guns when they have no opportunity to shoot at him).
Paul Blart: Mall Cop is what Die Hard might have been like if John Candy was the star. There's some good energy once the actual robbery plot takes centre stage, but it's tough to accept Paul's sudden transition to John McClane since the bumbling idiot never does anything right until the shit hits the fan. The movie dwells far too long on Paul's self-loathing tendencies as well as his vain attempts at trying to win over Amy before the story finally rouses to life. Roughly half an hour is allotted to adequately establishing Paul's character, as well as his delusions of grandeur (he rides his Segway like it's his stallion, he takes the mall gig way too seriously) and how little respect he commands (evident in the run-in with an old man in a wheelchair). Yet this set-up is awfully dull, and Paul is a mundane character who frankly isn't worth spending time with. He could be established in less than half the time to the same effect. Not to mention the attributes intended to make Paul a "lovable loser" are either creepy or genuinely sad. The actual heist is overflowing with fat jokes, predictable pratfalls and forced dialogue as Paul taps into his inner Bruce Willis to save the day. The movie eventually ends with a Home Alone-style resolution, with the S.W.A.T. team and the cops bundled outside due to some silly plot devices, and Paul left alone with a mall full of resources to thwart the baddies.
To slow the pacing tenfold, the film continually depicts Paul becoming entangled in ridiculous situations that go too far in an attempt to generate cheap laughs. For instance, Paul is at one stage called to the Victoria's Secret store to resolve a conflict between two women fighting over the shop's last push-up bra. There are several funny ways the conflict could go down, but the film elects the annoying one - Paul ends up engaging in physical combat with an overweight woman (whose shirt is even removed during the conflict for "comedic" effect).
There's a predictable reliance on tedious fat jokes as well. Annoyingly and bafflingly, the film asks us to laugh jeeringly at Paul's weight regularly while also demanding us to feel bad for the poor guy when people ridicule him for his weight. This is a very poor proposal. The film's worst scenes are those that attempt to milk humour from Paul's weight. See the fat man competing in a nacho eating competition! See the fat man trying to play a video game (which requires physical activity) and failing!
Given its setting (a particularly ironic location considering current economic woes), Paul Blart: Mall Cop could've been comfortably retitled Product Placement: The Movie as product placement is worked into nearly every shot. It's as if production placement is the sole reason why the flick was green-lit because it certainly wasn't green-lit for the dire jokes. Directed by Steve Carr, who's responsible for many flavourless family films (Daddy Day Care, Are We Done Yet?), Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a lazy, sloppily created comedy. The editing is so shoddy that there are glaring gaps in the action, such as a chase sequence that begins in the mall before suddenly and inexplicably winding up on the roof. The schmaltz gets laid on pretty thick too. The "Blart is sad" scenes are underscored with shamelessly treacly music.
The flick was shot at Burlington Mall near Boston, and apparently the mall was not shut down for particular scenes. During these scenes, real people walked and shopped, and sometimes the director had to cut when some of the passers-by became curious and stared into the camera. The film crew and the Extreme Sports athletes may have taken control of the mall, but they can't commandeer the movie...this is Kevin James' film. The actor possesses an affable Teddy Bear charm, but he'll need stronger material if he's going to make the leap from TV star to movie star without needing a bigger name co-star beside him.
The romantic element of the feature misfires majorly - the character of Amy is one-dimensional, and Jayma Mays' acting is consistently lacklustre. Kevin James tries to make this fraction of the story work, but clichéd, predictable writing and a dubious choice for the female lead ultimately handicap it. The supporting performances are blander than vanilla, though some of the stunt work is at least visually impressive (if unnecessary).
Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a juvenile movie designed for a juvenile audience which doesn't offer much beyond the expected. For its January 2009 release, the film became an unexpected hit despite competing with Oscar bait at the box office (far surpassing expectations). Audiences were probably enraptured by the film on release due to the promise of slapstick humour and family-friendly laughs. It's a shame the gags aren't actually funny, though. It's also a shame that it fails to be something more than a collection of glaringly foreseeable gags and some uncomfortable moral lessons about standing up for yourself. Admittedly and surprisingly, however, Paul Blart: Mall Cop is curiously watchable and somewhat appealing, and these factors save it from hopeless disaster.
4.0/10
