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Frankie (Jessica Williams) owns an unruly roadhouse in the Florida Keys and desperately needs outside help to restore order by ousting the bar's unsavoury new clientele. After witnessing former UFC fighter Elwood Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal) on the underground fighting circuit, she offers him the job of head bouncer at her establishment, sweetening the deal with an attractive paycheque. Hesitantly accepting the offer, Dalton makes a home for himself in the Florida Keys, living on a rundown houseboat as he begins cleaning up Frankie's bar, simply known as The Road House. He quickly becomes a target for men working for a local crime boss, Ben Brandt (Billy Magnussen), who hopes to disrupt Frankie's business to compel her to give up the bar and allow him to take over the land. Dalton's efforts also attract the attention of a local doctor named Ellie (Daniela Melchior), while Brandt's incarcerated father sends in a psychotic enforcer, Knox (Conor McGregor), to take on Dalton and destroy The Road House.
With the story only slightly resembling the original movie, the flick would have been better off as an original movie with a different title and a few storytelling tweaks. Indeed, most potential viewers will have no idea that this is a remake, and calling it Road House only invites unflattering comparisons since the 1989 picture did everything better - it has a better soundtrack, better actors, more memorable fights, and more '80s excess. Instead of a catchy soundtrack comprising blues, jazz and rock songs, the band in this remake only plays generic, bland pap, though this is at least thematically suitable since this iteration of Road House as a whole also amounts to generic, bland pap. Instead of memorable one-liners or engaging dialogue, this remake only contains bland, witless action movie speak, and all attempts at humour will only trigger exasperated sighs. The script overcomplicates the narrative by introducing a corrupt cop with no reason to exist, Brandt's real estate scheme is patently uninteresting, and Liman wastes potentially interesting storytelling ideas. For example, Dalton takes one young bouncer under his wing as a protégé, but their relationship is tragically underdone when it could have provided some honest-to-goodness heart similar to the dynamic between Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliott in the original flick. This narrative angle feels like a wasted opportunity, especially since Dalton's relationship with Ellie feels perfunctory and superficial, lacking in heat and chemistry.
Admittedly, changing the setting from the Midwest to the Florida Keys is a robust creative decision, as it gives the picture its own aesthetic identity and results in some eye-catching, colourful cinematography courtesy of Henry Braham (The Suicide Squad, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3). Unfortunately, the cinematography during the fights is hit-and-miss, with gimmicky shots that detract from the visceral impact of the brawls, making these sequences less engaging. Furthermore, dreadful digital effects plague Road House, with CGI vehicles and explosions looking janky as hell, while Liman unwisely tries to enhance the fights themselves with obvious digital trickery. Although Liman tries to do something fresh, the attempt does not pay off - the movie would look infinitely better with well-choreographed, well-filmed, practical fights and stunt sequences. It's difficult to believe that Road House was directed by the same filmmaker who was responsible for memorable action films like The Bourne Identity, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Edge of Tomorrow. How embarrassing that an $85 million production from a major studio pales in comparison to the low-budget, independent Australian gem Life After Fighting.
Road House is not entirely without its charms, as Conor McGregor's laughably over-the-top performance is a source of constant amusement. Other highlights include Arturo Castro as Moe, a polite henchman who has fallen in with the wrong crowd and is forever trying to avoid getting on Dalton's bad side. Unfortunately, Magnussen's Ben Brandt is another bad guy who adheres to the contemporary villain archetype: a snobby, snivelly rich kid with no social skills. Magnussen exudes no genuine menace and poses no threat, feeling better suited for a low-grade TV show than a theatrical action film. There's no denying that Gyllenhaal is a fine actor, but his version of Dalton is a miss. It's not entirely his fault, as the script gives him a troubled past in an attempt to humanise him, but this material slows the storytelling to a halt and makes Dalton an infinitely less interesting character. Additionally, the lousy storytelling introduces things like a bizarre almost-suicide for Dalton in the first act that the film quickly forgets about instead of further developing, while a knife wound Dalton suffers early in the movie bleeds at a convenient time for Ellie to notice but is never an issue again. The inconsistencies, lack of consequences, and absence of proper storytelling cohesion significantly harm Road House, making the narrative feel like a tedious string of inconsequential scenes and moments. It's difficult to care or feel genuine investment in anything that happens.
Let's not mince words here: Road House did not need a remake. An endlessly enjoyable product of its time, the charm of 1989's Road House cannot be replicated in the 21st Century, but one could still imagine a prospective remake being better than this. Remake ideas floated around Hollywood for years, with directors like Rob Cohen and Nick Cassavetes taking a stab at developing the film, while Ronda Rousey was also attached to star at one point. With this in mind, I guess it could have been worse. At the very least, it is fortunate that this Road House is R-rated and packs a visceral punch during the action scenes, but the filmmakers ruin many of the fight sequences with egregious digital enhancements. There are entertaining moments here and there, and Conor McGregor's goofy, unsubtle performance is hilarious, but there is not enough of value to recommend sitting through all two hours of this tripe. Talks of a sequel are ongoing, a notion that sparks about as much excitement as a prostate exam.
4.1/10
