The Rose Garden

Everything just fits together so perfectly; it always makes me so happy. 

But yeah: Chris Sanders is a middle-piss quality director, but I figured I’d give him that third movie to watch like I always do, now: and also, I have a personal history reason for watching, right. I had my brother drive me to see this movie, during my florid-symptomatic era, and then I had him hustle me out of there when the sounds and images started to frighten my delicate nerves, right; (not a story you’d make up, LOL)…. It’s like that line from the Karate Kid, about the couple: it’s nice; same, but different. “No: just different”, right. That one time, Mr. Miyagi was wrong: and when I was a young Millennial: I didn’t get it, right…. 

~It was a few years later, you showed up here…. 

Yes, I live on land somewhere, 

Yes, I chose the rose garden, over delusions fair…. 

And let me tell you now: I’m the lucky one; 

Yeah, let me tell you now: I’m the lucky one; 

Can I tell you now, I’m the lucky one? 

Oh; oh; oh…. 

~~Can you believe—I mean, of course you can believe it: but can you believe it, that when I started reading bloody Thomas Merton and the Buddhist books, right: that I blamed it all on her, more or less? 

(shakes head) Craziness; crazy, right?….

…. (10 minutes in, I finally have something to say) Yeah, Emma Stone as the daughter—literally 25 fucking years old in 2013; she was YOUNG: you know—Rebellious Daughter in the Beginning of Time, right: and Nicholas Cage as the father: because he’s…. A man, right. SUCH a man; male to the bone, right. 

But yeah: it seems like there’s a lot of action, and it’s hinting at a straight-forward plot/conflict: daughter’s self-actualization vs Dad’s Rules, right…. I’m not sure I’ll have much to say. It works for me better than “How To Train Your Dragon”, though, right: lots of false ideology/chauvie pacifism in that movie, right. (beat) If they just run around like idiots for half the movie: that’s fine. I think too much. 

Maybe I just hate men, you know. I don’t know. Men will weather the storm of my defection, right. And Nicholas Cage is a guy you can enjoy hating, right…. You can hate him and just be like: yeah, eff you: ok. No big deal. (nods) (smiles) 

…. (another 15 minutes) The action is okay: but hating Nicholas Cage is enjoyable. That’s the best part. (chuckles) And she has a love interest whose humanity/ability to talk is non-obvious…. (smirks) This movie makes me feel better about myself. That makes it a good movie…. It’s not taking the “best woman’s film directed by a guy” from, I don’t know, “The Joy Luck Club”, or something, (they had us watch us that in program: and I cringed and blanked-out, like: an emotionally worthwhile film! This might bring me sadness!…. “Damn It, Past Ted: we could have learned something!”)…. But yeah: I’m ok with this, fundamentally. 

…. (re-reads intro) Yeah: I mean, my associations are looser than most people’s, right: that’s kinda my intentional modus operandi—I think most people’s associations are too tight, too rigid: and also I guess people are plagued by fear; but lol: I am afraid of…. I mean, it’s a low-level fear, now, but yeah: me and fear, right…. But yeah, the TS song was defs a loose association, right: but the comparison implied between the Edwardian rose garden or whatever, and the cave from The Croods…. That’s gold, right there, people. 

Gold. (nods) 

…. (10 more minutes) 

I hope my girl doesn’t expect me to do that, lol. 

But yeah: it’s not subtle grandeur like a baroque/spy type of movie director, right: but it is visually quite interesting, you know. It has a kind of colorful grandiosity, you know…. 

(smiles) Perhaps, “happy”, is the word, right. Happiness is nothing but manifest disorder, right…. (closes eyes) 

…. (10 more minutes) 

I guess that Ryan Reynolds will have to invent monasticism, instead. lol: I guess I should be flattered that male suffering is so central to the plot; it’s practically about me and not her, right. 

…. (10 more minutes: near the hour mark) 

Yeah…. Well, I seem to be the smartest person to have ever lived: someone should send me a check in the mail. Organize a fan club, right. (smirks) I deserve it. 

(embarrassed laugh) I mean, I did ruin the movie, practically: right? Who doesn’t respect that shit, homies? 

…. (1 hr 5 min) 

I can’t deal with this shit. Good thing I’m done. I never watch forty minutes in a sitting…. And I literally cannot deal with this shit. 

Plus I have to call my dad back; he just left me a message. I’ll have to tell him: silly fathers; patriarchy is for boyfriends! 

I would make another joke if I weren’t so disgusted with my appointed social role, right…. I’m actually a little younger than Ryan Reynolds was; he was 37; what am I, 35…. Yeah: 35. I don’t like knowing that, anymore, how old I am. 

But I’ll be ok. (chuckles) 

…. (Ryan Reynolds) Oh wow: and I’m married to Serena van der Woodsen; I must be a good person. 

(chuckles darkly) I am so not a good person…. 

Ah…. The Marxists won’t spare me…. (laughs) 

…. (Dad’s visit) 

Well, that was a weird experience. At least he took me to the vegan place. (I had the special, an elaborate salad; he had the hummus wrap, which is what he always has.) It’s so weird: talking with someone so earnest, yet so low-key scary, right…. Like, we don’t have to persecute Catholics—or even Japanese Christians, you know. ~And it’s like, he’s not going to be going through my bag; he’s not that crazy…. I still shouldn’t have brought that pagan book to read later; the Morrigan wouldn’t amuse him, right…. 

And my dad got 95% of my attention: but it’s like, behind me I could have sworn that the restaurant girls were putting guys on the dock in absentia, right: and I’m like, that’s so interesting; I wish I knew…. You know: not that it would be easier than talking to my father; but it would be so much more…. (shrugs) You know: unless it’s none of your business—then, it’s none of your business…. Gotta follow the plan…. 

“The Cylons are an important part of science fiction. They destroyed humanity. They’re banging. 

And they have a plan.” 

(laughs) Although that makes it sound: maybe more impressive than, perhaps…. I mean, it isn’t sales, my plan, anymore…. lol…. (laughs) 

~But yeah: when you make a joke with dad; he always makes sure you lose, you know: even if you were trying to just…. Be his affectionate son, or whatever. He’s not angry, typically (in “apolitical” situations, lol); but he’s so insecure…. And, ok: go ahead and laugh—I walked right into it. I forgot that the Irish were associated with drinking, right, for a second. I didn’t anticipate it was going to go there. 

Because I’m not Irish, right…. The Morrighan is just like Artemis, you know. One of the restaurant girls could have been Artemis; the other one…. Right? 

You think I’m crazy. That’s good. Stay firm in your beliefs. Really do what works for you. (nods) 

…. Let’s see: I think I was planning on finishing this today; anyway, I think it’s not a fit for me how people define woman’s film vs women’s cinema; I guess I have a hierarchical male mind, but I don’t think they should overlap: I think it should be, true women’s film (woman director), and general women’s film (male director, female focus/themes)…. It’s like, true cinnamon, vs just, cinnamon, right…. Anyway. 

(the last 25 minutes before credits roll) 

Wow…. No. 

That, plus: pseudo-woman’s film, kinda covers it, right…. 

It’s like: woman has her own unique place in patriarchy, right: a special little place of inferiority, right…. 

Until: something bad happens, so that she can be reminded of the truth: that she is not and cannot be capable—that men, are everything…. 

(snaps fingers) I’ll teach this to the children: I’ll call it, “following the Light”….

~Good thing we’ve arrived in the future, right…. (rolls eyes) That, or this train’s engine just blew out, right…. (chuckles)…. No, really: we’ve arrived in the future—why, it’s 2013…. We’ll look back, and say, Wow, that was the First Day of Tomorrow, right…. 

(eyes flutter with contempt) Well, anyway. 

It’s wasn’t awful-awful, I guess, but yeah. Forgettable in the extreme.