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Warning: Spoilers
Willow was and still is one of my all-time favorite movies. 30+ years later, it has not lost its awe and wonder. The charisma and the chemistry. The arc of the heroes from one exciting scene to the next. The fantasy filled with fairies, brownies, and trolls. And, of course, the thrilling magic. It's such a great adventure even after all this time.
How did none of that get captured in this series? Nearly every actor is painful to listen recite their lines - moaning, whining, and complaining the whole time. At equal fault is the writers, though. They did not craft characters with charm or charisma. Even Warwick Davis, who I've always loved dearly, is given a script so generic he can't come across as genuine in nearly any scene. And they decided Willow did not gain any wisdom with age. He recites cliche "take all your anger, all your love, everything inside of you" guidance that could've been plagiarized from a fortune cookie one moment, then gets pissed that the girl who just found out her true identity a minute ago can't pull off a brand new spell the next. Is that really who Willow would become? Irritable and impatient? He's not even a powerful high Aldwyn of the Nelwyn village. He's a scamming court jester like the Wizard of Oz. Is that really who Willow would become? A lying fraud? The writers could not have missed the mark more to bring out the best Willow possible after 34 years.
Of all the biggest pain points, the deplorable script that reflects nothing of the era the show is set in may be the worst. How did the language of the land go from poetic and free of cursing (the movie) to shallow and loaded with s-bombs (the series)? The scriptwriter(s) deserve to be fired. Equally awful is the cast that was coughed up. Man, there is some unforgivable "acting" in Willow. I'm still in shock I was able to watch the whole season. Amazing how practically none of them were able to transport themselves into a medieval mentality, but instead acted as if they were on the set of Gilmore Girls. The only actor who looked like he belonged was Amar Chadha-Patel. In the beginning, he was looking to be a worthy successor to Madmartigan (I'm sorry, "Mads" as he's now called by Willow and Sorsha...riiiiight), but unfortunately his Boorman fell victim to the Riverdale script, too, and his heroism caliber thinned with each successive episode. And how did no one remind Joanne Whalley that Sorsha did not have an English accent?
The sword fights never look of any prowess or peril. They're slow-motion stunts minced by an editor like garlic. The sets feel inorganic, cheap, and claustrophobic. The costumes mirror Hunger Games more than Willow. And the pop soundtrack...I mean...who made that incongruent decision? While the show is obviously written for the YA market, the series (remember, this is Willow) ends with Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" from 1985. Wrap your brain around all that.
Another blaring inconsistency: WOW! Did they get the trolls wrong. Originally filthy, screaming, black-haired, monkey-crouched animals, they're now upright, white-furred, eloquent...well...humans in cosplay. I couldn't get over the shock. It's all the proof that production never actually saw the movie.
And the magic is of zero imagination. The only spell, no matter who the sorcerer is, is shooting a ray of color. That's literally it. 20 years later and Willow the sorcerer learned how to fire erratic fairy dust from his staff, and so did everyone else, and so can any eavesdropping noob with a flute.
Why the show is teasing Madmartigan seems pointless to me. We're all aware that Val Kilmer's unfortunate health keeps him from returning to one of his more iconic roles (blessing in disguise given how horrible this project turned out to be) so where could the writers, with the lame "story" they've drafted so far, go with him? It's a waste of time, just like the rest of the show. I couldn't find one good thing about it to warrant a 2nd star. It's simply that awful. But if you like watching whining, skill-less cosplayers walking from one set to the next saying the same lines as any episode of Gossip Girl then you'll love this.
1/10
