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If you thought Transformers was dumb, just wait to you see Battleship. Based on the popular board game of the same name, this is like drinking a shitload of Red Bull - it's not good for you in any way, but it tastes nice. Battleship has nothing going for it in terms of plot - at all. We've seen so many invasion movies that the story doesn't break new ground. Directed by Peter Berg, the film does what it's meant to do - entertain us. There's enough eye-candy here to keep brainless teenagers like me impressed, but there's no way this can hold a candle to the success of Michael Bay's Transformers franchise, which in a way, it tries to mimic.
Alex (Taylor Kitsch) is the tearaway brother of naval commander Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgard). Forced into the navy he's still got a lot to learn, but still manages to maintain a romantic relationship with the beautiful Sam (Brooklyn Decker), who is the daughter of the strict Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson). Elsewhere, scientists have built powerful satellites to communicate with any lifeforms out there in the universe. This unexpectedly invites a nasty species of Aliens to crash down on earth in the sea. Intent on using the satellites to communicate with their home planet, the aliens begin battle with US Navy Battleships (three to be precise), and Alex has trouble dealing with the situation.
There's nothing complex about the script, no surprise there. The humans involved are dull, with Alex being quite unlikeable, and we never get to see a great deal of his romance with Sam. I can't particularly note any other characters as there's nothing more to say this element. Basically, these characters are flat and the action is pushed for. However, there is humour in the film, which I liked. There are moments in the film when it doesn't take itself too seriously. As Battleship definitely has an absurd concept, it was nice to see that the filmmakers at least had a sense of humour, with the early scenes being quite amusing. Though a lot of this charm disappears as soon as the aliens arrive, the film still brings small doses of the amusement to keep the audience laughing from time to time. This isn't witty comedy, but it's so silly that you kind of go with it.
What I also hated were the aliens. These aliens, though they may have cool tech, aren't interesting. This is, of course, the fault of the script. Why did these aliens land on our planet? What do they want from us? We can only assume these answers as we're never really given hints. Also, I wish the aliens had been actual characters themselves - that way we could've maybe learned more about their intentions. With so many invasion movies that actually have menacing bad guys, Battleship just feels weak in the mix. These aliens aren't the slightest bit threatening (apart from the weapons), and their look is rather... weird. I won't spoil their design, and I can't even explain how terrible they look. Basic statement I'm trying to make: the aliens didn't deliver on what they were supposed to. The running time actually went over-board for me (see what I did there?), clocking over 2 hours. Normally I'm fine with this, but when nothing interesting happens on screen, it really starts to get boring. The pacing is definitely an issue, with the first act in particular draining our minds. I just wanted the film to cut to the battle - that's what the audience is here for. With such an empty script, the film really didn't to spend anytime with plot and character development. It was just a waste of time.
Taylor Kitsch is not having a good year. After the dismal John Carter (which is apparently the biggest box-office flop of all time), he's not having a lot of luck in the industry. My issue with him is that he brings the same performance to every role with that husky voice. Is he trying to be a badass or something? Granted he did have a bit of humour to work with here so that was nice. Liam Neeson spends most of the movie trying to keep a straight face, though he doesn't have a lot of screen time. Likewise, Alexander Skarsgard isn't in the movie for very long. Brooklyn Decker, surprisingly, didn't bother me too much in the film, and she had great banter with war veteran Gregory D. Gadson, who plays a patient of hers. However, someone who did bother me was Rhianna. Oh dear, she shouldn't be acting at all. Luckily, her character had absolutely nothing to do in this.
The only reason I went into this was for the action, and the film delivered on its promise. While it takes a while for the action to begin, I was satisfied when it started. The aliens crashing on Earth literally brings the action to the film, and it immediately enters into explosive battles. Berg has always been fond of using shaky-camera work, but he tones it down in Battleship The action sequences are actually extremely well put together, with the sound perfect (the sound effects are reminiscent of those in Transformers), and the images crisp and convincing. There are small set-pieces that actually hark back to the game this film is based on, and those moments are fantastic, adding actual tension to the film as both sides can't see each other. My big issue with the action is that it never peaks at the end - the final confrontation is really disappointing, and far too short for there to have been any real suspense. Still, it looked great. The soundtrack is fun and upbeat, and while the aliens themselves look ridiculous, their technology is insanely cool. You'll find the aliens doing a lot more destruction than the humans (surprise, surprise).
Battleship is so stupid. There's no intelligence at all here. It's all eye candy, and it delivers on that. The action in this film has its breathtaking moments. While it almost has nothing to do with board game - no one evers says "You suck my battleship!" - it does entertain, and if you're in the right mood, Battleship is a lot of fun. It's a seriously flawed film, and there's no way a sequel will be made, but if you're bored and you simply want to see shit blow up, look no further than Battleship.
6/10
