Know Thyself

Be a rebel. Destroy the System. Found a franchise. (And fail.)

"And what happens after that, I leave up to you."

And, yeah, with that (kinda) out of the way, I can say that....this is actually kinda an average movie. You might say, "What? Like the Chronicles of Riddick?" Well, why don't you sit down, take a seat, and I'll explain the nature of this Large System to you.....

*thunder and lightning happen behind me, quite conveniently*

'Once upon a time, there was a man named Sam Walton, and he came from a place named Arkansas, which is a very bad place, because no presidents have come from there, and besides, like Colorado, there are no posh places to hang out there. Fortunately, my crib here is a very nice place to hang out.'

'But! That is how the Grand War first began. But, you were asking me about the Large System. So, let me tell you about the Singular Dude.' *blows on a whistle*

' "In! times of old beyond the sea, when Waermund ruled the Anglecynn, to him was born a worthy son, who would in time a hero become!" '

'But, the point is, my Canadian friend, you may already be working for Wal-Mart and its white minions. But take heart! Perhaps a snobby Biblical Reference will save the day!'

'Yes, indeed, what IS truth? And what is Large System? Well, Canadian anti-Anglo Lead Dude, you were born into a prison. Yes, like everyone else, you were born in bondage, you are a slave. You are just like the chattel-slave ancestors of your black friend here, only worse. Yes, because you were born into a prison that can taste and see and touch and feel. A prison, called your body. Yes, the body...it is so much less intellectual than the mind.'

*ponders how to weave more theology into the plot/backstory*

'Oh, and remember, don't date any women that wear attractive red dresses; they might be working for the enemy.'

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

And, in a way, it's even worse than "The Chronicles of Riddick", because you know that it takes a white Canadian dude to decide that everybody named Smith, or Gilbert, or whatever, is part of the anti-Christ....Vin Diesel would never waste his time on crap like that.

But, I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and say that it's about as good. After all, it's kinda cool to watch, since some pretty nifty scary cool shit does happen. Techno-like, but, it works...it works.

It just doesn't quite live all the way up to its conceit, that's all.

{Imagine Vin Diesel saying that. ^^}

....

And, you know, even when they say something which is kinda true, they just don't get it. Like, the Famous Five Year-Old Buddhist Sage is all like, "It is not the spoon that bends..."

So Mr. Hero says, 'Oh, okay; I'm a spoon.'

He just don't get it...

But he can dodge bullets. Sorta.

....

And it's a little.... terrorist-y.

And that kinda sucks.

And the people who aren't like us are so suck-y.... that they're actually part of the Matrix.

*makes think-y noise with lips* Wow. Patronizing.

(7/10)