Review of Robin Hood

When I saw the previews for this on the SyFy Channel, I was curious: Jamie Foxx as (Little) John suggested another Kevin Costner-like telling of the tale, but without the gleefully-sophomoric Mel Brooks-like parody. Some of the scenery and plot even suggested the anachronisms of A Knight's Tale, without the sly winks and nudges to the audience (dancing to David Bowie's "Golden Years" while keeping a straight face, anyone?)

Instead I got this: A meandering preamble by Friar Tuck suggesting this was a prequel and, quite possibly, a franchise in the making. Well, speaking of anachronisms, the King Richard-era city of Nottingham, when viewed a wide panning and as the setting for the story, looked mighty impressive for the limited engineering skills available at that time.

Well, any hopes of a franchise failed when you decide to toss every woke culture trope into the mix:

- The Crusades as an earlier version of The Gulf Wars? Hell, the English are even wearing desert-camo leather! Notably, Sir Guy of Gisbourne, long the antagonist to Robin's adventures all but disappears after these scenes. Maybe he would've returned in any sequels?
- We knew the Ottomans were an technologically-advanced society, but arrow-launching Gatling guns (or even M-240-Golfs for Gulf-savvy armament fans)?? And scenes all but lifted directly from Saving Private Ryan to boot!
- John as a Muslim Socialist? Oh, boy, that's gonna make some of Sanders' followers "Bern!"
- The Sherriff of Nottingham,....dear Lord, where do we start? An amalgam of every bloviating US neo-con and Britain First politician, whipping the populace to fund his anti-Muslim/anti-immigration war wagering (hey, isn't that the job of the King or Prince John?). The Sheriff as a survivor of the abuses of the Catholic Church AND their lay puppet to carry out whatever machinations they had in mind?

As I mentioned at the beginning, this appeared to be a prequel or the start of a planned franchise, which would explain the absence of some of the more well-known "Merry Men" such as Will Scarlett (Jamie Dornan's Will Tillman has an altogether different fate) and Alan-a-Dale.

In the end, the movie's foul stench would've caused King Richard to name the toilets "Johns" had Prince John even appeared in the plot!

Ah, well, another "what-if" that'll never come to fruition.