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I’ll start off by stating that Frankenstein is called Count instead of his usual title of Baron and there’s no reason or explanation as to why, but like the rest of this movie it seems to be a bunch of odds and ends wrapped up to make 90 minutes of crap. The movie opens up with some cave-man getting beat to death by a mob and the musical score is so intense that you think you skipped to the middle part of the film and didn’t realize it. Soon after we see the servant (Genz), Igor, and this annoying dwarf unearth a grave. The funny thing to note about this scene is we see that 3 people are doing a grave robbery and when we finally get to see what it is they’re stealing this big musical score comes on to reveal that it’s….are you ready…a coffin! Wow, what a shock! Anyway, they steal the body to implant the brain into the very same brute we saw get beating to death at the start.
I mentioned the annoying dwarf but he’s much more than that. He’s an idiot and he’s evil (more on that later). The midget soon gets kicked out of the castle for living his footprints at the scene of the grave robbery and the Count is pissed off. After getting kicked out of the Castle he befriends a Neanderthal man (which is a legendary myth in this area for some odd reason). This is where the movie goes from boring to 'stick-my-head-in-hot-oil'. We get to watch this dwarf teach this caveman how to eat cooked food….yawn. Then, just when my eyes where soon shutting, the Counts daughter and her guest, Krista, decide to take a naked dip in the cave’s pool (but it’s all right, it’s daytime so the caveman must be sleeping). Again, the dwarf appears and is spying on their beautiful naked bodies. After viewing this naked scene there is soon another as the dwarf and his caveman friend kidnap a young girl and the dwarf teaches the caveman the 'pleasures of life' and proceeds to rape the poor girl. This midget is evil! The ironic thing is after the poor girl is rapped and killed, and the town and area know about it, Krista decides to go to the cave by herself for another naked dip in the pool and guess what? She gets kidnapped and held by the caveman and this frigg’n dwarf….bitch almost deserves it for being so dumb.
Soon the town mob is aware of all these killings and kidnappings and decides to take their pitchforks and torches to the Count’s castle, of course. But during this we find out the dwarf has freed the Count’s monster from earlier, as revenge for having him kicked out. The monster befriends the dwarf and is taking to the cave to meet poor Krista. The caveman and Frankenstein’s monster duke it out for the girl and the Monster wins! The best part about this scene is the dwarf is so saddened by the loss of his caveman friend yet he couldn’t care less about rapping and killing woman. This dwarf is fucked! Yeah, but who the fuck cares anyway dwarf. The mob soon catches up and kills the Monster bugger anyway by burning him alive. But we are left with the moral of the story, spoken by the detective; 'There’s a little monster in all of us!'. Now the plot is complete, what plot!?
The main premise of this movie is tits! There’s no reason to show any of them and we get to view a lot, even if the story doesn’t need them. In fact, there is no story either. Frankenstein is barely shown actually doing any operating at all and the main plot seems to be about this dwarf’s poor life. Gag, no one gives a shit. In summary, this movie is to be viewed only once and you guessed why, tits!
