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With the unprecedented success of "Underworld" under his belt, Len Wiseman returned to helm the follow-up with a considerably larger budget and more stylized vampire action and black leather to fill a hundred Hot Topics. However, it wasn't long before he dispelled the old adage of "bigger is better".
"Underworld: Evolution" picks up directly after the events of the first with our heroes, Selene and Michael Corvin (Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman, respectively) on the run after they're unfathomable bond and betrayal set in motion a series of events that brought Selene's master to his death and the worlds of Lycans and vampires to disarray. In the wake of this chaos, another elder vampire wakes and that's when things get stupid.
The setup is logical, the action is as ridiculous but entertaining as before, and all the self-serious goth meets The Matrix aesthetic is on high but the film quickly comes undone with the presence of Markus (Tony Curran) as the big bad. Markus' story necessitates a retcon of the idea that Viktor was the first and most formidable vampire, essentially telling the audience that they're fools for ever finding that guy a threat. In a bid to up the ante and introduced a bigger and more imposing menace, the film effectively treads on the good work of BIll Nighy who had commanded every scene as Viktor in the first film. Worse, Markus, for all his bluster, is ultimately a weak replacement that inexplicably didn't put his current plan into effect until Viktor's death despite having a virtual life insurance the whole time. The film tries to explain this away by telling us that he feared Viktor's armies but the fact that they wouldn't dare kill him anyway makes it all nonsense.
You see, the film starts by showing us a Markus that was dead set on locking his Lycan twin away but by the time Markus returns he's dead set on releasing him and creating some sort of master race. It's ludicrous to even type this stuff up. It almost feels like they were missing some intrinsic piece of backstory that would lead us to care or believe that Markus' loved his brother enough to bite his tongue for years and then finally unleash his wrath upon Viktor's death. If it is, bad news, it was pivotal. As it stands the movie lacks it and comes off as preposterous
That, however, is the least of its sins. The film introduces a character so baffling and useless that it literally made me watch the movie twice to see if I missed something. Derek Jacobi as Corvinus, the father of all three races of beings in this universe has SOMEHOW always been behind the scenes and only tidies up for the vamps and Lycans and basically is an exposition machine that serves no purpose but to overcomplicate a concept that didn't need muddling with. When I say he serves no purpose, I mean he literally refuses to get involved save by proxy of our heroine. We could of done without this joker and had the same results.
While they never undo the balance of supernatural and science (Lycans and vampires being genetic freaks) that the first movie set forward they do make it profoundly stupid by verifying that the legend of Corvinus it's based on is true. This effectively makes Markus even more stupid by making him a guy that somewhere along the way was actually bitten by a bat and mutated because of his genetic predisposition. This gets dumber when you realize that if that part of the legend turned out to be reality then that means his brother had to, by chance, be bitten by a wolf too so he could spawn werewolves. Before this movie this was just a legend that people used to explain a condition, after this movie it's a literal headache-inducing reality. Oy vey.
And the nonsense piles on with ridiculous deus ex machina and the butchering of their own mythos just to fit in this plot with Markus and his brother. Oh, Viktor has a key in his chest all along and that's tied into the locket that was on his daughter and Lucian. All these "reveals" feel forced and totally unnecessary. A single key would of been sufficient, did they have it out for Bill Nighy or something? Sure felt that way.
"Evolution" is mind-numbingly overwrought. It thinks it's clever but it's really jaw-droppingly stupid. The action is a respite from the absurdity and Kate Beckinsale's Selene is someone you want to see in something far better than this dreck. Effects are mostly fantastic save a few moments that, despite the budget boost, look atrocious. I'm looking at you intro CGI werewolves.
I had seen this movie previous to reviewing ages ago and I remembered nothing about it. Now I know why.
