Stay Out of the Swamp!

These are his woods! After a bad breakup, Ben's friends go with him to Mardi Gras to lift his spirits. Not working, Ben leaves all but one (who tags along) to find his own way to feel better, a haunted swamp ride through the Louisiana snake infested swamp. Along the 40 dollar scam called a tour, the guide tells a story about the legend of Victor Crowley, misfit kid who lived in these swamps; and whos father kills him by accident trying to get into their blazing house with a hatchet; ironically trying to save him from the fire. Shortly after, the boat breaks down and the group of ametuer pornstar idiots, wholesome hubby and wife, and girl who keeps to herself but has too good of knowledge of where she is are stuck. No help, no next tour ferry, no cell phone reception; these guys are fucked. Victor Crowley makes his presence known and violently kills a few of them. Gasping, running for air, the girl who knew too much was there to find her father and brother; who she believed was killed by Crowley. That's right, the story is true! a horrofyingly mutilated Victor Crowley lurks the swamp hunting them down in some death scenes i personally stood up in the theatre and fucking clapped for. The entire movie makes you hate, and love seeing those you hate die; along with laughter brought by the token black guy. It's not a remake. It's not a sequel. And it's not based on a japanese one. Hatchet is Old School American Horror. I didn't think they could bring it back, but this movie proved me wrong. Good going on this, and keep the body count rising in this same fashion!

Misty: Are you sure the number is 911?
Jenna: What else would it be, dumbass?
Misty: Well how should I know if it's the cell, maybe you have to type in a different area code.


9/10