Take it for what it is...

It is with much confidence that I can state that during my numerous years of viewing movies, never before have I beheld an action film's opening sequence tagged with a hero dispatching a villain by penetrating their brain with a carrot, delivering a baby during an intense, chaotic gunfight, then severing the baby's umbilical cord with a bullet before a rather comical profanity exchange using neon lights. If you're incapable of discerning what this film is about after reading the title and the opening sentence of this review...then you're in trouble. Shoot 'Em Up is a straightforward satirical addition to the action genre. For its entire 80-minute duration, writer/director Michael Davis has crafted a masterful action flick overflowing with silly over-the-top violence and ingeniously witty (hilarious) one-liners.

You know what the difference is between Shoot 'Em Up and an action film from the mind of someone like Uwe Boll? Shoot 'Em Up is a great bad movie...while Uwe Boll produces plain unadulterated bad movies! Boll is somehow so incredibly self-deluded that he sincerely believes he's creating an artistic and inspiring piece of celluloid, and that he's an "industry genius". Truth be told, Boll's films such as BloodRayne and Alone in the Dark are dull and uninspiring beyond all comprehension, not to mention they are also among the worst pile of faeces ever to be committed to film. On the other hand, Michael Davis' Shoot 'Em Up is completely 100% self-aware that it's a noisy, stupendous, over-the-top, leave-your-brain-at-the-door bullet-fest...and it's proud of it. It also only aspires to provide a simple fun time without taking itself seriously at all. This is why I can consciously enjoy Shoot 'Em Up and grant it an emphatic thumbs up, while absolutely detesting creations from filmmakers such as Rob Cohen, Uwe Boll or Michael Bay.

Immature, irresponsible, dumb and insane are just a few words to accurately describe Shoot 'Em Up. It's a film lacking a meaty, cohesive narrative, and it exists merely to exhibit a dozen or so outrageous, awesome action sequences. Astonishing violent and astonishingly stylish, this film is exhilarating fun! It's even complete with a blaring soundtrack featuring Wolfmother, Motörhead, AC/DC, and various other artists. Furthermore, our hero continually munches on carrots throughout the film's duration. The first time we see Clive Owen as tough guy supreme, chewing a carrot at a bus-stop, we know he means business. And yes, there are the obvious Looney Tunes references such as "What's up doc?" followed by "You're a wascally wabbit!". Davis probably inserted these references to remind the audience of the old-fashioned cartoon violence from the Looney Tunes shorts, as it's the kind of comic violence presented in this film.

While the film is primarily about action, it has its fair share of clever one-liners. For example, Paul Giamatti's Mr. Hertz is forever on the phone to his wife.
"You know why a gun is better than a wife? You can put a silencer on a gun."
Clive Owen is also given a number of notable moments, such as when he describes himself as "a British nanny, and I'm dangerous".
In the long run, Shoot 'Em Up is a whole lot of shootouts, sex scenes, and even a shootout during a sex scene. At one stage there's even a shooting gallery, with little time to breathe except for when the characters are reloading. Thankfully, though, Michael Davis has learned to shoot his shootouts (pun intended) in the best kind of style: so that we know what is actually going on (take notes, Michael Bay). In the long run, the film is an extended gun-battle with a concise running time that leaves you hungry for more.

It seems almost redundant to outline the plot. After all, if you watch a film with the title of Shoot 'Em Up searching for plot and thoughtful dialogue...you're in the wrong place.
More or less, the film follows the carrot-chomping, gun-touting Mr. Smith (Owen). Smith is a tired, apathetic bystander who witnesses a pregnant woman being pursued by gunmen. He reluctantly intervenes and gets in on the action. The woman gives birth to a child (during an intense gun battle) before getting killed in the cross-fire. Smith feels compelled to protect the newborn, and recruits lactating hooker girlfriend Donna (Bellucci) while the vicious Hertz (Giamatti) is on the hunt with an army of gunmen. Meanwhile, as Smith eludes Hertz's men, he tries to figure out why the tot was targeted and endeavours to fathom the full extent of what he's got himself into.
The film opens with the New Line cinema logo being shot to bits...it's an indication of things to come. The proceedings get underway when Smith gets entangled in a large-scale gun battle with deafeningly raucous music accompanying the extremely violent visuals. Needless to say, it seldom lets up for meaningful dialogue or a fleshed out story.

Clive Owen is excellent as the title character. Having this rugged, handsome hero in the film really elevates the overall value. Granted, Owen is at times quite wooden. But it's the point: he's a dead-pan character who shows little emotion no matter the circumstances. Like when he's in the middle of sex, he's interrupted by a bunch of hooligans with guns. Still pleasuring his girl, he grabs a pistol and begins rolling into strategic positions with bullets whipping around him. Never does he look remotely scared or threatened. After dispatching said gunmen, he casually remarks "Talk about shooting your load."
Paul Giamatti could be the greatest action movie villain since Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard back in 1988. Giamatti has witty dialogue to deliver and is oozing charm throughout. He's a pleasure to watch for every frame of his screen-time.
Monica Bellucci is angelic and seductive as the lactating prostitute. Her introductory scene shows her breast-feeding an adult male. This establishes her character very fittingly.
The acting from most of the supporting cast is pretty standard. Then again, this is just a straightforward action film where the grunts are dispatched within a few seconds of their introduction...so don't expect Oscar material.

As previously stated, Shoot 'Em Up is unreservedly self-aware that it's insane, ridiculous and definitely not a movie to be taken seriously for a split second. So, logically, it disregards the requirements of physics, character depth or coherent plotting all for the sake of having some fun at whatever the cost. The action scenes are deliberately as idiotic and unfeasible as you can imagine, but they're so exaggerated that there's always a sense of humour. This reminds you that you should be smiling instead of sneering.

If you can ignore the fact that the world of physics is completely overlooked here, you shouldn't have any difficulty going along for the ride. This is what makes Shoot 'Em Up such a fun flick. The shootouts are so outrageous and will have the audience laughing and cheering at the preposterous proceedings. Furthermore, the filmmakers have purposely made the special effects look awful. The sky-diving action scene is so ridiculous and looks so unbelievable that you can practically see the green screen. It's the point! Or when Smith's car flips over, then flips upright again and he isn't even scratched. The internal logic is meant to be nonsense. On these merits, Michael Davis has scored a winner. For its entire 80-minute duration it's a total blast! It's a bloody good, entertaining, nonsensical low-brow satirical take on the action genre. Lighten up, leave you brain and common sense at the door, and you'll have a great time! For those that hate the film...remember that it's supposed to be a completely stupendous, silly flick and it's 100% proud to be as such!

8.3/10