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Review of Practical Magic

Rating: Zero Stars

This "film" made me feel something I hadn't felt in a while as I watched it; pain, confusion, and anger. I don't really know why this "film" is getting to me so much I didn't have any expectations going in I just happened to be having a Nicole Kidman semi-marathon and this happened to appear next on Netflix. But, man was it bad. I mean REALLY bad.

The most glaring problem with this "film" is its tone; it doesn't know if it wants to be dark comedy or lighthearted comedy; is it for adults? Teens? Kids? I couldn't tell you. What I can tell you is that the adults in this act so wacky and over the top you'd swear this is some after school made for TV Halloween show produced by the Disney channel to keep your kids quiet. 

But, then there will be these dark tonal shifts that come right out of nowhere including death, murder, revival of a corpse, murder again, burial in the front yard,and an exorcism. These tone changes don't blend well almost as if 3 or 4 different movie ideas were all thrown together.

Besides those issues SO many things don't make sense or are just confusing or are just plain stupid (By the way SPOILERS); for instance in the beginning we are told that the distant ancestor of Sally and Gillian (played by Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman respectively) was abandoned by her lover and thus, put a spell on herself so she wouldn't fall in love ever again because she didn't want to deal with the heartbreak (okay in this world they are creating I can by that) however, then this spell becomes a curse and now will affect all generations that follow and if someone should fall in love then their partner will die soon after..... and the death will be signaled by the clicking sound of a beetle....  


Well why did it become a curse? Wasn't it already a curse since you would never love again? Why did it turn into something so specific that you never explain the rules to fully? If their ancestor put the spell (now) curse on herself can't you just put your heads together and remove it or change it? (There are several generations of your family who know magic so it never occurred to any of them to sit down and try to solve it)? 

When I thought about it I realized why they didn't try to undo this "curse" because then everything would have been solved and we wouldn't have a "movie" but this could have been an easy fix just have someone else place the curse on her and then show that the generations of her family have tried to undo it but have never been able to solve it; don't just have them shrug their shoulders and act like it's all cool! Especially if they are going to fall in love with someone and act like this whole death thing isn't going to happen! (I am sorry if I come off strong but when a film falls apart on its own BS logic within the first five minutes; one tends to notice these things! Also, the sisters end up breaking the curse by the end because of some BS bond they made; see was that so hard!?!?

Which brings me to my next point about Sally and Gillian and their Aunts who raised them after the curse claimed their Father and their Mother left the girls with them. The Aunts actually argue about this curse being an "actual" curse; that's right one says those deaths of the partners were accidental and the other says it was the curse. Even though in the opening narration they both said it was a real curse and were telling this story to both Sally and Gillian as little girls around the time they were also arguing whether or not the curse was actually real; so yeah kind of a big miss there on the writer's part but again if the Aunts actually knew the curse was real (which they should know) then there wouldn't be any "conflict" in this story.

So get this despite one Aunt saying the curse is real and one saying it isn't they throw caution into the wind and put a spell on Sally to get her interested in this one man who she then marries and has two daughters with him. Then big shocker! He gets hit by a truck and dies. Then when the Aunts tell her about it they say they just wanted to give her a push not have her fall in love! WHAT THE F**K!

So what did you guys expect to happen?
If you didn't want her to fall in love what did you want her to do?
Why would you use a bit of magic on her and push her in the direction of her most likely falling in love; if you didn't want her to fall in love?

Then to make it even more confusing that beetle comes into play with that clicking sound and when Sally (Sandra) hears this in her home she desperately tears up the wooden floor boards to find the beetle. But, WHY? If she finds the beetle before it stops can she somehow prevent her husband's death? I don't know because the "movie" never bothered to detail that kind of important information when they said a beetle signals death.

There are numerous problems like that throughout the entire run time that it is impossible to not notice them. Also, if that wasn't enough there's bad dialogue throughout this thing too! Oh boy! Such as she died of a broken heart! They use that broken heart BS several times throughout this thing and it made me sick; I guess we know where those Star Wars prequels got that idea from.

On a final note I don't know why I hated that scene where they dance through the house listening to the song "Coconut" all I know is that I NEVER want to watch that scene again. 

I suppose this film was shot well and had some good songs in it but besides those qualities I hated this "movie" it was obnoxious, mean spirited, all over the place, annoying, confusing, and just one of the most unpleasant and painful viewing experiences of my life! I am getting a headache just thinking about it! If you enjoyed the "movie" I'm glad it did something for you more then it did for me because for me personally it was just insulting to my intelligence and didn't do a thing for me.

Thus, I reiterate my rating: Zero Stars.    
Added by SwornShadow
2 years ago on 31 January 2016 09:40