Writing

I've got my permission, and now i'm going to start a writing thread.
This thread is for people who like to write, not just people that want to make fun of it, please only write appropriate thing.
RULES (so says the moderators)

1.No stupid writings, idk what they mean by that, but no stupid writings, oh and nothing like a joke.

2.only poems and short stories.

3. please have fun.

I'll wait for someone to start.

I have a question...
Does critizing the work and giving advice on how to improve it or pointing out spelling errors count as making fun of it?

Actually, here's an idea, if you want criticism or spell check, ask for it at the end of your story/poem
And, could the Moderators explain what they mean by stupid writings? seeing as stupid is mostly opinonated, are we talking about like semi original works such as fan fics, or are we talking idiotic chat dribble, or are we talking like, "I saw a potato the end" or all of them?
Vagueness is how people get around rules, so try to make it a bit more defined

I'll try and come up with a good -short story-... what is considered a short story anyways?
PS I'd post a story, but my memory got wiped, so my computer no longer has them on it... I have, *Cough* a few stories on a disk, but I gotta find it first...

Mmmkay I found them, this one is Upon a Cross, there is the 1st Person and the Third person form(I haven't decided what form the story will be in)
Unfortunately I'm dropping this story down for a bit cuz of that damned Twilight, since they both deal with Vampires and I don't like writing what's 'in' at the time... even if a monkey could do a better story then Twilight...
Oh, and Yes, I want any Criticism, Spelling Errors, any of it, the whole nine yards, I need it...

Here's 3rd Person Form-
The room was dim except for a tall figure in the center of the room. It was a cross... No, there was something else... A young man seemed to be tied to it, similar to a crucification. Upon closer examination of the man's features it appeared to be a 16 year old guy with black neck lengthhair, his eyes were closed almost in a state of death. A single bead of sweat was on his cheek. His finely chiseled features would have wooed most girls. His clothing was rather casual though expensive, a coat with fur and some torn jeans. The jacket was torn in an X fashion where two deep bleeding cuts were. The dimmed lights became slightly brighter and more details could be made out. Faint candles with blue flames surrounded the cross in an ominous circle. The building appeared to be an old abandoned church that was painted purple and black, with the sacred window shattered. Shady characters dressed in purple cloaks slowly walked through the black doors and into the room, where they slowly moved into a circle around the teenager. While this was occurring the teenager slowly opened his eyes, revealing golden brown colored eyes. He seemed to frown for a second, trying to comprehend where he was. Then his eyes widened as his senses came back to him and he struggled for a second beginning to bear his teeth. One of the purple cloaked individuals muttered something to the other and the teenager suddenly had a look of pain on his face as his eyes shut and his body fell back into a death like state. Only the slow rise and fall of his chest showed that he was still alive. His mouth hung open from it's hinges, revealing sharp fangs. He was a vampire...

And Here's 1st Person form-
I slowly began to hear the sound of various footsteps approaching me and my eyes slowly opened. It took sometime for my pupils to adjust to the light as I felt very numb and weak. I slowly took in everything around me, an old run down church it seemed a purple and black one too. I appeared to be suspended from the ground. I frowned at that, why would I be suspended off the ground? Am I dead? I suddenly smelled incense and nodded my head down weakly. My eyes widened in shock as I saw that I was ona cross, surrounded by candles of blue flames and purple cloaked figures, but, more importantly, the two deep gashes in my chest. I could almost picture my eyes popping out of my head as I began to really feel the pain I must have been feeling for quite sometime. I struggled fora moment and then realized how tight the ropes were as more pain came from my wrists, waist and my legs. I looked back at the cloaked figures and tried to gather the strength to scream at them, or even to break the ropes, but one of them appeared to say something to the other one and the pain caused my consciousness to drift from me as my eyes slowly got sleepier and sleepier and I obeyed my mind and closed my eyes. My mouth wanted to open and I tried my best not to, they couldn't learn my secret, but I failed to stop myself. The sound slowly disappeared and then the pain receded and I fell into a sleep. All I knew was that I was going to get them back eventually.

no, critizing is aloud.

huh, well i'm no real expert and i can't really find any errors, but that's pretty good so far. if i looked closer at it i may find some flaws, but i feel too lazy at the moment to do that :P

I'm mostly going to post poetry to be honest... i like poems a lot even though i'm writing a book. anyways, here's one.

EVERYBODY KNOWS

Everybody knows that the days are loaded
Everybody rolls with thier fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows that good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor and the rich get rich
That's just how it goes, Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leacking
Everybody knows the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like a father, or a dog just died
Everybody ralks to thier pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose, Everybody knows.

Thats a rather broad topic, I see a bit of critcism towards Valentine's Day being so materialistic now, I see a bit about a leadership filling it's people with lies and not only that, the people themselves fill theirselves and others with lies as well, and I see something about the war being fixed as the three basic bits of it...

Honestly, it's pretty cool, original, but simply laid out, though still complex enough to make the person think a bit... oh but I found a few small errors: you spelled Leaking and Their wrong, and what is ralks?

You've won a poetry reward if I remember right?

Hah, when I criticize my work, seeing as I am the one who made it, I can't find any things that could use work(but that's why criticism needs to come from others! :P) but I found out that I put in the wrong words occassionally that didn't make sense... like know instead of no, and stuff like that :P little stupid errors that make me slap myself lol

if anyone has the time or isn't in a lazy mood, give me some criticism

i meant 'talks'.

okays, well i did read just so you know, i just was too lazy to look for tiny errors like that so, eh, sue me. :)

i gots another,this one's more happy!

Summer Winds
Wisp by my ears
Pass by the peers
Float through the day
Hover towards night
Smell the flowers and hear the calls
Hear the water at the water fall
Feel the breeze and touch the wind
Rejoice in happiness
Rejoice at the end

Alright, I'll put up the other short story that I have accessible as of now...
Part of the same story, but totally different characters(The previous one was the main character, this one is of two secondary characters) it is also in third and first, just cuz seeing as one of them is insane, I thought it'd be fun to write in his point of view, and oh hell yes it was!
This one is not put together well, but I kinda like it's sloppy style, it kinda makes it look better somehow

btw, these both came from dreams I had, which I then wove into stories, which then interweaved into eachother to form a possible series... as soon as I get around to writing it... *cough Cough* The sudden Twilight phase has slowed me down considerably, because I don't like writing what's 'current' to 'pop culture' lucky friggin me it comes out now... oh well at least Muse got a bit of attention from it...


Insanity Versus Instinct
3rd Person-
The darkness surrounded the two figures. They were in a clearing, a shining crescent moon revealed their details. One of them was a large brown wolf, it's eyes a wild yellow, thick saliva dripped from it's mouth and it's fur raised on end. It was glaring at the other figure, a person, whom stared back at the wolf, smiling, showing off bright teeth that glittered with a red drop rolling down his chin. Long black hair hung from his head all around, he appeared to be about 18 and he was very pale colored. He stared at the wolf with an odd look, his eyes were glowing a bright red, but the color was obviously brown. He wore black clothing and he was obviously insane. The wolf howled once and the vampire laughed, obviously understanding the wolf's sound. He laughed louder and began to speak. "Just because you're stopping me, you think that I'm going to stop hunting that delicious human, well keep dreaming doggy boy, I'll tear you to shreds" His body blended with the darkness and he disappeared. The wolf's eyes widened for a moment and he changed forms quickly, into a human, but with wolf ear's and a tail, and jumped into the air, narrowly avoiding the now extended claws of the vampire. He had new features now, he looked to be about 18, and he had brown hair set into a rough pony tail. His eyes shown yellow and his canines were slightly larger then normal. He flipped like an acrobat and landed a few feet away and brushed himself off. Then looked up.
"I'd rather not fight you Darek, control yourself! Don't hunt Kate!"
Darek meerly laughed again and charged at him, jabbing forward with his claws rapidly, speaking as the werewolf dodged his attacks barely each time, "Control myself? I think I am doing a rather fine job of that seeing as I'm fighting you first Seija you half breed mutt"
Seija frowned and ducked and uppercut Darek upwards. "I am serious Darek! you've been around for 300 years, learning to control your vampiric thirsts, and you can't control them, and yet Jacob whom has only been a vampire for a few months is the one protecting Kate from you! Is that what you want to be?! Weaker then a few months old vampire?!"
A touch of emotion showed up on Darek's face, anger, he suddenly changed his attitude of fighting and vanished and reappeared at the side of Seija, side kicking him into a tree a few yards away. Seija lay still, clutching his rib cage, coughing up blood. Darek walked over to him and drove his claws straight into Seija's shoulder and Seija winced in pain, drawing in a sharp breath. "You think I'm weaker then him, ha! That little runt! I'll show him how the unsophisticated vampires used to fight! You'll see Seija! You'll see! I'll beat him and prove you wrong!" Darek ran off into the woods and Seija put his hand up, trying to somehow stop him from getting away, and then slumped down again, closing his eyes as he slowly lost consciousness, his body returning to that of a normal human's...

1st Person- Darek -Remember that he is insane, and in a state of lust, so this is somewhat confusing

I smiled, this would be fun I thought as I stared at Seija's wolf form. No it won't another voice in my mind said, but I ignored him. Listening only to the other voices that wanted me to fight Seija, I wouldn't even listen to my own voice, which was telling me to go after Kate and Jacob, No, I'd much rather so Seija his place. Yes, yes, that's what I'll do, I'll show the puppy who is the top dog. I felt my lips being touch by my tongue and thought whether to bite it or let myself enjoy the taste. I chose the last option. Seija suddenly howled and my mind translated it near perfectly, he wanted me to stop, I could hear the fear in his howl, as well as the threatening tone. My body felt a cold shiver of excitement and it itched to attack, all of my thoughts suddenly focused on fighting the wolf, Seija... I laughed at him, then another part of me wanted to laugh so I laughed again "Just because you're stopping me you think I'll stop hunting that delicious human" as I said this somewhere in my mind came a faint voice trying to tell me not to call Kate that, but I ignored it again, I was in control for once, not that other me... I moved towards him, unsure of how fast I moved and lunged at him, extending my claws, but he quickly changed into his mostly human form and dodged it, flipping in the air, part of me wanted to just kill him while he was in the air, but no, I wouldn't do that, I'd draw this fight out, make it fun, after all I hadn't fought in a while, might as well make it fun. But I still had to rush a bit, every second meant Jacob and Kate were getting further away in that damned car of his... I realized Seija had said something along the lines of 'don't hunt Kate, I don't want to fight you and to 'control' myself' this made me laugh, "control myself? I'd say I'm in complete control right now" I said as I jabbed at him a few more times. Then Seija began speaking but I was too busy attacking to bother listening, but my ears caught what he was saying when he uppercut me, the pain didn't bother me though, I was used to it, but he said I was weaker then Jacob, he said I was weaker, weak! I am not weak, I am not weak! I hate it when people say that! One of me said that I should eat him, the other wanted me to kill him, but I was feeling merciful, and I was in a rush, so I decided to punish him, I quickly flipped and moved to a tree and pushed off it, again, unsure of how fast, but I side kicked him into a tree and stared at him in that pitifully weak position, who was weak? I think he was... I was hungry, but I wanted only one prize... I slowly walked over to him and stabbed his shoulder, "You think I'm weaker then him? ha! that little runt! you'll see Seija! You'll see! I'll beat him and prove you wrong!" I wanted to kill Seija right then and there because as soon as the other me gained control it wouldn't happen, but I had to get my prize and I had to prove that dog wrong, I'd show him, I'll destroy Jacob, yes, thats what I'll do. I suddenly realized that I was in the woods now and that I was licking the blood off me hand as I move

wow... this all cmae from a dream you had... cool.

i don't usually try to make a story out of the stuff i dream, but i think i'll try it now, here. this is what i dreamed about last night, put into a bit more detail.

Btw, this is sort of jump start to the more interesting part of the dream, just so you know. in the dream i lived a whole days worth of events... i'll skip to the night scene. I won't capitalize any I's, it'll take too long and i have stuff planned for today... also, for some reason, by name is Logan in the dream.

As i sat waiting at my desk, twiddeling my thumbs, i thought about the events of the day. Thinking that what William said to me was what gave my braint eh most havic. What had he meant by 'Don't get too far ahead but don't live in the past? True that William was wiser than anyone that i knew, i trusted his intuition and thought of it, as he sugested, while a wait for something to happen.
After proping my feet up out of bordum of twisting my thumbs around one another, i heard a soft knock at oneof my three doors to the outside world. Not knowing what it was at first, for i was living in that world of nothingness that we humans so oftenly stare into from time to time, i did nothing. Then it came again, harder this time. It brought me out of my stare into nothing and the coma that had become my thoughts as i got up and walked towards the nearest door. i opened it, and there wasw no one there. i heard the knock again. i closed the door and moved to the next door, this time i got it right.

"Hi, Logan."

It was Maggie. My friend and my class mate, she ahd mentioned something about coming over, but i hadn't a clue she meant today. i was taken by suprise, to say the least.

"Oh, h-hi Maggie. i didn't know you meant today... do you need something?"

Truth be told, i had somthing of a smal crush on her. how wouldn't unless you had a girlfriend or were gay, she was tall, had dark hair, green-blue eyes, and a gentel face that would normally make a person cookie doe just from the sight of it.
I was used to that feeling though, so i only stuttered every now and then.

"No, not especially," she said with a tender smile, "I just thought that if you weren't busy, we could go soemwhere." she smiled and blushed, she never blushed. naturally, this made me blush too which caused her to giggle some more. why do girls have to giggle when they're nervous about something? it's just so... different from what guys do. well, what ever thier reason whether it be to embaress us, or just out of habbit, it worked.

"Well, i- i guess i'm free for a while. where were you planning on going?"
She looked at me strightin the eye, i can't stand when people do that, it's like they're looking insid eof you.

"Well, there's this hot new place over on Crenshid Boullivard. we could go there."

"Okay, l-let me get my jacket." I ran back inside to find my white hoodie. i could hear her giggleing, again. this only made me more nervous and i took longer than i should have getting the jacket. Silly me. When i did finally get my jacket on, and i was headed to the right door for once, i saw it. The ring that my mother had left me. I stopped and looked at it for a moment.
You can draw up your own conclusions, but for some reason, i felt that i would need this very ring on this particular night. So i grabbed it and headed towards the door.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked innocently enough."

"Yes, I'm ready." i looked up at here, face cooking into a cookie.

"Alright, lets go." she walke dout and headed towards a car, her car. she had brought it. a classic indigo and black firbird, i liked her taste in cars. She got in on the drivers side, and i got in the pasengers seat. she looked at me, smiled, and started the engine. With an almost silent hum , the car came to life. She practicully floored it though and a was pushed back against the seat. She laughed that high pitshed laugh of hers that didn't seem to belong, i didn't mind. She was taking me to dance and party for the night, that was enough for me.

At about eleven thirty, judgeing by the time on the cars clock shich had to be a few minutes behind, we arived at Crinshid Boullivard. a neon sign out front of one of the buildings read, 'The Coco Bongo'. What a corny name.

"This it?" i asked her, getting out of the car.

"Yup, come on, we need to get inside. i was here earlyer when i thought to invite you, the inside is awesome."
Huh, what a let-me-down. she was here first then she thought of me, oh well. She thought of me was good enough for now.
We walked in and the chill of the night almost imeadeatly went away, it was warm in here. as we went to put our jackets up, i looked at a near by thermometer with the tempratue. it said it was 85 degrees in here. 'wow,' i thought at the time, 'there must be a lot of people dancing in here...'
We put our coats up and went into the dance floor. the place was packed, there had to be at least eighty people i nthe same room, just on the first floor. There were three balcony floors in all, Neon lights flashed here and there as people Moshed to a Disturbed song. The song changes, and Maggie squealed. I jumped in surprise as she said, "I love this song! let's dance!"
She grabbed my hand, she was soft to the touch. The song was Hold TheLine by Toto. I had heard the song seldomely, but i liked her enough not to refuse to dance. She lead, she was good at danceing. i wasn't so much. but i did my best to mimic her, failing as one may imagine. she giggled and started danceing a new way. i folowed, this dance was easier for me. some people next to us saw us dance, said, "Awesome dance dudes," and started doing the same. soon after, many people were dancing to this rytemic dance, Maggie and I in the lead. The floors above cheered, and join in the dance. It's amazing what something popular can do to people isn't it?

The song ends and everyone cheers us on as we go to sit down at a nearby table. Everyone else went back to danceing. we were virtually alone in this noisey new world of ours, there was no real music, there were no real people. just Marionettes operating by strings pulled by invisible hands.

"I'm really tired now," said Maggie. I noticed that she wore a ring on her left middel finger.

"What's that for?" i asked.

"Huh? oh, my ring? well, i got it from my dad way back when, I can't remeber why, but he said never to take it off. i suppose that it's for a keep sake i suppose."
That's when my pocket started to feel very heavy as i remebered the ring that i grabbed just to be safe. i pulled it out then, and looked at it under the table. Then i got an idea, one that i normally wouldn't have done, but at that point in time, i wasn't quite thinking straight and i did have a crush on her so, i went with my feeling.

"Maggie."
"Yeah, logan?"
"I want you to have this" I showed her the singal diamond encrested ring that was the only heir loom i had of my mother.
"Oh, it's beautiful. but why would you want me to have it?" asked Maggie
"A beautiful ring for a beautiful girl."
"Youre really sweet, you know that?" she reached over and took my hand in hers. Were a little less mature, i probably would have pee'd my pants, but i didn't, so that was a good sign. I'm not sure if it was either exhaustion, or exstacy, or even out of confused fatigue, but She leaned over the table and gave me one kiss, just one, but it lasted forever in my mind.

Haha you're the romantic type huh lol? when you grabbed the ring I thought about that, but then when you said you can draw your own conclusions, it made me rethink it, and made me start to think that the story would end up going into the fantasy realm

I like that, it steals you away by suggesting a twist, when really no twist is in the story, making that very sentence a twist in itself, sneaky...
Your style of writing is very interesting, you can tell by it that you do poetry, it's sort of a nice gentle style, but it's very straightforward, putting yourself perfectly into the character's shoes, getting in touch with the personality(even though it's you, you could probably do it with other characters as well). the words you use, they show that which is the potential of a fine writer/poet, one who could probably get quite a few poems published, my guess is that you do poetry, because you have amazing skill in both writing and poetry, but I believe that one, you probably like poetry more, and two, writing takes so long and you have to stick with one topic for so long, with poetry, you can fit the topic into a small grouping of words, with the same powerful effect as a large story, even more actually... anyways I'm straying off into deciphering whether you write or do poetry more, I gotta say, your style also includes that of a teenager, you see things differently from adults, you have more ideas, they come easier, you still have a lot more space to think, you aren't afraid to mix casual teenager writing with the intelligent classical style that you use mostly, it's a good interesting mix.
The One thing I wanna say though, the starting paragraph, the hook doesn't suit the writing, it's kind of weak compared to the rest of your writing, it still hooks people in, but seeing the writing after it, one thinks "He could do such a better hook then that"
Although truth betold, you probably want someone older to look at your work, I am analytical, but I'm only 15, no offense to old people, but they are so much better at giving criticism then teenagers are...

Oh and honestly, maybe we should try and get more people to come to this thread and write a bit... I mean, it's nice that we're both pretty good at writing for our ages, but we need older people to brutally criticize us and tell us what we are missing that both of us are not seeing, and we need more people, so we see more variety in writing

Plus, the more people there are, the bigger the chance of getting inspiration for a new story or poem or even just a small idea to work out an old 'dead' story

*cough* I'd brutally criticize you, except I'm not sure if I'm older than you haha...

Yeah I might join this thread, undecided right now, just thought i'd let you know that :)

Please do, as brutal as you can get :P I want it
(God that sounds so wrong... X__X)

Edit: Criticize it please, both of mine, don't crit his unless he wants you to

:D

wow.... that has to be some of the best comments that i've ever received about my writing... but then again, i don't share too much. I did try to make so that you were very interacted with the characters when i write, it's just how i do, you know?

Selena, if you still reading, plz join this thread, i encourage any one that wants to join to do so. writing brings out the best in people, depending on the subject.

Here, i had another dream the other day, this time it goes a bit abstract you you.

Your standing on a stain glass pedistal, the wind is blowing, yet there is no sky. your hair is wet as though you just jumped into a pool, yet there is no rain that you could feel. the blackness engulfs you, making your feeling of nothingness complete. when you open your eyes, you can see five things. you see the stars, all the different colors of neon. you can see the stain glass tower on which you stand, mostly sky blue, with a picture of a heart felled with ink. you can see your reflection in the inky darkness, you look tired. you can see that the stars change colors ever few seconds, random colors that you think of in this world of nightly neon. and you see Him.

He stands just outside of the inky reflection that you have come to know as you. HE wears nothing, yet he wears everything. a mixture of fabric and air, silk and gravity. His hood is up, right above all of the hats that he wears. His face is the same color of ash. his eyes, flame. his hands are ice as his body and feet ar earth. he has no legs, he has no need for them Behind him stands the pinwheel of time from which he can decide whether or not you desend to heaven, hell, the in between, or if it is you true time.

You stare at those unblinking eyes of fire and water. he stares back. for a reason only known to you, you raise your hand. it's not threatening, its not pleading. its just a raise of your wrist. HE raises his hand in response. after a few moments of this, he speaks.

"It rains and it poors when you're out on your own. if I crash on your floor can i sleep in my clothes? there's a place in the dark where the animals go," he points his hand towards the east, you hand folows as though attached to a string. "You can take off your skin in the canibal glow. Juliet loves a bee and the lust he commands. Drop the dagger and wash off the blood on your hands."

You look at your hands to see that they were covered in blood. he continued as though nothing had happened.

"Why don't you blow me a kiss as you go...?"

suddednly the platform that had seemd so sturdy earlyer shatteres and your body is pulled regidly upright, you hands at your side and your head staring up into infinaty. He appears before you now, annd smiles.

"Give me a shot to remeber, and I'll take a way all of your pain..."

You flip over backwards and dive bomb down into the nothing ness, but it dosn't stay that way for long. you fall through light, you fall through black. you fall through all of the the colored of the rain bow, the neon rainbow, the negative rain bow, and the ones in between. you fall throuigh worlds of worlds of model worlds, like prepetutal camera you recrod it all to memoery, knowing that some how you'd never come back to this spots. There's sound, but nothing you can recognize. it's just noise. a million voices talking all at once. a hundred thousand heart beats. a billion breaths taken at the same time...

you finally slow down enough that you stop. with the blood still flowing to your head and your vision starting to get blurred and fuzzy, you flip you self over and stand in a puddel of paint; i suppose these things happen...

The world you have entered is pain, it is suffering, it the form of paint. the most violent clashes of colors are around you every where, accept for a tree.

no, not just a tree. the tree.

the tree was the color of everything and nothing, it was glass and sand. you walk over to it, and lean against the trunk, watching as new colors are born from the negatives at your feet.




I swear i'm not an crack or anything else, i just dream these things. i usually have a dream to folow the first in a couple of days, tell me what you think. if it's wierd enough, i may change my dreams into a short story.

Ummmm, you guys are really good, dang o.o

OKAY!! Well, on the first one by Mr. Devious Phenomenon (lol) there's an error in the sentence 'No there's something else...'

It should be 'No, there's something else...'

Yeah, I have a real eye for the small things ^^

I try to change mine into short stories, most of the time they don't change well...

When HE was talking, what did it means(I'm not very religious, so I don't understand any of the possible illusions in it X__X)

No offense, but your dreams scare me almost as much as mine...

I have one that is really easy to write that I remember very vividly, the reason I remember is because the style you use is similar to how it is...

When I finished it, and then read it, I don't even remember writing it, it surprised me how this is written, kinda over complicated and unusual...

Your eyes open slowly adjusting to the sudden light around you. Nothing can be heard even though lots of commotion goes on all around you. And yet, that small humming noise blocks everything else out, why does such a quiet gentle noise block out the sounds around you? You look down and suddenly you realize that your eyesight is stange... everything seems to be blue, no, it's as if you are stuck behind water no matter where you turn... Everything in that depressing monochrome of blue... you try to close your eyes and make it go away, but it bleeds through your eyelids, you can still see everything... You realize that you appear to be on a bridge, and judging the clothing style and architecture, perhaps London? You try and reach up to rub the color from your eyes, but you have no body, you are not there, you do not exist... and yet, here you are, breathing, thinking, seeing... what is this? You watch in fascination as people walk past you and through you, failing to notice anything. A lady's purse is snatched, but nobody moves to help her... A woman's young daughter is pulled down an alley way, and yet even then perfect apathy... not even the mother notices her missing daughter. You stare now in fascination and yet total disgust, everything in this scene makes you full of hate, and yet everything in it draws you back to it, the image playing over and over again in your mind... Why? why do they play back, do you enjoy them? do they fascinate you like the curious young creature you are, still naive of the world. Maybe your dead, maybe your dead and here because this is the most evil desire you've had... but that can't be right, surely there must be something more evil then this? Is this even evil... what is this?

Dude, that is just WRONG!!!! Oh, and one of your sentences isn't capitalized. :P

Haha, don't talk to me talk to who wrote it(I wrote it, but I don't remember writing it, so nobody wrote it XD)

Also, good job picking out the comma thing :P you're good at the grammar search thing lol

:o

I'll be posting some kind of story in a second, so be patient bahahaha...


Oh and thank yer :)

.

I unfortunately am out of short stories... I'll start turning my dreams into short stories and stuff... but that's all I got... All my other stuff is incomplete and ongoing

wait... I do have 3 more, but one is a short introduction to a plot I'm going to write, but it fairs as a short story, and another is a description of a zombie... oh and the other isa description of a hound of hell
I'll post them later...

Okay, yeah, you really do make REALLY long replies -.-

I'm in a writing mood not my fault :D
I'll go find the stories real quick...

:O

Here they are:
The Swarm
The candle flickered violently and then disappeared in a wisp of smoke, darkness crept over, blanketing the little vision the explorer had… the ticking and clicking began again, and that terrible screaming, oh, what a gruesome noise… It took the explorer a few precious seconds to realize he was the one screaming as the shiny black crawls covered him, digging into his flesh and drinking the precious fluids that gave him life. They’d find him a good month from now; bloated with the eggs of these crawling creatures… a look of bitter agony will be set on his face like stone. They won’t know what hit them when these insects hatch and do to them what their parents did to the poor explorer. There is no escape. The Swarm has begun…

Hound of Hell
The hound of hell stood before them. Saliva stronger then any acid, colored thick with the blood of thousands of tortured souls dripped from its grotesque deformed mouth. Row after row of razor sharp fangs were embedded in the roof of its mouth shone with a sinister gleam of death. Its bloodshot eyes burned with intensity for murder. Its larger muscular body swayed to and fro in a mesmerizing movement. Its nostrils flared as it scented for blood, for prey, for anything to kill. Its thick veins pulsed like wet noodles, throbbing and moving in irregular patterns, as if it had worms moving throughout its body. Its muscles shook and clenched with no apparent self control its eyes darted throughout the room, reading for movement or a source of heat. Its breath came out in raspy short breaths, filling the air with a noxious pink mist that smelled horrible. Its throat and its spine were covered in flames that never seemed to go out. They constantly burned the regenerative skin, creating the constant smell of burning flesh. Its black claws dug into the ground and its body, black from soot, began to move…

Zombie
The creature had a clot of blood and dirt on the side of its head. Upon closer observation, it was obvious that at one point it had been human though that was a long time ago. Its eyes hung there as if nothing stood behind those glossy balls. It had a slumped posture and it moved sluggishly. Flaps of skin hung from its cheek and forehead revealing decaying flesh dripping with maggots. Bullet holes were throughout its torso but still it moved as if nothing had been done to it, nothing could stop it. Its bones creaked and snapped under the movements and yet it continued to move, the broken limbs causing no hindrance in movement whatsoever. Its black stare follows any movements it finds and it lets out loud suffering hungry noises. It was a zombie…

O.O! You're really good at horror stories. That's the genre I'd like to be when I become an author. Becoming an author is my personal ambition :D

My personal ambition as of now is to be an artist and an author, I don't have motivation in anything else, so those are really my two shots

Ha :P I get horror writing skills from my mom, she's a genius for short stories, all a page at most, over 500, all like twice as good as me :D they are so cool to read (Mine are original, I don't copy hers if you're wondering)

But, when I get into it I can write any genre I feel like though not as well, but Horror I can ALWAYS do, others only kinda... 'turn on' randomly...

That sounded just the teensiest bit wrong o.O

But yeah, I'm normally good at making horror stories, I wrote one once about an engaged girl whose husband-to-be tries to kill her... Maybe I'll post that on here :)

please do, that would be interesting to read

I'll post it as soon as I can find it

holy crap you guys write a lot when i'm gone.... yes, you should post somethign soon!

i'ma post a poem today. i wrote it today, so if it sucks its because i've no time to edit it...

ANIMAL

There's a ploace in the dark where the animals go,
you can take off you skin in the canibal glow,
tie it tight, nice and neat, in a beautiful bow.
Run, baby, run
from the animal named me.
so why don't you blow me a kiss before i go?
There's a place in the dark where the animals go,
Grow your nails, get some fangs, let the fur overgorw,
Bite an arm, cut a leg, let the blood freely flow.
Run, baby, run
from the animal called me?
so why don't you blow me a kiss before you go?
There's a place in the dark where we animals go,
Rip the skin from the seam, let the hate overflow,
Kill the switch, let us live, run away like you know.
Run, baby, run
From the animal that's me
Why won't you blow me a kiss before i go?

I don't know, I like it, a little edgy, it might need a bit of trimming here and there(editing) but it's fine...
Spelling(In order to nicen it up a bit): you put Ploace instead of place, canibal has two 'n's (Cannibal) you put you instead of your(Before Cannibal) Overgorw is overgrow

i know, i didn't have much time to really edit it.

here's another.

I AM NOT ALONe

Something so familiar,
So overwhelmingly here.
This, one that I call my own now.
Why do I hold me?
Why?
We barly remeber,
Who or what came before this precious moment.
Choosing to be here,
Right now,
Hold on, stay inside of this.
This body, this body holding me,
Reminds me that I am not alone
This body, makes me feel,
Eternal all this pain is an illusion.

I was blanking for a day, couldn't draw or write, or anything, so I made this Haiku :P
In my head, Nothing
No thoughts, no ideas, nothing
Just absolutely… Nothing

So blatantly simple that it can't be good or bad XD I love Haiku's cuz they are a bitch to judge

This one I made a few months ago (Not a Haiku) I'm not sure where the idea came from, I guess maybe I was in a analytical mood... it's just called 'Children' for now, it has not real rhyme scheme, in fact, most of them just happen to semi rhyme X__X:
We are just children in our own way
We play around and experiment with things
Do we really have any idea what we’re doing?
Do we know what might happen
Then again who does?
We all just flow through life
We never stop to wonder why
We don’t really expect much of it
We’ll eventually settle down
Then we won’t bother looking around
Exploring, experimenting, just like children
Then again, it’s a lot, too much, to take in

:D Nobody's on cause I ditched school (again) but I found that story :D

PS: It has no real ending, the end is right about where the block hit =-=
It's in 3rd-person perspective :)

Alicia walked through the dark street, peering over her shoulder every few minutes. She felt edgy, anxious to get home. She turned on to a better lit road, rummaging through her purse for her cell phone. She continued walking past the dark shops, a few of which had glass windows, until she realized she wasn't the only one there. She looked up and saw two men standing at the bus stop sign. It looked almost as if they were waiting for a bus, but it was far too late for one to come, and Alicia could tell they were drunk by the way they were talking.


Suddenly, one of the men burst out with "Alicia! Why are you out so late?" Alicia recognized her soon-to-be husband, Jason Smith, as the one who'd shouted. Alicia answered quietly, "At my sister's house. But why are you out so late, getting drunk with your friends?" she asked. The second man scowled, but Jason grinned stupidly and said, "Now, why do you have to go and act like that?" He put his hand into his pocket and withdrew a gun...

The next thing Alicia knew, she was bleeding on the ground, facing one of the shops with the glass front. She watched as someone moved past their window, and then doubled back in horror as they saw her. She watched as they called 911, and then she blacked out..

-8 hours later-

Alicia awoke in a hospital bed, watching a nurse filling out her chart. As the nurse looked up, Alicia asked, "Excuse me, but when will I be able to leave?" The nurse smiled gently and said, "Lucky for you, the bullet didn't go very deep, and so we got it out and you safely medicated just in time. You'll be able to leave in a few days." The nurse smiled again, and then went back to filling out her chart.


See, this is where I ran out of ideas. I hate getting writer's block :(

I wrote two poems today.

Something that Lays and Decays
Within me, there is something,
It brns, it yearns, for something,
Seeking, never stopping, something.
Deep within it lies,
Sealed under chains, it lays,
One place, but no place.
I can feel the decay,
Everyday, it only decays,
It heals, yet it decays.
What is that something?
That is only to lay,
And only decay?

Place of Death
He awakens in an unfamiliar place,
He looks around, it is dark.
The darkness doesn't end,
nor does it start.
A chill creeps over him,
he whips around, only to see,
what cannot be seen.
Another chill creeps across him,
He turns again, only to hear,
what cannot be heard.
A third chill creeps up,
He turns again, only to scream,
what cannot be voiced.
A fourth chill creeps around,
He turns once more, only to taste,
what cannot be tasted.
A ffth chill creeps,
He looks all around, only to feel,
what cannot be felt.
His eyes close, only to open,
to a new place, a place of light.
Yet a shadowy figure stands over him.
It Is DEATH.

wow, you two above Gaara are really good, wether or not you realize it.
you're right, deveous, you can't really judge haikus, but the syllable counting goes, 5,7,5. not 5,8,7. its somethign or a rule, just so you know.

heres a haiku i wrote

Worker bees must stay
but drones can fly away free
We are the queens slaves

Gaara... wow you are almost as emo as i am, i just don't show it like you do :)
i love dark poems like what you wrote, they thrive in my soul and feed my anguished dusty heart. I LOVE THEM!

here' a darker poem that i wrote...

BLOOD STAINED PAINT

Once again there is pain
There is rain
I've no home
The world I roam
My white rooms my sanctuary
There are no adversaries
I've the gun and the fun
Of crying my tears to the sun
Put the gun to my head
Truth or dare, I'll be dead
Join me now, in carpe' diam
Join the dead, and you shall see 'em
Pull the trigger, don't be shy
I'll put mine inside my eye
We'll paint the world with red
Let's fix up our perminate beds
We'll paint the world in our bloody paint
We'll draw a picture of our canibal saint.

Nah not 5,7,8, I accidently did 5, 7, 7, I know it's supposed to be 5,7,5

As you can tell, nothing was literally going through my mind(Lol), I wonder why I did that...

idk, sometimes you jsut do. there's no real precess... kind of like when we stare off into space and think of nothing, you know?

I just finished the shortest prologue I've ever made that I liked, to probably one of the longest books I plan on writing(It's really only long cuz it's a series of 4+ books :D)

post it, devious. if you're on rightnow, i really want to read something, so post it.

I'll Send it to you via PM, I don't want many people to see it, as I plan on trying to get it published...

It's only 4 pages, and it's just the prologue too, but still... Anyways, Yes I know it's a vampire book,

it sucks for me, cuz I had this idea 2 years ago and only got the motivation to start planing it a few months ago, and what a surprise, TWILIGHT is brought to life X__X

Anyways, PMing it to you

a fox as the main character... well, i've read things about a fox being a MAIN character, but not THE MAIN character... i like how you describe things, very detailed, very open but not too detailed like what stephen king dose (he took eight pages to describe a boat in IT ! that is way too much!) i hope that you join and post regularly, you have the talent, that much is certain.

hope to hear from you soon.

We're getting quite a few writers here aren't we... It's still to bad none of the older members plan on using this thread... it's coming along nicely, everyone here is damn good at writing, we all have something in common with eachother's writing, but it's all totally different too...
That kinda seems wierd how we all seem to have the same style, just more generally directed in more areas...

Haha William, reading Warriors, paired with being an animal lover... and, no offense Ash, but I'm willing to bet you've pretended to be a cat or fox or dog at least once, does wonders to your ability to write as an animal... Just look at Ash :P she's great at it
I haven't read IT yet, but god! Eight pages!?

Great insight into insanity, it's simple enough for the sane to understand(Almost... not really... sane people are too closed minded...)

oh my.... a god.... i'm sorry, i read what you wrote and don't get me wrong, it was impressive, but from the first line, "what is insanity?" i have to write somthing back to answer that question, you accidently stumbled on to my favorite subject!

I'll give you a thought about insanity, the only question is will you go insane?
Insanity is the mind. it dosn't have to be politically "insane" as the government calls it, it just has to be. the mind is an endless abyss of time, thought, matter, gods and demons, sand, and destruction. Imagine the most precious thing in the world, a butterfly made of saphire if you will, so gentle... so precious... and one day it starts to bleed. it bleeds until it's colors fade... it bleeds until the saphire turns back to stone, it bleeds until there is no blood, only tears, and the whole world greaves. This is one form of insanity, despair.
Despair, Agony, and Hatred are the three forms of true insanity, the three things that cause the person to go insane. we will explore this things, as i have already started, let your mind open and be read to bleed tears of sadness.

AGONY
the most painful, and the most beautiful. for in pain, there is numbness and in numbness, there is insanity, the quite escape from all that dose not matter and one giant skip to that which dose. let's start with an example and end with that example:
Agony, as you all should know, is the worst from of pain that there is. but what is this pain of which people speak? insanity.


I'm sorry, i'll have to complete this later, i'm a little too busy at the moment... i'll post back in a second or so...

I wrote a bit about insanity a little ways back... I suffer from Agonizing Insanity under the Intelligent genre... By yours Will
Generally, most artists, poets and writers do fall under this part, although not always as far as others...
If I had to describes my insanity... I think it would best be represented(In terms that a SANE person could understand) as a mannequin covered in many masks, mask after mask after mask, with cracks all throughout it, not only that, but the questions of why will be carved all over it... out of these carvings will ooze a fluid, not blood, no, when I imagine it, I generally see purple fluids with black and silver specks throughout it... The eyes cry tears of blood, yet the many masks cover these eyes, smearing the blood to a pinkish complexion. The eyes are glass, with no shine, long ago they lost their shine, they are fake, when placing your body against the mannequin, pulsations can be felt occassionally, showing that something deep inside it lives, but barely...Heavy weight chains will hand from it's arms, and it will stand in a crucified look... The mannequin itself is actually made after molt after molt, shell after shell in order to create a thick mannequin... A Hollowed out center, just below the chest, in the abdominal area, where the stomach is, will be just a hole... Nothing with come out of it though

That's what a SANE person could understand(given a few hundred years)


Heres the old writing: In it, I defend insanity as an advantage, as what it really is, without suppression at least...

I’m insane. I am perfectly capable of comprehending that. Anyone that knows me has a good idea of just how insane I am. There are two types of insane which each branch out into many others in my opinion. There’s the one’s dumb enough to get put in crazy houses and strait jackets, though that’s not really fair, some of them are captured, or some are just mentally disabled. But I’ll assure you that not all insanity is a disability. I am perfectly capable of acting like a sane person, or what one might call sane. But I don’t, why? It’s more fun to be insane. I am the kind of insane that doesn’t get caught, I keep the thoughts to myself that I know will throw me in a crazy house. I write, I draw, I read, I write poetry. You know what? I like insane more then sane, it allows me to see things in totally different ways. I don’t have a clear mind, nothing is set in stone, anything can change at any given moment, there is no set law that dictates me, technically I should’ve killed myself a long time ago, but I haven’t. I don’t see what the problem is with insanity. Or what some people might call open mindedness… fantasy to cope with the reality that is our world. This cruel world in which we hold ourselves up to be the perfect being, when in fact we are very, very, very, very far from perfect. People believe in god, whom has sent his word through people into books which have been translated to and from many languages many times, and yet, ghosts, spirits and souls of our relatives left behind, contacting us, is utterly impossible? What the hell is wrong with that? I don’t get it at all… How can vampires not exist? One who drinks blood? Disorder, Addiction, Cult. Whatever. It’s 100% possible. Fangs? Transplants. Pale Skin? No Sunlight, they hide in the dark. Undead? Well they sure look it huh? Ever think they’re just overly pale?

indeed, that is what a sane person would say. but i believe that personally i lost my mind long ago *eye rolls in socket* but, who can really stop that from happening eventually? right? anyways, i digress...

I Will Burn My Dread

The light dems
Life goes, leaving me dead
Walk among the shadows,
All to burn my dread
The dead can't talk
But the arn't really dead
Thier heart bay stop,
But they've burnt their dread
When will I burn?
When will the fire reach my head?
Why must a suffer so?
All to burn my dread
It's done, i'm burnt
And i've been left for dead
I can leave now in peace
I have burnt my dread