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Here is the starting to one of my stories

Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:27 -
It is a different story besides Ikimono, it is Day of The Fox... anyways, Tell me what you think, yes, do grade harshly, I want to make this thing good... (Btw, this is maybe a TINY bit of the first chapter, the first chapter is like a week long, and this only covers from 5:00 in the morning till about 7:30)

Day
Of
The Fox

Part I:
Dog Days
ļæ¼Chapter 1: Welcome To My Life
Dear Diary,
My name is Sora Asagura, I am 14 and I finally get to go to

high school. I have long, brown hair for a guy and hazel colored

eyes. Iā€™ve always been the shy one, I never really got to know

anybody in middle school, so I am planning on doing better this year.

My high school years will be at Foxhill High School and I am going

to be put into the IB program there, however I have no real interest

in school, I have always wished there was some other world, some

different life. My mom told me I should probably keep a diary from

now on so that I can keep track of events at school, but I just want

to put fantasies down, different worlds full of new stuff. Speaking

of momā€¦ I have to go for now Diary, my mom is telling me I need to go

to bedā€¦ Nightā€¦
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sora lifted his head off of his pillow, his hazel eyes

focusing slowly. The alarm clock was blaring and Sora sleepily lifted

his hand and hit the snooze button and closed his eyes. Five minutes

passed. The alarm went off a second time and he groaned and got up

and turned off the radio, this took him a minute because he was

still too tired. ā€œFive ā€˜oā€™clockā€¦ What the hellā€¦ Whoever decided high

school should open this early needs to go dieā€¦ or get a lifeā€¦ā€ Sora

groaned and finally stood up and looked at his new room. A fan

rapidly whirred above him making a low relaxing humming noise, a pair

of musashiā€™s with black sheathes lay on a stand on his dresser. A

bass guitar, a flute and an orcarina were hidden in the closet. His

desktop was scattered with used sheets of paper, some stories, some

drawings. The blue carpet felt good under his toes. He shook his head

and then sighed. ā€œSummer vacation is already overā€¦ that stinksā€¦ā€ Sora

recalled the Summer break. It hadnā€™t been all that fun. His dad had

been busy on some top secret assignment and his mom was too busy at

the animal shelter to keep him company. He had called his friends,

however they were already having fun in Hawaii, Florida or Las Vegas.

He was stuck here, in North Carolina, doing the only thing he could

do with no one else around. Draw, write, eat and sleep. That had been

his day for the whole summer vacation. So much for a summer to brag

about. With that he lazily moved towards his dresser and picked out

some clothing. A dark grey undershirt, a blue and black dragon shirt,

a pair of white cargo pants with a few tears in the left knee, and

some black Nike shoes. ā€œI guess Iā€™ll have to make a good impression

since itā€™s high school nowā€¦ā€ Sora stared at the clock and watched it

click by to 5:30 and finally walked out of his room and headed for

the bathroom.

The water was very relaxing to his artistic body. He wasnā€™t

built for football like all the other guys he knew were. He played

soccer, he swam and he played basketball. He let out a shy smile in

the mirror and dressed himself and then slowly brushed his dark brown

hair. It was somewhat long and had a light brown sheen to it. Sora

turned out of the bathroom and walked down the hallway and side

flipped down the stairs. He had only recently learned how to flip,

although he was getting better each day. What his agile body lacked

in physical strength it made up for in flexibility and physical

prowess. As he walked down he realized it had been longer then he had

thought and the bus would be there any minute, so he grabbed a cherry

Pop-Tart and dashed out the door with it in his mouth. With his lunch

in one hand and his book bag in the other he dashed up to the bus

stop and slowed down as he reached it. A black kid around the age of

17 slowly walked up to him, when Sora didnā€™t back off like most did

to the large muscular man, he smiled and gestured his hand for a

shake.

ā€œWhazā€™up white boi? I kin tell we gunna get along jusā€™ great,

I am Daren, but call me Dare.ā€ He smiled, showing no hostile signs

like most of the kids that looked like him did. Sora smiled, the kid

looked just like a thug to him, however he obviously didnā€™t have the

thug personality. Sora returned the shake.

ā€œNice to meet you Dare, so which school do you go to?ā€ Sora

said calmly, shoving his hands in his pockets and standing next to

Dare, waiting for the bus. Dare laughed.

ā€œWell, I go to Falling Grounds, but I ainā€™t ever hardly

there, just donā€™t feel like itā€¦ yaā€™know? But my pops told me that I

had to come todayā€¦ā€ Dare muttered, obviously he was not all that into

school.

ā€œWell Iā€™m going to Foxhill, so, whatā€™s it like at Foxhill?ā€

Sora asked while staring at another kid headed up the street. He was

Hispanic and had his hair slicked back, he had a rather small beard

and large side burns, resembling the werewolves in the horror movies,

he wore a black leather jacket with a dirty white T-shirt underneath

and black pants. When he walked up he stopped and nodded towards

Sora. Dare didnā€™t answer and gazed in the same direction as Sora, a

smile slapped onto his face.

ā€œNew kid huh? I see youā€™ve met Dare, Iā€™m one of his friends,

Marcus, call me Marksmanā€¦ or Markā€ His voice even sounded like a

growl thought Sora. He walked over and gestured the same shake that

Dare had done. Sora met the shake.

ā€œSo, why are you both nicknamed those?ā€ Sora asked calmly,

still un-phased by the fact that both of the kids were bigger and

stronger.
ā€œIā€™m known as Marksmen cause of thisā€ Mark pulled out a gun

and fired three bullets, each hitting the street lamp directly in the

middle. ā€œ7 year winner of the Bird Huntā€ Mark pocketed the gun

calmly. Sora appeared a little shocked from him pulling out a gun.

ā€œIā€™m known as Dare cuz my friends dared me to jump off a

building for 3 bucks and of course, I did. Iā€™ve taken every dare

since then.ā€ Dare pounded his chest once. A bus headed down the

street and stopped a few feet away and Dare and Mark both stepped

on. ā€œUntil we meet again kidā€¦ā€ Dare said as he passed through the bus

doors. Mark stared at Sora for a moment and then slowly walked on.

ā€œThe nameā€™s Sora Asaguraā€¦ā€ Sora muttered under his breath.

Suddenly he heard a shuffling sound coming from behind him and he

spun around to see a young girl about his age with blond hair and

bright blue eyes. ā€œOh, hey Maiaā€ Sora smiled happily, finally seeing

an old face. ā€œSo are you going to Foxhill?ā€

ā€œYeah! I canā€™t wait to meet new people there, of courseā€¦ I

like my old friends moreā€ She happily poked his forehead and then

looked up the street. ā€œSo who were those kids? Iā€™ve never seen them

beforeā€¦ā€
ā€œOh, just a few guys that go to Falling Groundsā€¦ā€ Sora

muttered quietly.

ā€œIsnā€™t Falling Grounds for the bad kids?ā€ Maia quickly spoke

loudly.

Sora rubbed his ear from the noise and finally

answered, ā€œItā€™s more that they are misunderstood Maiaā€¦ Not all people

that go there are badā€¦ of course they are a little messed upā€¦ā€ Sora

went on slowly as he recalled Mark.

Just then a few more people finally showed up. A tall Asian

kid that looked kind of like Jackie Chan, and what appeared to be his

girlfriend, a much shorter girl with short black hair. There was

what looked like an emo kid, he had all black clothing on and long

purple hair, apparently, the purple haired shy girl behind him was

his sister. Finally a red headed girl with a tomboyish hair style

walked up. The first to speak up was the Jackie Chan look-a-like. He

wore a white T shirt and black pants.

ā€œI am Sai Rasugi, I like Japanese food and I do Tai Chiā€ He

spoke calmly and boldly. The second to talk was the girl next to him,

dressed in tight blue short shorts and a black shirt with a big pink

heart on it, she was chewing gum.

ā€œI am Soia Ryuuga, I take Tai Chi as well, we are datingā€ She

said happily, hugging Saiā€™s arm. The redheaded tomboy moved out of

the crowd happily. She wore a white zip-up hoodie all the way

unzipped revealing net clothing, she also wore a mini skirt and

leggings.

ā€œThe nameā€™s Haru Mikazachi! I like everything! ā€¦and I take

kickboxing because I get hyper easily and my mom says it keeps me

calmerā€ She boisterously spoke. The shy girl spoke slowly from close
to her brother.

ā€œI am Miyu Mazashi. This is my brother Karasu Mazashi, I draw

and he writes poetry, he also plays with chain weapons sometimesā€¦ā€

She quickly ducked back behind her brother who shrugged and remained

silent. Maia stepped up next.

ā€œIā€™m Maia! This is my best buddy Sora, he draws and uses

pistols and musashis. I work for his mother as a vet-in-training!ā€

Maia said happily. With that the bus came and the group of kids got

on the bus to head to Foxhill High.

The whole bus ride had been lousy. The bus drive was a jerk

and the kids were to loud. Sora couldnā€™t get any sleep. Worse, he had

to listen to Maia babble on about her summer vacation. When they

arrived at school they all pulled out there schedules and went there

separate ways. Maia walked up to Sora and poked him.

ā€œWhat is your schedule? I have geometry, then gym, then

Spanish and then kendo!ā€ Maia happily spoke, her bright blue eyes

dancing with happiness.

ā€œOh greatā€¦ā€ Sora handed the schedule to Maia and she jumped

with glee.

ā€œYou have every class I do!ā€ Maia excitedly spoke and then

hugged him. ā€œYay!ā€

Sora blushed a little and pushed her back a bit ā€œNo touchy

Maiaā€¦ā€ Sora tried to hide his blush by looking pissed.

Maia noticed Sora blushing and poked him ā€œYou know you liked

that Sora! Iā€™ll do it again if you donā€™t admit it!ā€ She looked at him

evilly. Sora sighed as he knew she would do it again if he didnā€™t say

it.

ā€œFineā€¦ your right, I did like itā€¦ just donā€™t do it again

anywaysā€¦ā€ Sora walked off, headed for Geometry and Maia walked faster

to catch up. Today was going to be a long day though Soraā€¦
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ā€œGood morning students, I am Mr. Longā€ A short man with a

receding hairline said monotonously. Sora groaned and let his face

hit his desk. If he had a boring teacher like this in the morning he

was doomed to fall asleep each day.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Diary,

What a waste of time, I hated today, we didnā€™t do anything

but listen to our teachers blabber on about the same rules every

class. I got stuck sitting with Maia in each class. I misplaced my

lunch, and I fell asleep in my first class. I might as well skip

school tomorrow, no use in goingā€¦
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:29 -
Oh, ignore his last journal entry, the part before it isn;t finished lolz
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:30 -
woah it ish sooo long....if you seperated it with pages I'd finish it so much quicker
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:31 -
I'll double space it real quick lolz
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:32 -
thanks dude cause my eyes played tricks on me and I lost my place
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:39 -
done lolz It wouldnt let me doublepspace it so i went in an added spaces...
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:42 -
OK well it's pretty good and I see you put it in third person like arya said ^^
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:46 -
Yes, I put it in 3rd person because 1st person wasn't working out well... I kept wanting to put what I would do and not what Sora would do...
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:47 -
wow yama good story
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:49 -
Thank you Vince and Arya, anything you think should be changed? (remember, I put grade harshly, so if you saw any mistakes, ANY, point them out please)
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:50 -
hmm well not really....you used spell check so there's no spelling or grammatical errors
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 0:57 -
I didn't use spell check... thats why I was asking lolz
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 1:00 -
hmm well there are one or two but meh
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 1:01 -
then point them out please Arya, I gotta make this thing good...
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 1:01 -
You trust her to point them out? No offense arya but unn you're not exactly the best at spelling
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 1:04 -
I don't see anything wrong other than there's a space in kick boxing
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:23 -
Thanks Vince ^^ Now I wait for more opinions...


I'll have more of it done tomorrow ^^
(About a few more pages, I already have most of this book planned out, and the starting I got down yesterday, So I started it really quick to keep the flame going)
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:24 -
lol OK yama seems like a good book to me.
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:24 -
It gets better woot, (You know its not Realistic Fiction right?)
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:25 -
Yama we all know that
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:27 -
I never told Vince lolz XD
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:27 -
Now, why isn't anyone else helping out... -___-'
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 2:27 -
because they are illiterate
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:05 -
Alright seriously... Writer with no self esteem in major need here -__-'

dude seriously... Every essay I've done for my English class was a LOW LOW F(Like a 9%)
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:21 -
dude umm I don't know how to give people self esteem
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:22 -
I'm not asking for self esteem, I'm asking for people to LOOK AT THE FUCKING STARTING GOD DAMN IT!!!

(Not you or Arya, you guys already looked, thank you very much for actually being helpful... unlike 'Them' (Other anime people)
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:44 -
That isn't bad, Yama. Really, you should keep writing (and reading!) because you clearly have substance to your stories and have nothing to lose by refining your writing style. Your descriptions are fluid and your sense of humor is authentic, most notably. Post more chapters if you haven't become discouraged by your responses.
dude seriously... Every essay I've done for my English class was a LOW LOW F(Like a 9%)

Don't worry about that. Do you think Mark Twain would get a passing grade if he submitted an essay consisting of hickspeak to an English teacher this day in age? The fact is English teachers are apointed to their position and some of them can be helpful, but often times they misjudge students of great talent. I should post up an English essay you may or may not enjoy... :P
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:47 -
I Haven't become discourage by YOUR guys responses... the fact that my english teacher my highest grade ever on a Paper was a 33% is the reason why I don't write anymore...
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:50 -
I edited my post and addressed that 'English teacher' issue.
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:54 -
Lolz... Well I did learn to write from my mom, and she owns a writing board online, she had an english major in college and each week she writes some freaking scary horror stories

And yeah, I sorta stopped trusting that teacher entirely, My friend had his dad(Whom teaches COLLEGE level english) Help him make his essay COLLEGE Level and he got a 70 or so...
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 3:55 -
Lolz, One of the things I plan on doing, is, to come in at the end of the year with a floppy disk full of short stories and this story and tell her that this is what i've been doing instead of her homework.

Lolz, it might be mean... but I like getting revenge...
Deleted user
Deleted 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 22 12:36 -
lol it would be sweet revenge though
ANBU Sasaki 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 23 17:15 -
Yama, should I put this in a document and send it to you? It would be better with split-page.

On word it's Times New Roman Font Size 12

9 1/2 pages.
Landon Sullivan 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 23 20:38 -
You used "to" instead of "too".
camron 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 23 20:40 -
hey
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 23 20:59 -
Yeah, I changed that yesterday Itachi, I have edited it a bit since I posted it on here


and what are you talking about Sasaki?
Devious Phenomenon 16 years, 1 month ago at Mar 24 2:24 -
Almost have Chapter 1 finished... just a bit more and then I'll post the full Chapter 1instead of that skimpy thing one would call a picture book story ^^