Heard a Good Joke? Post It Here!

Here's 3 we like:

A chicken and an egg check in to a cheap motel room. Moments later the chicken sits up against the headboard and lights a cigarette. The egg says, "Well, that settles that."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.” The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!” The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!” The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

Three women walk into a bar and sit down. The waitress comes over, takes their order, turns and yells, "...three Buds in the booth..." One looks at the others and says, "Good thing we didn't order Country Club!"

An Army paratropper and a Marine went to the bathroom at the same time. When they were done, the Marine washed his hands; the paratropper just zipped up and left.
Meeting outside the john, the Marine said, "You know, in the Marines they teach us to wash our hands after we go to the john."
The paratrooper responded, "Well, in the Army, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

This is neither the time nor the place.

I love my new stepladder, you see I never knew my real ladder!

Thanks Harry Hill for that one - you see, a joke from a TV Show, we can pull this one back from the brink!

Hm... all I seem to know are Yo Mamma jokes and racism...

Yesterday was a rough day! I stuck my head out the window, and they arrested me for mooning!!

Can you identify this one?

A family of tomatoes are having a walk, the father Tomato, the mother Tomato and the son Tomato. The son Tomato starts getting behind, so father Tomato goes near son Tomato and squashes it! He then says: "Ketchup!"

Fox Force Five!!!

I got up this morning and put on a shirt and a button fell off and then I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

Can you identify this one?

A family of tomatoes are having a walk, the father Tomato, the mother Tomato and the son Tomato. The son Tomato starts getting behind, so father Tomato goes near son Tomato and squashes it! He then says: "Ketchup!"

I really relish a good ketchup joke. Nyuk nyuk.

Here's one:
Lonely woman puts an ad out in the personals. "I want a man who meets the following criteria: you must never leave me, you must never beat me, and you must be great in bed." A few days later, her doorbell rings. Before her is a quadriplegic amputee sitting in his wheelchair. No one else around.
"Can I help you sir?" she asks.
"I'm here in response to your bit in the paper."
"There must be some mistake," she says.
"No, no. No mistake. I meet all of your criteria. I assure you."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, I have no legs, so I can never run away from you. And I have no arms, so I can't possibly hit you."
"Well, how do I know you're good in bed?"
"I rang the doorbell, didn't I sweetheart?"

"How much do you love me?"
"Look at the stars that's how much I love you."
"But, it's morning."
"Exactly"


"I am a ninja."
"No you're not."
"Did you see me do that?
"Do what?"
"Exactly"


Good moms let you lick the beater
Great moms turn it off first (^.^)/