Amityville Death House Reviews

Initial Thought: Why am I continuing to do this to myself? Everything after the remake has been extremely dreadful. The poster here makes it even worse. I'm glad this one is only 75 minutes long.

Characters/Acting: The only person I know here is Eric Roberts who doesn't even actually show his face. I'm pretty sure that says something about this. A lot of the actors are first timers or collaborators of Polonia. Haha I swear some of the acting IS just like a 70s porno. I just couldn't help but laugh at all of these "actors". The sheriff has to be one of the worst I have seen portrayed on film. He doesn't want to look for a missing person and after clearly driving through a ghost he looks around to see if people are okay. Everyone has such delayed and lazy reactions. I mean there is a point where some characters just need to be written better.

Story: Good lord this starts out with one of the most incoherent messes I have seen. The CGI is really awful and kind of unnecessary. The gore/make up looks like something from the 70s made by people who never got it right. Here again we have a film that looks like it was filmed by someone who doesn't know how to work a camera. The sets kind of looks like something from old porn movies. It doesn't look quite as awful as Asylum though. It's even much easier to see what is going on. There are a lot of questionable moments here. The grandma looks awful yet the granddaughter is only worried about how long she has been in bed. Oh man these death scenes are something else. I mean the way they are presented and not the ways in which they are killed. The ending was an insane mess. I don't know why there is a thing such as witch's teats nor why it makes the person look like a human with a line of animal type nipples. That was weird and even weirder how they go about showing them. The spider lady was probably the best thing about this and that isn't saying much. The ending credits looked like the beginning of a bad 90s television show.

Directing/Writing: From the ratings I see of Mark Polonia I shouldn't expect anything worth it. John Oak Dalton has only written one other thing of which I have never heard of. It seems this Polonia guy has no idea what to do with his work. The writing is pretty awful here too. Whenever I finally get my ideas fully fleshed I sure hope I can do better than the crap these guys do.

Final Thought: This was not as bad as the previous one, but it was pretty damn close. I'm just glad that this was so short. There is only so much cheese and bad writing/acting I can take in one movie. This was absolutely ridiculous and nonsensical. Enter at your own risk. I regret seeing this for sure.