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Added by ToonHead2102 on 2 Oct 2012 11:03
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6,006 Leftovers...

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6,006 Rejections...

Movies I had to let go of from my official 6,006 Movies to Experience B4 Death list, to make room for more inspiring cinema. Reasons being are listed below.
REDEEMING FACTORS: This one looked like it was a lot of fun to 'make'. It's not a 'bad' movie per se, it might be kind of satisfying to watch on a Saturday morning or over the holidays when you really wanna get into that 'creep' mood, and are desperate for anything that might put you there.

WHY IT'S HERE: There's a lot of common sins committed in this one. To start things off, how about going for that typically bland PG-13 rating, numbing all the violence and gothic terror. SPOILER ALERT, there's never once a single drop of blood spilled, throughout the film's duration. On top of which, how about casting the world's most well behaved child in the titular role? Hollywood does this all the time, trying to depict children as some sort of angelic subspecies, and that the only way to talk to or communicate with one is to get into that soft, calming lullaby talk, that take it from a former child myself, most kids just find kind of patronizing. Children are monsters, sorry for the newsflash, but it's true, and it would have made more sense to depict Tremblay's character as such, giving the audience both ends of the spectrum to at least give us some arguable evidence to suggest such an innocent angel, would be capable of conceiving such macabre monstrosities through his unconscious.

REDEEMING FACTORS: It's pretty sincere. And I'm glad it garnered Oscar nominations, and a win, for Margot Robbie and Allison Janey ;-D

WHY IT'S HERE: Across the board the whole thing's kind of a mess. There's drastic inconsistency in the 'tone' of the movie, trying to put a Malcolm in the Middle-like sitcomish spin on domestic violence?!? I also hear there's not much for the filmmakers to go on story, or fact-wise, cause all the info is basically based on a series of interviews, that contradict one another, by the film's central characters. The whole thing belongs on the Jerry Springer Show, I say.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I never thought I would be saying this--EVER in my lifetime--but in the long run I think Zach Galifianakis actually SAVES this movie (and Will Farrell actually hurts it), I know right?!! There were a few times where I (assure you) 'unintentionally' laughed. It's not a bad one to watch if it's playing on tv and nothing else is on.

WHY IT'S HERE: I often use this movie as a PRIME example, when I'm arguing my point to somebody, that comedy in Hollywood has declined MISERABLY. And there's nothing much more miserable than post-Anchorman Farrell, or anything Galifianakis does for that matter. Almost every joke in this thing has some kind of derogatory, albeit 'juvenile', innuendo meant to refer to genitals or some kind of sex act. What are we '8-years-old'?!? I honestly don't get why I'm the only one who sees this?...

REDEEMING FACTORS: Critics often criminally underrate the overall appealing screen-presence of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who only seems to gain more intrigue and morbid fascination with each passing year. Arnie does a MASTERFUL job here as a father being forced to face the inevitable. It creates some rather unexpected dramatic tension, felt all throughout the film's duration.

WHY IT'S HERE: It pains me to have to dislike this one so much but in the end, the whole thing was an endurance test, that was PAINFULLY uncomfortable to sit through. Never, do I like to call a movie 'slow' cause I don't generally believe in such a label. However, if ever there was a case for something, THIS movie takes the cake. It's a little too artsy, and poor miss Breslin, really fails across the board to generate an emotional connection with the audience so despite the repressed anguish present on Schwarzenegger's face in most scenes, it's almost impossible to care about this girl's fate one way or the other. In the end, I was just kind of glad there was one, so I could run to the bathroom.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Exquisite performances. Richard Burton looks particularly dashing in the role of 'skinny' Henry VIII.

WHY IT'S HERE: This biop reaches all kinds of levels of creepiness, I grew quite uncomfortable at the degress of history revisionment, trying to portray the story of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn as some kind of 'love stuff'. That makes me completely sick. Henry VIII was a pedophile who bought his wife (aged 14 in real life at the time) like the way people buy shit on Amazon, she was his whore, and intended to be his broodmare. However, the guy couldn't plant his seed. The film tries to portray this as some sort of supernatural curse on the royal family which, to be fair, this engagement was in fact was quite a scandal for the times, and again times being what they were and public knowledge and understanding being plunged into the dark ages, I'm sure something of the supernatural could ONLY be the best possible answer. Today's day and age however, given our knowledge on modern science, it's MUCH MORE highly likely that what Henry VIII REALLY suffered from at the time was a low sperm count. And why wouldn't he, he was great big fat bastard (seriously, have you ever seen a portrait of him?) who never met a turkey leg he couldn't stuff in his mouth. These were the only two things Henry VIII ever did was eat and fuck and given his voracious appetites and the clothing styles of the era it's really no stretch to assume that there wasn't enough blood flow to the groin to be producing a proper sperm count. And for this Henry sent many of his after-wives to their graves, always every time overlooking the quite obvious. Dude should have asked himself, "huh, maybe it's me?"

21

REDEEMING FACTORS: Cut me some slack, it's been a while since I've seen this one. I think the performances are slick and captivating, I really like Jim Sturges, even though he has yet to really impress me. It's actually not that bad an idea, and thus a fairly entertaining movie.

WHY IT'S HERE: It HAD a chance to be something greater than the sum of it's parts. I'm choosing to reject this one cause I hear there's a much more 'accurate' version of this story already on film in the 2004 movie The Last Casino, I'm gonna be on the lookout for that one. So why have an inferior copy? 21 could have been so unconventional and genre-defying, but, in the end the studio it seems wanted a standard, albeit "safe", viewing experience. Audiences could get their cheap thrills, thinking they walk away smarter after it's over. In the end, this film chose to be a pretty standard 'long-con' vehicle, with predictable elements occurring throughout.

REDEEMING FACTORS: It's not as painful to watch as everyone is saying. It's actually kind of a 'hoot', I would watch it again, if it ever came on tv or something... Sort of like a so bad it's good kinda thing.

WHY IT'S HERE: Oh boy did I ever WANT to like this movie more. I honestly don't know what is happening to the DCU or how the folks in charge can continue to fuck it up so bad, time and time again. Didn't anyone ever explain the expression to them, you can't put the same shit in expecting different results? It's clear without needing to know anything about the DCU and it's film franchises, to follow where the logic went wrong on this one. They had such a spectacular box-office hit earlier in the year with the Wonder Woman solo movie, then they just HAD to ruin the momentum with this excruciating trainwreck. Basically, there's a big hulking bad dood in this one who wants to... wait, what does he want to do with the world again? Take it over, destroy it? Who the hell knows these days, all bad guy philosophies overlap over one another. Anyway, it's all up to the SuperFriends to thwart bad dood's evil plan, and we got a super model, Game of Thrones guy (who talks like a surfer), skinny incel Flash, Ben BatFleck, and some humorless drone, and get this he plays a 'machine' in the movie. Bad dood's too powerful so it looks like this Super Rascals are gonna need a Super-Duper save from some dude-bro in blue tights who kicked the bucket in the last movie. --What I found unforgivably CRINGE-WORTHY throughout this thing over top of everything, was the humor. It's almost fascinating to watch, honestly, you can see it on the actors' faces themselves, there's these SUPER WEIRD PAUSES after every failed joke that's delivered, it's like even the actors are totally confused. "Is this supposed to be funny?... Is anybody laughing?..." It's a wild ride of an adventure but the journey leads nowhere, and serves no purpose. I just find this whole cinema experience 'perplexing', frustratingly so, if I am to properly describe it.

REDEEMING FACTORS: "Ladies and gentlemen, Academy Award winner, Gary Oldman!!"... ahhh, it just feels good to say that.

WHY IT'S HERE: Tells us virtually 'nothing' about the character of Winston Churchill. Or to be more precise, it covers up the neglected FACTS about his life and legacy. Churchill was a drunkard, there's documented testimony on record that he would often arrive to his war cabinet meetings completely stone-faced 'drunk'. He also has a 'peculiar' history at having failed or 'flunked' at everything he set his mind to until being appointed administrative power on the eve of WWII, how that happened chock it up to his impeccable charisma to charm anyone to overlook his unqualifications. He was also a Jewish Zionist who was taught the peace sign, which is actually a magikal symbol taught to him by Aleister Crowley, made to counteract Hitler's sieg heil. He was also a war monger who broke every rules of engagement command in place including attempting to 'starve' the German citizens by blockading the railway shipments. The guy was one of the biggest MONSTERS in modern history, I'm still waiting for the movie that shows us THAT side of 'Mad Dog' Church.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Atmosphere. Mild curiosity.

WHY IT'S HERE: I'm sorry, I really, REALLY tried with this one. I've thought it over long and hard and in the end, I just kind of find the whole thing incredibly pretentious. WAAAAY too artsy, completely muddies the scientific quandaries of the premise. Plus, I know it's 2018 and all, we should be expecting to see MORE of this occur in the near future and onwards. So sue me for being far-sighted, I think one of the cardinal sins in movies today is forcing the audience to read TEXTS on screen, to plot can't advance without doing this. If you're gonna do that, hold the text up to the camera close enough so all of us can fucking READ IT!! --I also, REALLY don't wanna pick on poor Kristen Stewart, but my god, now I know where she gets the reputation that watching her is like witnessing someone attempt to animate a log. Could you please EMOTE?!?

REDEEMING FACTORS: Those performances, that sleek design. Guillermo's faithful pitch-perfect ode to '20s to '40s style horror. --I REALLY wanted to like this movie more.

WHY IT'S HERE: It seems like Del Toro's box-office failure here, spent so much time and effort trying to LOOK great, it forgot to, along the way, BE great. With a narrative so tired and cliched, recycled from original, more unforeseeable ghost stories of the bygone era, Crimson Peak just has no surprises. I found myself able to accurately predict every plot twist and turn coming, HOURS in advance. --It doesn't help that the trailer spoils a lot of that intrigue by showing way too much. Everything is CGIed and popcorn candy roller coaster ride delivery. Nothing is mysterious, nothing is alluring, nothing simmers or settles. It all either fires on all cylinders or needlessly 'drags' at the behest of unbearably dry monologues.

REDEEMING FACTORS: An original concept and competent cast of actors.

WHY IT'S HERE: To be fair, this isn't necessarily a 'terrible' film, thus, why I chose to place it here. Ultimately, what makes it so forgettable is just a 'rushed' production and weak delivery. This could have been a thriller that made a MUCH huger splash, and indeed, it was meant to. At the time of it's release, the public was in a heightened state of awareness as the subject of human cloning, having been just a few years since the Dolly story broke, was quickly gaining headway as an everyday reality we were gonna have to face whether we like it or not some time in the near future. Hollywood wasted no time in attempting to capitalize on the emotions of the times, thus is was leaked, Godsend, Hollywood's first thriller about human cloning, was slated to be out by the fall of 2003. However, the film hit a few production complications and ended up with a dreaded early release in the spring of 2004. Although the whole thing was a flop, it did successfully turn Cameron Bright into an overnight star. The problem I mainly had with the whole thing was it was just so confusing what angle the filmmakers were aiming for. It's like it was made by schizophrenics. There were huge inconsistencies as to narrative focus. It's like they had an idea they wanted to capitalize on but didn't have a clue how to approach or where they wanted to take it? The trailer makes you think, silly public, don't you know all clones are evil? But when actually watching the film you're treated to an entirely different projection.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Cameron Crowe definitely has something to say about our modern 'over-saturation' of digital media and brand logos. The soundtrack, the performances (some of them anyway) and the cinematography are all 'exquisite'.

WHY IT'S HERE: I already have the original, that this movie is based on, Alejandro Amenebar's Open Your Eyes (1997), on my '6,006 Movies' list and I guess I figured, why, basically, have two of the same thing? Cruise is interesting here, and Cruz is always beautiful, but their performances in this one are coming off the heels of their affair, or, sorry, I mean 'rebound' relationship after the implosion of Cruise and Kidman's marriage. In this movie the two of them are always making goo-goo eyes at each other and basically acting like giddy school kids with a crush, I honestly expected them to start playing 'footsie' with each other at one point. I found it to be super distracting.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Such a cool idea! GREAT use of camera POV. And a stellar performance from the esteemed Faye Dunaway as a clairvoyant. Whoever thought this one up had on the very same thinking cap as the writer for Speed (1994).

WHY IT'S HERE: I found the climax, and thus, 'twist' at the end, to be too unacceptably preposterous. It ruins the logic of the whole movie and strips it of anything resembling suspense or mystery.

REDEEMING FACTORS: GREAT performances from both Newman and Cruise!!!

WHY IT'S HERE: Meh, I'm glad that Paul Newman, FINALLY won an Oscar, long overdue at this point, for a Scorsese pic nonetheless. But this one just felt flat and uninteresting to me. I think Newman won for the wrong movie. It's predecessor The Hustler (1961) did a much more stellar job.

REDEEMING FACTORS: It'll kill a couple hours! (And hey, look, Lou Diamond Phillips is in it.)

WHY IT'S HERE: Man, I can't believe I saw this one as a kid, seems like ancient history ago. And such an 'under-the-radar' release. It's basically Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds (1963) mixed with Piranha (1978). It's actually not BAD per se, I guess from what I remember of watching it, I was mainly just disappointed there wasn't more blood and gore in the thing. I mean for a movie about killer bats, you'd think blood letting would be essential to the cash grab?

REDEEMING FACTORS: Chock it up to that superb '80s atmosphere. It's a great way to just 'flick out' some night if you're feeling in the mood.

WHY IT'S HERE: It's just too much of a damn Alien (1979) ripoff. The characters and the dialogue are very cheesy and the big reveal toward the end concerning the nature of the monster is a tad hard to swallow. This is a capital B-movie in the most blatant sense and in the end, my time and what life I have left is just too precious to spend on too many of such generic rehashes like this movie.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I was thrilled beyond measure when, not only did this movie generate buzz around the always criminally overlooked Miss Bullock, by the Academy, but it actually had the 'umph' enough to win her her first Oscar.

WHY IT'S HERE: In retrospect, I've been over this thing again and again, and the more I try to defend this movie the more I have to acquiesce to the common criticism the movie faces from movie lovers. It's hard to deny the premise is a bit patronizing to (under privileged) African Americans--I put the term 'under privileged' in brackets cause I don't necessary thing this is the case with every story. Anyway, basically the plot boils down to a common sports story, and accepting of others less fortunate narrative. Black pauper needs white angel to save him, black guy lacks proper education to engage in critical thought and action. The whole thing 'reeks' of Oscar-bait, unfortunately.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I'm such a goddamned sucker for movies about animals!! And hey look, Kevin Zegers is in this?!

WHY IT'S HERE: Such a preposterous and silly gimmick for a movie, I just couldn't bring myself to give this one any greater respect than I've already humored it with. Sounds like the kind of premise The Simpsons would use to parody/satire Hollywood movie executives.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Great performances from Waltz and Adams!!! A nice 'female empowerment' story.

WHY IT'S HERE: There was a lot of hype concerning this one's release. Everybody thought this was finally gonna do it--Tim Burton's first Best Director nod for the Oscars. Needless to say when I finally saw it for myself I was HUGELY disappointed. I know before I have criticized Burton for constantly recycling the morbid emo style, over and over again in whatever project he undertakes, to death... But here, this film is barely recognizable as a Burton movie. Mostly it comes off as highly glossy super-sweet sugar candy. A very typical 'based on a true story' premise, that is just as vapid and overwrote as Margaret Keane's artwork. Personally I don't think a public endorsement from one Andy Warhol is enough of an intensive to tickle my fancy and paint me curious. All in all though, this film felt like it was 'missing' something, the end result felt somewhat soulless, still can't quite put my finger on it. I would have liked a slightly less 'airbrushed' presentation of this story, without the bright distracting colors and the ridiculously gorgeous actors in the lead(s). It makes the whole experience quite redundant and forgettable in the end.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Believe it or not, I have watched many movies and tv shows about teens and in my opinion, NONE or at least 'very few', have actually captured the essence of 'organic' teenage dialogue, CORRECTLY. Rob Zombie's Halloween prequel is one exception. Usually dialogue between teens in media is either too sappy, too trashy, or too intellectual. Here, the banter between Laurie and her friends is pitch-perfect, this is actually the way young people talk. I found that so impressive, and rare, I thought it was worth mentioning.

WHY IT'S HERE: Despite having every bit the bite that most Rob Zombie features possess, there was really no need for this installment. It's kind of like Ridley Scott choosing to explore the ambiguous mysterious of Alien (1979), it's much scarier when we don't have all the answers. The tone is also off here. What should be a fun and exhilarating 'scary' experience, is bogged down and made ugly to look at by turning the franchise into a torture-porn series.

REDEEMING FACTORS: The movie actually is generally funny--for the most part:-D

WHY IT'S HERE: The whole thing is basically a cliched recycle of John Hughes's Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987). I would much rather be sitting here watching that movie instead.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit. The performances were good (especially Craig Roberts) and it's a decent movie night flick for whatever mood you might be in.

WHY IT'S HERE: It's so damn predictable. I feel like I've seen a THOUSAND of these, with the same formula, and the same sequence of events. Pretty much every step of the way I was able to predict, successfully, what was going to happen next. It doesn't contribute anything meaningful to cinema evolution or history, which pains me to have to say.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Cameron Bright and Nicole Kidman. That pitch-perfect eerie atmosphere. The lighting and cinematography.

WHY IT'S HERE: This one frustrates me the most out of all of them. I wanted so badly to like this one more. It's clear right from the get-go Glazer is a Kubrick admirer and definite comparisons can be found here that Glazer makes excellent use of. However, it's the story, or to be more specific the progression of events that ultimately leads this film straight off a cliff. There's a twist at the climax that left me feeling insulted, betrayed, jerked around. Those of you who have seen it might know what twist I'm talking about. Ultimately, when this film first came out I thought I was being treated to an understated, deeply cognizant thriller toying with the real-world implications regarding human reincarnation, and what that would mean if such a thing were factual. Instead... I don't know what to make of this absurd mess Glazer left us all with???

REDEEMING FACTORS: I have to admit, just like everyone who went to see this thing I too was intrigued by the premise and the attraction of putting all of our discarded action heroes from the previous generation, being given one last hurray! before being put out to pasture. Indeed it made me giddy to see some of my childhood favorites up there on the big screen one last time, mixed together with the stars of the present day. It brought a smile to my face.

WHY IT'S HERE: Pretty much everything. This was a travesty of a movie that seems incompetent to succeed because the filmmakers are daft to what makes a great action hero/or movie to begin with. First sin, don't make your hero way too strong, don't make them stronger than the bad guys--at least not all the way through--otherwise it just makes them look less like heroes and more like arrogant assholes! There is so much carnage and destruction in this one and blatant racial xenophobia by culturally appropriating third world nations of being full of nothing but throwaway ghetto urchins and drug lords. Breeding grounds for terrorist recruitment factions. Another thing that really bothered me, nobody cares about any of your boring backstories guys!!! I don't know what it was like to see this in theaters but there must be something wrong with my audio. Half the things said on camera I found to be barely audible. The actors 'mumbled' their lines quite often and I couldn't tell what anyone was saying--therefore, couldn't follow any of what was happening. So why should I care at this point? This whole thing, I just felt like the producers and actors involved were just repeatedly jerking off on my face, and I didn't like it. Towel please!

REDEEMING FACTORS: The third movie is critical to completing the quintology.

WHY IT'S HERE: It's the 'weakest link' of the original Planet of the Apes series. Mainly due to poor direction and storytelling. The film ends, leaving you with something to think about, however, for the largest part of the film the action severely 'drags'. We watch as Cornelius and Zira flirt with superfluous fashion trends of the '70s and become integrated with human society. A vain, easily distracted or angered self-destructive plague, too eager to assimilate foreign entities into the mold, at first given opportunity, while never truly accepting them as one of the hive. In conclusion, I don't necessarily think it's a terrible film, thus why it pains me to be forced to reject it from my official 6,006 list. I just think the direction is kind of a hack job, too full of campy scene filler and absurd or uninteresting nonsense.

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Nice Tries!

Movies that could have have been saved, had they fallen in the hands of someone more competent (like me ;-D)
REDEEMING FACTORS: Toward the end of the movie, things actually started getting interesting cause--and this was 'painfully' drawn out too much in my opinion--when the bad guy finally revealed his motivation, the film threw us a topically relevant curveball with a masterplan, that actually has some relative standing in what's going on today, in modern society.

WHY IT'S HERE: Director Matthew Vaughn continues to routinely insult our intelligence. I often use this film as a prime example as to just how disturbingly desensitized we're become as a species to random nonsensical violence with bright seizure inducing visuals. Everything about this movie is putrid right down to the disembowelments, the beheadings, the puke-inducing bright neon interiors and costumes, to the rapid ADHD-inspired editing that looks like the filmmakers were on speed while making this thing. Check out the video-game style point and click fight scenes, that at some points literally turn in to Call of Style-esque first person shooting. Everything is so stylized, constrictive, and meant to manipulate the sensibilities of the viewer. There's no room to breathe, no laxed creative freedom or scenes where the viewer is allowed to input their own narrative or interpretation. Everything is on a linear narrative and plot progression. I can't believe so many people fell for this shit which is ultimately designed to make fascism look groovy baby. It's like if Austin Powers made a recruitment video for the intelligence community.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I laughed by accident a few times, sorry.

WHY IT'S HERE: Oh boy! To be fair, the film actually makes fun of itself, by openly joking that this is simply Vacation, a cheap cash grab reboot of the iconic Nation Lampoon series which NP wanted to distance themselves from as MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Every joke is cheap, needlessly crass and hypersexual and overly vulgar. There were just so many things that turned me off about this one, there were even a few jokes that fell flat and just left me scratching my head, wondering what it was they were trying to get the audience to laugh at, precisely. And what's with all the goddamn pedophilia jokes. One can not wash themselves clean enough after watching this 90 min. 'sleaze fest'. I honestly feel like I can picture how the meeting went to greenlight such a trainwreck. Yeah, yeah, we get it, it looks like they're jerking of a giant cock outline... why do they have to keep rubbing it in our faces like that? ;-)P

REDEEMING FACTORS: This movie is kind of a guilty pleasure if you just wanna 'popcorn out' one evening. Too tired to plug in something good. It does have pretty decent energy to it.

WHY IT'S HERE: Ever since I saw the first JP movie I felt we were all kinda 'teased' with the speculation that dinosaurs would ultimately find their way to the mainland and start to invade the cities. When we didn't get this in Lost World (1997) I was willing to let it slide. I thought, "ok, that's fair, dinosaurs are a pretty alien species to this new world being lost out of time, plus, it stands to reason they would want to inhabit more of the their natural element at first, to be able to establish a few colonies, carve out a niche for themselves." But after the NY ending with the T-Rex I thought for sure this time they would give us that fantasy premise. Here we go, Jurassic City baby! But no, back to the original island--for whatever fucking reason. It honest to God boggles my mind as to how anyone could possibly take this thing seriously as the movie doesn't even bother to take itself seriously. The film is filled to the brim with slapstick humor. And irritating over-the-top cartoonish performances. They treat the natural wonder of wild dinosaurs like the theme-park ride the plot of the original movie was centered around. The whole thing felt like a cash-grab to me and that's sad, I have such high expectations and investment in this franchise for someone who grew up obsessed with dinosaurs myself.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I found this one oddly alluring. I don't know what kind of mind control Zack Snyder was using but despite how ludicrous it may seem on paper, I found it difficult to walk away, after sitting down to see at least half this movie. I have to give Snyder props, he certainly knows how to utilize bold, strikingly surreal visuals that burn straight into the viewer's neo-cortex. This might be a great way to kill 2 and a half hrs. if you just wanna flip your brain off for that long.

WHY IT'S HERE: Lord, what a cerebral clusterfuck! Now, explain to me what the hell is going on? The script seemed all over the place. All those things that everyone accused Iron Man 2 of being, that's exactly what's happening here. It's like they try and cram 10 different movies into one overly long, needlessly epic schizophrenic hallucination. When the whole thing started I thought perhaps this was all taking place inside Batman's head. Why did Wonder Woman need to be in this? Superman's death deserves it's own stand alone vehicle, fuck off Bats! And why in holy hell is Superman depicted in such humorless, overtly ominous droid-fashion. Boy they are REALLY hammering this whole, all powerful 'alien' angle... for some reason. Then, just because this monstrosity wasn't a big enough middle finger to everything a Superman fan once loved about the franchise, for the love of God, what the fuck is wrong with Lex Luthor?!?!? Since when does the most cold calculating, world-infamous criminal mastermind, find himself possessed by the spirit of Willy Wonka. I half expected Luthor to invite Wayne to check out his super creepy chocolate factory he just had built. In closing, I can't really say I disliked this movie or thought it was shit. I'm just confused... really, really confused. Who thought of this thing? And how can I buy drugs from you??? It's almost one of those it's so bad it's good kind of viewings.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Psht! Not much. I can see what they were TRYING to do though.

WHY IT'S HERE: The whole affair gave me a migraine. They tried WAY TOO HARD to be off-beat and quirky. And some of the vulgar language I felt was excessive and unnecessary. Harrison Ford delivers perhaps his most 'phoned in' performance to date, which is sad to see. All in all this one just left me exhausted by the end of it. And I'm positive that was not the way the creators intended it.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I have to admit, it is special to get to see one of the great living legends of acting in one of his very last screen roles, despite how minor it might be.

WHY IT'S HERE: A pretty generic heist movie that goes 'exactly' where you expect it might. With the exact cast of characters you expect to be in it. Pass!

REDEEMING FACTORS: I actually didn't have that much of a problem with any of the performances. They weren't as overbearing as I heard some are saying.

WHY IT'S HERE: Factually inaccurate. I did some digging. There's a reason the full title is Lee Daniels' The Butler. Apparently Mr. Butler plays fast and loose with some of the facts regarding the title character's personal story. Leading me to suspect this film potentially guilty of race-baiting propaganda.

REDEEMING FACTORS: On paper there's really nothing I found to be particularly 'wrong' with this movie.

WHY IT'S HERE: Why have two of the same thing, on my official 6,006 Movies list? It's basically a recycle of the same plot as Home Alone 1.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Very little. I guess--gun to the head--if I had to say anything, it would be the movie to see if anyone's in the mood for a good laugh.

WHY IT'S HERE: Nothing of inspiring quality in this one. I couldn't even finish it all the way through, I found the venture to be just too pointless and an incredible waste of my time. The film was very low budget. So low budget that in fact they couldn't afford sound f/x, the acting performances are abominable and some of the actions and plot twists I found to be so absurd and poorly executed, they borderlined on hysterical. The first act could have used some tightening as well, drags for way too long before anything interesting happens.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Dylan O'Brien is a total babe!;-D

WHY IT'S HERE: How retarded do they think we all are?!? Basically the guy's girlfriend gets killed and so he goes on a one man crusade around the world to kill a formless enemy/the War on Terror. No explanation offered as to how Rapp (O'Brien) has mercenary skills BEFORE the CIA recruits him, none. Then, Keaton's character tries to install some discipline in the love-sullen hormone-crazed lil' brat and teaches him the art of the game, how to do what he wishes to accomplish, with tangible success. And what does the shit do? Pss! Whatever the fuck he wants of course. Just like a true millennial;-) Half the shit O'Brien's character does in the movie you can't honestly sit there and expect any of us to swallow this discarded horse-piss??? I can think of at least 10 or 20 actions made by Rapp in the movie that would have caused severe international-incidents, plunging the free world into immediate nuclear threat. Great job Rapp!;-(

REDEEMING FACTORS: This movie does a better job at trying to recapture that intoxicating pins 'n' needles feeling that the original JP shot up our spines, than the last JP installment. There were a few genuine tense moments and the makers focused more on making JW a 'terrifying' movie experience as supposed to JPIII which focused more on comedy, for whatever reason.

WHY IT'S HERE: Tacky CGI effects. Needlessly quick pacing, feels like this movie was made by someone with ADHD. You don't get the same attention to craft and detail that Mr. Spielberg had. The original film sent a chill coursing through your veins by the simple shot of a glass of water rippling from vibrations. This film, with it's tediously over-complicated plot devices--you know you have a problem when characters need to bring the momentum to a halt on order to explain the plot's science to the audience--and it's blatant recycled nostalgia narrative, trying to copy and paste the plot of the first JP movie rather than be bold and try something new. I thought FOR SURE by the end of the second movie we would get to see Jurassic 'City' by the time JPIII came out. When are the dinosaurs gonna make it to the mainland???

REDEEMING FACTORS: I was interested most of the way. It's not a half-bad thriller premise and Dylan Minnette is an 'excellent' asset to the young talent pool currently in Hollywood. Like most failed horror franchises these days, the film is mainly atmosphere-driven. Unlike some of the other garbage out there, this one has decent atmosphere.

WHY IT'S HERE: The film was inconsistent and left a lot of stubbornly-open plotholes, killed by the third act reveal. Some of those mysteries might have been excusable if the whole thing had simply ended with some goddamn closure. In the end, we're all left to wonder. It's hard to say this is one that left the audience with unexplainable open questions. Scratch that, the frustration lies in the fact that although we do have unanswered questions, it's a misnomer to say they are plot holes per se. We'll never know what needs answering in the end because the film itself refuses to address our concerns.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Some of Emile Hirsche's character's actions really surprised me. The whole thing was really rather well acted and hey, it was nice to see Paul Dano in it.

WHY IT'S HERE: This movie basically tries to recycle the formula used in Dead Poets Society (1989) only here, it's much more phoned in and what's worse, the message is actually that this dignified, yet regressive unconventional professor wants to--rather than teach students how to be an individual--he's actually shaping the youth of tomorrow how to be conformists. Is he really that naive, or just that sinister, that he's raising Roman emperors and ancient dignitaries up on a platform as something to be admired by millennials??? The dictators of the ancient world were just as corrupt, egotistical and megalomaniacal as the politicians of today's society, if not 'worse' because the internet didn't exist back then, and these thieving, scheming, rapist, murders knew how to get away with their misdeeds. Teaching the young people of today is to breed a new generation of cultural marxists into society. You almost got away with it Mr. Hoffman, and whatever studio backed this thing. I see what you did there.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I'm still thinking... (It's a famous cartoon?)

WHY IT'S HERE: Being a cat person myself I always despise the abundance of cartoons, in the past anyways, but the trend still continues to date, of depicting cats as the villains and getting a laugh out of abusing and humiliating them. I honestly just want to see Tom 'eat' Jerry one of these days--then poop him out. Just end it already. There's only so much I can take of the constant bias shown in these things to make Jerry the martyr, and spending the next 5 to 10 minutes basically just tormenting and beating the shit out of poor Tom. This one's no different. Jerry basically wrecks the place and makes a goddamn mess of the house, and Tom like the bottom-bitch that he is is made to clean it top to bottom, I'm assuming with his own tongue if necessary? Pass.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Jack Pallance!!!

WHY IT'S HERE: Jewish comics mocking the cowboy lifestyle. My great great grandparents must be rolling over in their graves, and their parents too. I found this whole endeavor to be quite patronizing and the only few laughs I genuinely shared were from Pallance's razor-tongued repartee. At least the sequel had one of these dweebs get bit on the ass by rattlers.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Kylo Ren's story arc!! That fight sequence in Emperor Snoke's throne room!

WHY IT'S HERE: Lord what a trainwreck. Where does one even begin with this heaping pile of porg shit?!? The pacing is very inconsistent. Finn and Rose were completely useless. Leia's faux-death was a waste. Poe and Holdo's standoff was forced and unconvincing, Hamill's character was completely molested by Rian Johnson. Snoke went out like a pussy--and in the end we were left with frustratingly sketchy unanswered questions. The porgs were friggin' cute, but a blatant product placement. The whole plot from beginning to end made no goddamn sense. The movie was way too long. Rey's character is a Mary-Sue. And to top it all off... I don't even include this in my sh*t stack because the worst sin of all by far in the whole endeavor... ... MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!!! Last Jedi had a 'chance' to depart from the SWU cannon but instead chose to troll the loyal fans and devotees of the series. Rey SHOULD HAVE joined forces with Kylo (that would have made more sense--imagine Luke, speaking in confidence to Rey about how he has often wondered, over the last 40 years, what would have happened had he joined his father in the Dark Side instead?) Leia should have been killed off instead of Luke (they had the perfect shot it for but failed to pull the trigger--imagine it, Kylo, disgraced and not in Snoke's good favor, had no problem killing his dad in the last movie but in this one, hesitates on his mom, chooses not to, but she gets shot and dies anyway...) and Luke shouldn't have thrown the lightsaber away but instead, 'dropped' it, leading Rey to find out later that from the moment she stepped on to the island, her training had already begun. Luke is testing her resolve, not only how bad she wants to learn the ways of the Force, but also determining which way she will ultimately swing, having already lost one pupil to the Dark Side, as far as Luke knows...

REDEEMING FACTORS: It's cheap entertainment that will kill a couple hours.

WHY IT'S HERE: I thought we were done with Treadstone?... Apparently, so did Matt Damon.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I don't place this one in my Sh*t Stack because I honestly just can't bring myself to care enough to give a rat's ass since last I seen this.

WHY IT'S HERE: Was a remake really necessary? Yeah, I get it I get it, it's not a remake but a 'reboot'. Barely IMO, I found a lot of the visuals, including performances, art interior and exterior, the costumes, props, and songs, too be just too pretentiously self-indulgent on the side of Mr. Burton. Not everything needs to be so
whimsically macabre. Depp's performance as Mr. Wonka was just irritating, and distracting if you can believe that. He looked like a fuckin' child molester, why on Earth adults would trust him to be alone with their kids?... The songs are disposable. I challenge anyone to bring to me any memorable lyrics that are easy to decipher from this movie. I couldn't make them out half the time cause Burton goes out of his way to make the singing voices all off-beat, squeaky and indecipherable, not to mention the chorus and verse procession to be perverse and jagged, difficult to follow along if you're in a theater there to interact. I also found it odd that although critics often attack Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka for it's brief and uninspiring depiction despite the character's name being in the title, this movie does just the reverse, focus is spent far too much on an unlikable, cold hermaphroditic portrayal of Willy Wonka, and not enough focus spent on young Charlie Bucket, who's name is in the goddamn title?

REDEEMING FACTORS: The opening sequence with Nibiru. Hells yeah!!

WHY IT'S HERE: The over-abundant familiarity with the 1st gen movies, Abrams got lucky and got away with it the first time. The second time around, com'mon. It's basically just a sanitized--more politically correct--reshoot of Wrath of Khan. Some of the scenes between Spock and Kirk are gay, which, I don't necessarily have a problem with, I'm just surprised fans of the 1st gen. wouldn't either? All in all, the finished product was too sleekly polished, and Khan was stripped of every lingering shred of his original menacing demeanor.

REDEEMING FACTORS: Almost everything. Dazzling visuals. Mila Kunis in the lead. An empowering story for women and young girls. Loaded with boundless imagination. Sleek design and costumes. Gotta luv doze Wachowskis ;-D

WHY IT'S HERE: An agonizingly overly-distracting convoluted narrative and premise. It's positively 'aneurysm'-inducing. The meat of one's film should NOT be spent just explaining the plot to the audience--that's when you already know you have yourself a problem. Oh yeah, and while we're at it how about the ludicrous contradictory nature of the film's antagonist's motivation. "Wait, I'm confused, he wants to do what?..." And let's not forget Eddie Redmayne's fucking unbearable accent/voice pitch, YIKES!!

REDEEMING FACTORS: Mae "Friggin'" Whitman!!!

WHY IT'S HERE: Virtually nothing happens in this one. So generic, so cliched, so predictable. Another recycled She's All That (1999) reboot, that ultimately feels lifeless, directionless, pointless. It's like the writers could have done this one in their sleep.

REDEEMING FACTORS: I can now boast about how cool I am to my friends from middle school... cause when I was a kid, Sandler was the shit. And they HIGHLY regarded this movie, for some reason or another.

WHY IT'S HERE: Fuck Adam Sandler!! I never truly got what made his comedy so revered and admired. It just seemed lazy to me. But everyone was laughing, except me... is there something in the water? What am I missing? Well anyway, this was my very first Sandler comedy I ever saw and if this is the zenith of Sandler's comedic height at the box-office, I can only imagine what awaits me as I check out the REST of the man's repertoire. Should be about as much fun as a hysterectomy. Bottom line, I wouldn't trust this guy to babysit my houseplants, let alone adopt a kid.

REDEEMING FACTORS: The cinematography!! And Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s performance--he should have had WAAAAY more screen time.

WHY IT'S HERE: Everything else.

REDEEMING FACTORS: The 'hype'!!!

WHY IT'S HERE: A pathetic first effort. First evidence that Bryan Singer truly just doesn't get the X-Men. Everything is to 'dazzle' the audience, it's all surface and no substance. The plot is flimsy. Everything looks dated and fake. The only redeeming factor is that Singer would ultimately blow this one out of the water with the sequel. Thus, we needed the first one on order to get to the second one.

Add items to section

The SH*T Stack!

Movies that go far and behind the thin red line of audience acceptability. Garbage films that I had the displeasure of having to endure, initially thinking them to be good.
REDEEMING FACTORS: It's good for a laugh if you're in desperate need of one.

WHY IT'S HERE: I'm sorry everyone, but this was just some pretty darn funny poop for me to watch. Can anyone explain to me just what the creative decision behind this thing was? I'm sorry, but I just found it irresistible to laugh through the entire duration of this thing. For whatever reason, somewhere along the line the filmmakers it seems, got the brilliant idea to have all the characters SCREAM every single one of their lines, through a 90 min. movie. Even the scenes where they were supposed to be quiet to avoid detection, they had to SCREAM to one another to tell everyone to be quiet. That just gave me the shits and giggles. If I was there I would be smacking that bitch up, bitch shut--the--fuck--up! Did anyone else have the same or similar annoyances? By the end of it when the monster finally ate her I was like, "-thaaank you!"

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THE FOLLOWING IS a list of movies I had to reject from my 6,006 Movies list, a link to which can be found here.

http://www.listal.com/list/my-1001-see-before-ascension

As I go along I will be adding anything I see that I found fault in, if this list gets too obese I will probably close it, or eliminate the bottom section. Which leads me to say, I originally tried making a list of movies I found to be complete shit but I found it too tedious to keep up. However, I decided to start moving everything to this list so that I can keep straight what I've seen as well as what I officially hated, and also decide for myself the different between movies that were complete shit IMO, or just movies that I'm being too hard on, but didn't quite like. Or even just movies I found to be uneventful.

If you agree or disagree with me comments will be welcome. Thanks for stopping in, peace ;-D

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