Elden Ring Reviews

This game tops almost everyone's "best of 2022" lists and even won Game of the Year. And… I dearly wish I could sing its praises like everyone else, but it really isn't for me. :-(

My expectations weren't exactly high to begin with. I don't like FromSoftware or open world games, basically for the exact same reasons everyone else does. But given Elden Ring's universal acclaim, and the fact that the worldbuilding was handled by George R.R. Martin, I gave it a chance anyway.

Well, sadly, no, it never drew me in. Yes, the land looks very nice, the bosses are creative, and each location probably has a ton of lore behind it. But the one thing the game never gave me, even once, was a reason to care. At no point did I care about the world, exploring it or embarking on quests within it.

That apathy started right from the opening narration, which (in typical FromSoftware fashion) bombards you with names like they're supposed to already mean something. Instead of getting me excited for what was to come, it just left me confused. And bored.

Even the central quest, your character's main goal, is way too intangible: assemble the Elden Ring and become the Elden Lord. Okay, what exactly is the Elden Lord? Why would I want to become it? Why should I care? Your player character is a Tarnished, but just what is that? And what does maidenless mean? I guess a maiden is some sort of guide, but for what purpose? Unless maybe you read the flavour text, the game overtly explains none of that. If I can't even grasp the basics, then why would I want to explore the world more in-depth?

The things I genuinely like are few and far between. I like the inclusion of stealth attacks, like in Sekiro. Melina is pleasant enough that I'm happy to have her as a maiden, and the music near the end is incredible.

But if I were to sum up my overall thoughts on this game in four words, it would be: "Why should I care?"

My rating: 45%