Splice Reviews

Could've been the best sci-fi/horror film to hit theaters in years. The trailers were promising and when was the last time Adrien Brody picked up a bad script? Well the marketing team fooled me, and someone duped Brody too. Or he was blackmailed. Simply put, Splice is one of those cloning/genetic engineering pics that rely more on topical, cutting-edge science-y gene-O babble than thoughtful writing. Video store shelves have been infected with a rash of such films lately and Splice is the most recent reminder that the malady doesn't look to be retreating anytime soon. Brody's character is dull, dull, dull. The strongest point of interest surrounding Clive occurs as we the audience wonder what ironic, edgy t-shirt he'll wear next. He lacks any intensity, courage or mystery required to carry the audience through a film. Opposite we have Elsa (Clive's girlfriend? Fiancee? Wife? Lab-partner, anyway). Elsa is the stupidest person with an advanced degree in micro-biology you've ever met. Really. Just a big ball of dumb, delusional naivety dressed up in a mother complex. Her actions and decisions (along with Clive's spineless, reluctant, "I guess I'll just humor her; how bad could things really get, ha-ha" response) are utterly unbelievable, effectively rendering most of the plot equally absurd. Usually when I suspend my disbelief I do so assuming that I will get something in return, namely scares or thrills. Splice doesn't even attempt to hold up its end of the bargain. Instead I'm offered a ridiculous, pretentious story about a couple and a Girl-nimal attempting to play house. In what feels like a last-ditch effort (and I'm trying not to give anything away) the director abandons any credibility left and goes for DARING. (As in, "but he's a man and she's a...uh-oh"). I almost admired this plot-turn til the after-math shows up in all it's underwhelming mediocrity. Splice's only brilliance lies in its ability to acutely demonstrate why NOT to rely on stunning visuals alone.