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The Taint review
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Redeeming quality(s)? Only was an hour...

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The Taint. That title alone makes it sound terribly cliché, although I WISH it were just unoriginal and merely that. Whatever guttersnipe made this movie should REALLY be flogged until they learn what makes a good film. As much as I hate making assumptions about the unknown, I firmly can say that with the given resources a movie could be made better under my control than what was presented in The Taint.

By this point, I bet you're wondering what possibly could be this bad. Well picture adult men running around with their genitals exposed. These men have large erections. Blood is covering their body. A milky substance is shooting out of their penis. Bad enough? Well it gets worse. A farmer with the above description is also excreting as he is chasing someone. And no he's not doing it in his pants. A hole was cut in the back of his knickers and he is literally defecating as a horse would.

Plot?

The plot in this movie hardly qualifies as a story. A water source in some suburban town was poisoned with some testosterone agent that caused all of the men to grow big penises and become more violent towards women. The men who drink the water become killing machines and start to destroy all women within sight of them. Along the way you learn who did it, how it happened and why it was done. That's all. No ending. No true protagonist. No plot depth.

I wasn't sure what genre this was so I looked it up on IMDb. Action. Comedy. Horror. Too bad this movie was none of that.

Action - This movie flashes from random characters from time to time. These characters don't have names. You won't care about them and they don't do anything amazing. The most action in this movie is a bunch of men running down the street with their penises hanging out of their pants.

Horror - There is nothing frightening about this film. Sick maybe, but nothing is scary here. You will most likely be cringing at how everything looks so fake from the semen to the smashed heads. This is somewhat understandable for an indie film, however it wasn't excused by other aspects of the movie.

Comedy - Funny? Did someone mentally challenged come up with the humor in this movie? Oh wait maybe it was. Sorry for offending you. Really though, unless you find men smashing heads open with their Johnsons funny there is nothing here that you will be laughing at. There is stupidity and there is humor. This is stupidity.

With that all said everything else this movie offers is null and void. I couldn't recommend this trash to anybody.

1/10 Nothing redeeming about this other than it being short.

To who ever made this: Nice try, but come up with a better story next time that will actually be worth the watch.



1/10
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Added by Kral
5 years ago on 29 January 2012 04:30



Comments

Posted: 5 years, 8 months ago at Feb 27 20:52
"I firmly can say that with the given resources a movie could be made better under my control than what was presented in The Taint."

Then do it. The fact that you haven't yet is evidence you can't.
Posted: 3 years, 7 months ago at Mar 18 7:48
It was made by Troma Films production all the movies they do are absurd like this one...

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