Did anyone ask for a Bennifer movie? Anyway, Larry “Rhymes with Really” Gigli (Ben Affleck) is a wannabe mobster who is assigned to kidnap Brian (Justin Bartha), the federal prosecutor’s mentally handicapped brother. Because Larry is such a wet sandwich gangster, he gets a surprise visit from Ricki (Jennifer Lopez) whom he resents at first, but, of course, they end up in the sack together. Things get ugly when Starkman (Al Pacino) arrives, kills Louis (Lenny Venito), and tells Larry what an embarrassment he is, but Larry and Ricki quit and take Brian to “the Baywatch”. Gigli is one of the most oddly-concocted films I have seen, with an ill-conceived story, bizarre subplots, and performances so off-collar that the actors look confused at what’s going on. Ben Affleck seems more focused on acting like an egocentric douchebag than a lesser mob man and J-Lo, despite playing a badass bodyguard, comes off as just a special needs caretaker with a hot bod. Pacino is even worse, overacting in every sentence and emphasizing every four-letter word. However, Gigli’s saving grace is Justin Bartha as Brian, who is desperate to lose his virginity yet has to take abuse from Larry in almost every scene. A very special shout-out goes to Christopher Walken and his awkwardly hilarious switch from a serious interrogation to a 20-second monologue about pie. Gigli is such an odd egg to sit through and is one of the classic examples of a bad romantic comedy.
(1 Marie Calendar Pie a la Mode out of 5)
(It’s turkey time… Gobble gobble.)