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The Expendables review

Posted : 8 years, 3 months ago on 30 December 2015 06:22

MANGASM: Occurs at a time of intense scenes of violence and action, culminating in a euphoric orgasmic sensation. EXPENDABLES picks up increasing amounts of steam as it barrels toward it’s explosive finale. This entire movie was conceived to be the ultimate masculine stud fantasy, Stallone manages to give every action fan everything he could want in one movie. Explosive, orgasmic non stop fighting of all those action men together in one screen. Jet Li fight Dolph Lundgren ! Stone Cold Steve Austin beating the hell out of Sylvester Stallone! Gary Daniels savagely killed with a boot down onto his neck! Scott Adkins getting beheaded after a brutal body combat with Stallone! Jason Statham beats the crap out of a group of guys, throws knives and wields a sword. Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren have this epic, kick ass fight, Stallone gets his ass kicked by Stone Cold Steve Austin, Randy Couture and Austin get this bloodied fight gruesome graphic violence that helped make him a star in the first place. Body parts fly as bullets pierce them, heads roll from swords, we see bodies explode, hear blood curdling screams when Terry Crews takes a loud, testosterone birthed rifle and shoots people with bullets that seem to pierce all matter. More people are stabbed, shot, punched, kicked, thrown into brick walls and at one point a guy is shot and stabbed at the same time.


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The Expendables review

Posted : 11 years ago on 7 April 2013 03:01

If you like action films with bad acting, bad surgery and bad dialogue... then this is the movie for you.


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The Expendables review

Posted : 11 years, 9 months ago on 28 June 2012 02:23

Star studded, blood shedding, guns banging movie. The Expendables,’ a team of veteran mercenaries who reunite to bring down a drug operation. Movie packed of mayhem is simply ultraviolent, nonstop, and numbing, whereby a team of five people not only take on but hunt down whole army of drug dealer.


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The Expendables review

Posted : 12 years, 9 months ago on 4 July 2011 03:28

I love action films a lot...but you need more than just blowing up crap and chases. Some stable/decent acting is needed. An interesting plot line should be included as well, butI must say this was awfully boring and other than some cool "bad a$$" scenes, this was lame. I know action films don't need top notch acting..but give me something believable! I looked forward to this movie and it let me down. They could have had a better cast of people. Seriously Eric roberts ain cutting it.

Rating 3.7/10


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Please Somebody Give Jet Li's family more Money

Posted : 13 years ago on 13 April 2011 06:31

Everybody is talking about how great 80's action films were. You know the one (insert favorite action film of the 80's here ____________) that was light on the plot, but heavy on the gun play and one-lines. Then the 90's came along and we demanded that our movies stopped being cliched and more respected in the art of storytelling...and then came along films like (insert favorite smart action of the 90's here _____________), but another problem arose, the leading male usually was an actor not affiliated with the action genre in the slightest. Actors like Will Smith (Enemy of the State), Kenau Reeves (The Matrix), and Josh Harnett (Black Hawk Down) who wanted you to feel what it was like to be in that battlefield, instead of fearing it like our action forefathers showed us a decade earlier.

As the old saying goes "to each his own" and "not all will like the same thing" the action genre has been through many a ups and downs and unfortunately we as fans I feel do not know what type of action movie we exactly want. We all have our nostalgic feelings towards certain films [in this genre] and many undoubtedly age better than others, this fight will continue on for quite some time. As it stands remakes of some of our favorite 80's films are played by "sensitive" male actors who care more about the art and expanding the one dimensional characters that we cheered as we wore our Chuck Taylors with a Saved By the Bell t shirt.

Now by no means am I giving another generation to "reinterpret" a classic a hard time, but I do think that either side (defending or against this rash of remakes) should realize two things:

First, realize that this is a fucking classic and approach this with caution. There are millions upon millions of adoring fans not wanting to see their beloved franchise shat upon by some "groundbreaking" director. Respect the fucking initial film! You might not have a job in the first place! Why even bother remaking a classic if you disrespect what made it great? Like everybody in the 80's were all losers who wouldn't know a decent movie if it feel out of their anus. And this upcoming version is going to kick the shit out of our tiny American brains.

Second, the action forefathers who promote themselves who put themselves in the forefront in support of a current remake or sequel, please, please, please do not become a parody of your former self. This can be achieved knowingly or unknowingly. Usually it is more the latter than the former. "Just put my name all over the movie promo poster", doesn't work as much as you would think nowadays. Moviegoers have grown up now and just incorporating a big fucking gun in your movie isn't going to fly like it did twenty some odd years ago. Also approach your every move with full caution.

By no means am I a professional film editor, director, etc. this is merely a suggestion by an 80's baby and a fan of films.

Now what movie was I supposed to be reviewing again?


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An average movie

Posted : 13 years, 3 months ago on 2 January 2011 11:10

Already 10 years ago, Sylvester Stallone made a surprising come-back with 'Rocky Balboa' (seriously,  who would have thought that a decent movie would come out from such a dead franchise?). Then, 2 years later, he did the same trick with 'Rambo' which was also quite successful but he seemed to be running out of cool characters to recycle. So, he came out with this concept which would be, at the same time, something new but also something really nostalgic as well. I mean, you have to admit it, it was really smart and the whole thing definitely had some potential. Unfortunately, it's such a pity that the end-result was not so great after all. First of all, even though they didn't need to bring a very fancy story, the plot was barely decent but, at least, there were some pretty cool action scenes. Above all, I think the most disappointing thing were the dialogues. Seriously,  except for a few decent one-liners, they were usually rather lame. Imagine if Quentin Tarantino would have written those dialogues... Well, that would have been really interesting! Eventually, I think the whole thing is rather overrated but still, for an action flick, it was fairly entertaining and it is definitely worth a look, especially if you are a fan of the genre.


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The Expendables review

Posted : 13 years, 5 months ago on 14 November 2010 05:58

Pitkästä aikaa kunnon toiminta elokuva, joka oli erittäin mukaansa tempaava. Elokuva on erittäin hyvin maustettu vanhoilla tähdillä esim, Sylvester Tallonen ja Bruce Willis. Ja nämähän nimet kertovat siitä että tulossa olisi kunnon ammunta ja taistelu kohtauksia ja Näinhän se oli. Suorastaa mahtavia ammunta kohtauksia, jotka tekivät elokuvasta erittäin mielenkiintoisen!


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The Expendables review

Posted : 13 years, 7 months ago on 2 September 2010 07:48

it works - believe the hype - violent film well put together - hat off to Sly. Although lets vote - WORST FACE JOB IN HOLLYWOOD - SLY VS ROURKE??


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The Expendables review

Posted : 13 years, 8 months ago on 19 August 2010 09:19

a idéia de juntar esse elenco é boa ... a história nem é tão mal.
mas a execução do negócio foi bem ruim. diálogos bregas, algumas cenas de ação legais, resoluções fracas para algumas situações da histórias.

fui assistir já com a expectativa baixa, mas mesmo assim me decepcionei.


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Good old-fashioned MANLY movie!

Posted : 13 years, 8 months ago on 14 August 2010 03:05

"Only thing you need to know is the job's real, and the money's real."


In the same vein as 2010's Predators, Sylvester Stallone's ambition with The Expendables was to transport modern audiences back to the action cinema zenith of the 1980s, when enormous muscle-bound movie stars utilised equally enormous firearms to slaughter thousands of bad guys with ease. After resurrecting the '80s aesthetic with 2008's Rambo, Stallone gives the ailing style a new lease on life to deliver an old-school, action-packed wallop of a blockbuster. Armed with a charismatic ensemble of badasses along with enough testosterone and adrenaline to float a small island full of elephants, The Expendables is a blast; an epic old-fashioned manly movie with infinite replay value.


Led by the cigar-chomping Barney Ross (Stallone), the titular Expendables are an elite team of professional mercenaries. Following a violent scuffle with a bunch of pirates which results in the firing of team member Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Barney is offered a job by the enigmatic Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) to travel to the island of Vilena to overthrow dictator General Garza (David Zayas), whose strings are being pulled by former C.I.A. operative Munroe (Eric Roberts). Upon arriving at Vilena, however, Ross and his second-in-command Lee Christmas (Jason Statham) discover that there's more to the assignment than meets the eye. Thus, Ross, Christmas and the rest of the team - including token black guy Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), the pint-sized Yin Yang (Jet Li), and the somewhat unremarkable Toll Road (Randy Couture) - suit up for battle, and sneak onto the island to kill as many bad guys and blow up as many things as possible.

In line with expectations, the story (credited to Dave Callaham) is pedestrian and cliché-ridden. Added to this, the script (by Stallone) fails to provide much in the way of intricate character development or interesting plot twists. Then again, these flaws also apply to dozens of '80s action films, and we love those movies nevertheless. Granted, it does seem hypocritical to criticise other blockbusters for bad plotting and give The Expendables a pass in this respect. However, The Expendables succeeds because what little story there is to be found actually succeeds in sustaining interest, whereas other action films tend to concern themselves with utterly boring story fragments. Indeed, for such a harshly-received action film, The Expendables actually has a degree of heart and humanity behind it. The film is imbued with a theme of redemption, exemplified in Gunner's recurring subplot and Barney's motivation for returning to Vilena. In the case of the latter, money no longer holds any value for Barney and he would prefer to die fighting for something meaningful and redeem his soul rather than dying five years down the line on some run-of-the-mill mission. This notion is underscored by Mickey Rourke's character, Tool, who regales Barney with his personal philosophies and memories. As a result, The Expendables has genuine weight and dramatic intensity when the team march off to battle.


With Stallone rounding up such a large group of badasses, it's disappointing that none of them are adequately developed. Stallone and Statham take centre stage here for the most part, leaving the rest of the team with little or no character development (Crews and Couture suffer the worst in this respect). Fortunately, the extended director's cut works to rectify these faults - the team shares a wonderful dynamic in their scenes together, and an excellent opening credits sequence (set to the song Sinner's Prayer) wordlessly develops each of the characters in a surprisingly effective fashion. While Stallone and Callaham's dialogue isn't the strongest (it's no Predator), isolated moments of bantering are highly amusing, and the script contains a judicious smattering of one-liners. What's also notable about The Expendables is its soundtrack. Brian Tyler's score is pulse-pounding and flavoursome, and several classic rock songs are scattered throughout the picture, further establishing the protagonists as guys cut from the vintage action hero mould.

Stallone's penchant for violent combat scenarios and visceral action is thankfully retained for The Expendables, as it contains a handful of exciting set-pieces culminating in a climax capable of shaking theatre walls. There's carnage aplenty throughout the battles; some men are riddled with bullets, others are blown apart, necks are broken, bones are shattered, and there are massive explosions. The fights are old-school, too, with both Statham and Li permitted an opportunity to showcase their martial arts prowess. Hell, Stallone even almost broke his neck filming one fight scene. Admittedly, though, the action scenes are somewhat marred by shaky-cam, frenetic editing (the car chase is especially hard to follow), and multiple instances of phoney CGI blood. It's indeed tragic to witness an '80s throwback giving into the same lazy 21st Century filmmaking techniques that the movie was intended to be a break from. Furthermore, Stallone's direction is occasionally slipshod, including a bizarrely staged expositional scene composed almost entirely of dark extreme close-ups. The Expendables is a fun experience, to be sure, but one must wonder how much better the flick might've been with a defter director and cinematographer.


The biggest selling point of the enterprise is, of course, the cast list, which reads like a collection of everyone's favourite action heroes. Thankfully, the actors are solid here for the most part - not Oscar-calibre, but well-suited for this type of action film. Stallone and Statham are an ideal pairing of lead performers; their bantering is funny, and their camaraderie feels genuine. Alongside this duo, Terry Crews is hugely likeable, though Randy Couture has an underwhelming screen presence and Jet Li lacks enthusiasm. Dolph Lundgren is the film's biggest surprise - he's a hilarious, scenery-chewing standout as Gunner, delivering his most nuanced work in years. Also present here is Rourke who's an outright show-stealer as the Expendables' handler. Rourke's tearful monologue is gut-wrenchingly powerful, affording unexpected gravitas to the proceedings. In terms of villains, Roberts oozes evil as Munroe and WWE wrestler Steve Austin is menacing as henchman Dan Paine, though Gary Daniels and David Zayas barely register.

Another huge selling point of 
The Expendables is the much-hyped scene featuring Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis. It's over too quickly, to be sure, but it's a hilarious and well-written scene. The punch-line is a humdinger.



Blessed with numerous amazing shootouts and some bone-crunching fisticuffs, The Expendables is an irresistibly entertaining action bonanza. It's flawed to be sure, coming across as somewhat of a cinematic experiment that suffers from budgetary constraints and studio interference (the CGI blood indicates that a PG-13 rating was on the table), but it's not without merit. Yes, The Expendables is dumb at times, as it features enemies who are slow to respond and can't shoot straight. Yes, The Expendables is clichéd and largely predictable, too, but the movie should not have been any other way. Sometimes, you have to put aside your instincts as a film critic and enjoy the ride.

7.8/10



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