I Know Who Killed Me Reviews

In this psychological thriller, Aubrey Fleming (Lindsay Lohan) is abducted and tortured by a serial killer. Meanwhile, her twin sister, Dakota Moss (also Lohan) wakes up in a hospital and discovers mysterious wounds on her right hand and right leg, before solving the mystery of her killer, Aubrey’s piano tutor Mr. Norquist. Atop of the recycled murder mystery plot, those ridiculous blue operating tools, the goofy gore scenes, and the ludicrously preposterous twin stigmata syndrome, here are some of the billion plot holes that earned I Know Who Killed Me its eight Razzies. If Aubrey was buried during the investigation, then why isn’t Dakota slowly rotting away like real corpses? In fact, wouldn’t she be out of breath by the time she got to the killer’s house? For that matter, if Aubrey and Dakota are twins, how could their parents (Julia Ormond and Neal McDonough) not recognize her when Dakota walked in? How did Aubrey’s dad end up from the cemetery to a coffin in the killer’s lab within ten minutes? If the impact of one twin affects another twin, did Aubrey feel anything down there when Dakota had sex with her boyfriend Jerrod (Brian Geraghty)? And most importantly, why aren’t the FBI agents brought into the case again even after Norquist died? I Know Who Killed Me is an extremely stupid movie with not much thrills and a lot more laughs.

(1 Blue Rose Bouquet out of 5)

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting much from this flick but, for some rather morbide reasons, I still wanted to check if it was as bad as it looked. Well, it definitely lived up to its poor reputation, that’s for sure. Indeed, it is basically a complete disaster and it is very rare to see a movie failing on every single level. For example, take the story, it is a terrible far-fetched mess which barely makes any sense and, if you try to analize it afterwards, it is even more pathetic. Concerning Lindsay Lohan, what can I say? Even though she is supposed to play 2 different characters (one real and one supposedly imaginary), there is not one single difference between any of them so her performance was far from being convincing. Even the striptease scenes were some of the most underwhelming I have ever seen but you can argue that, in real life, striptease acts actually might as well look quite ugly and boring (in ‘Striptease’, another awful movie, at least, Demi Moore looked terrific and displayed some really impressive lap dances). The only redeeming feature about this flick is that it has become somehow some metaphore about where Lindsay Lohan stood at the time. On one hand, she was still this cute talented ingenous Disney actress (not for long though) but, on the other hand, she was also this wild chain-smoking coke-snorting promiscuous party girl and this movie actually mirrored this ambiguous behavior. To conclude, it is the worst movie starring Lindsay Lohan (which is, considering her awful track-record, quite an accomplisment) and it is not worth a look whatsoever.

You need to pay attention to the smallest detail to be able to understand the movie. It is very confusing and sometimes very awkward. The story is understandable however is weak, what reward are the steamy Lindsay Lohan's scenes. From bad, the movie becomes good. I have a few chances, but whatever. Lindsay would not have a twin sister, she keeps the whole story in mind, so that she can not feel pain. I read this somewhere and I adopted this hypothesis as well.

"I know who killed me." (That's an actual quote...wow the filmmakers are trying to relate a quote back to the title...who would've thought. And I know who killed me: the filmmakers. For making this painful garbage!)

I Know Who Killed Me is officially career suicide for Lindsay Lohan: an actress who seemed to have a promising future as an actress after films like Mean Girls and Freaky Friday. The most unfortunate fact is that Lindsay desired to be taken more seriously as an actress by starring in a serious movie. Like most working actors/actresses, there comes a time to aim for an Oscar moment. Little did young Lindsay realise that this was the time for the Razzie committee to review her work. Lindsay became the honoured recipient of several Razzies: she tied with herself for Worst Actress, and she won Worst Screen Couple (once again shared with herself).

During 2007, audiences witnessed several inhumanely appalling horror flicks including Captivity, Hostel: Part II and even The Hills Have Eyes Part II. However, Lindsay's flick managed to rightfully beat the competition for the Razzie award of "Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie". Needless to say, I watched this film with shockingly depleted expectations. I knew that I was going to see a fairly poor flick...I just wasn't aware it would hold a convincing place on my 'Worst of 2007' list. Why is the film so appalling? Well, where to start...Lindsay's acting is dismal, director has no sense of style, the screenplay moves from one pointless scene to the next, it contains atrociously written dialogue, it's poorly made, and the film is also highly boring. I had to press the 'pause' button every few minutes to refill my coffee because I was falling asleep!

The plot essentially borrows from most commercial torture/horror porn witnessed over the past few years. We have elements of Saw and Hostel with a script that also mirrors police detective tales. This could have worked if done correctly. However, the film represents a Z-Grade version of all aforementioned elements. The horror scenes aren't even effective! Instead we have gore...lots of gore...nothing else.

Basically, Aubrey Fleming (Lohan) is a promising young teenage girl living off her parents' wealth. The idyllic small town in which she lives is soon rocked when a teenage girl is abducted and sadistically murdered. Soon Aubrey is abducted by (who we believe is) the same bloke. This is where the film goes from bad to worse. Flaws in logic begin surfacing multiple times every minute. I mean, they have one dead girl and a missing girl, yet the entire police force and even the FBI are called in to investigate! Talk about overkill. I mean, shouldn't they have dangerous fugitives or illustrious serial killers to catch? If not flaws in logic, it's things we simply find hilarious. An example? Well, the town sheriff resembles Santa Claus. So as Sheriff Claus makes his suspect list (and checks it twice) we also have unnecessary, tasteless scenes of pole dancing and nudity that make no sense at all. Oh, and there's a random gardener who decides to stroke a stick suggestively in order to impress Lindsay's character. No, I am not making this up. And of course, when the killer abducts Lindsay, her friends find a blue rose in her car. How did it get in there? Due to the futility of every other scene, imagine this: Lindsay asks the killer if she can quickly put something in her car, to which the killer responds "Oh yeah, sure. We'll do this torture and abduction thingy when you're ready". I can imagine that scene actually happening. Can't you?

Lindsay Lohan's acting is bottom of the barrel. 80% of the reasons why this film is so appalling are due to Lohan and her (*ahem*) so-called "acting". Every line she delivers is contrived, unrealistic or plain dreadful. At times she's meant to be screaming because of the unbearable torture. It doesn't sound like she's in pain. It's almost like she's moaning in pleasure...I'll leave that up to your imagination. To make matters worse, her pole dancing even looks incredibly trite! Lindsay spent time "researching" her character by spending time with real strippers and pole dancers. Whoa, you mean Lindsay wasn't doing this career already? Poor Julia Ormond...she looks like she's making an effort, possibly a few Oscar moments, but she wound up getting a Razzie award nomination.

The director and writer can't be let off too easily. Director Chris Sivertson has less talent than a film student. His uses of colour motifs simply do not work. Okay, so red signifies one character and blue signifies the other. Sure, we get it. But is it necessary? Nope. Not at all. And at the beginning there's a neon sign with a bulb darkening for the right arm and leg. Seems like the director wanted some foreshadowing in an attempt to look clever...but is he clever? The answer still remains an emphatic NO! Every scene in this movie is poorly written and its execution is distressingly weak. The result is boredom from the first 5 minutes. Highlights from these first few minutes: a few shots of Lindsay being a stripper (with no talent at all to show for), some blood dripping down her pole as she slides down (even blood dripping from where she never even touched...it's like witnessing the annual sap flow of the Stripper Pole Forest), and there's a few moments for Lindsay to read a story. Her writing is god-awful, and yet the class look so entranced and fascinated. On top of this, talk about a painful stereotype: Lindsay is wearing glasses in an attempt to look smart! Take the hint, Lindsay: if you wear glasses it doesn't mean you look smart. And you're starring in this film...so you're not smart at all!

The screenwriter should be banned from writing anything else in his career. The story is far from interesting and so cliché-ridden it's almost hard to comprehend! The whole concept is based on the myth of 'stigmatic twins'. Sound interesting? Didn't think so...because it's not! This film cannot be counted as a horror flick either. Aside from a few moments of gore that showcase decent prosthetics, there isn't a shock or fright in view until the finale when we've already lost interest. In between the torture of Aubrey and the rescue of Aubrey, there is a whole lot of nothing except for Lindsay showing the world her attempt to act like the daughter of a crack whore.

I Know Who Killed Me is a boring mess that fails to frighten, fails to entertain and has little to no redeeming value. After the first few minutes I found myself indescribably bored. The director has no sense of style at all. The result is a succession of pointless scenes with no abiding content. Heck, nothing seems vital except for the abduction and rescue. I wish this was a short film, because the filmmakers surely killed me with this film. At one stage the characters describe a serial killer who kills people in the cinema. If people were in the cinema watching this movie, it'd be a truly welcome favour. That scene is more irony than this film can handle.

1.1/10

Hmmm...well, I knew this wouldn't be a great movie, but I must say I was surprised to find that it was really really terrible. Bad story, bad acting, and definitely a horrible ending. If you're into crappy horror/suspense films, watch this once, but really, not worth the time, since you can see the end coming from the very beginning.