Worst Films of 2011

The prequel/remake of John Carpenter's classic turns a genuinely interesting and tense suspense story into a straight forward lackluster CGI monster chasing after people. It's boring, poorly pieced together and devoid of anything the slightest bit scary.

I love myself some ridiculous shit. In fact I get quite excited about gleefully overzealous movies that want nothing more than be excessive, absurd and fun. And 'Cowboys & Aliens' sure as shit wasn't that. Boring as sin and strangely under written by a slew of talented writers, I can only wonder what was the appeal to its cast and star director Jon Favreau. Granted there are a decent number of elements that COULD be interesting, none of it is ever put to good use.

Furthermore most of the actors are bored and boring to watch. Daniel Craig seems to have only about eight pages of actual dialogue. Harrison Ford is just a little too soft to attempt to play an asshole oil man turned good guy (Kurt Russell would've been better). And Olivia Wilde generally just asks questions, stares and looks pretty.

Not too surprisingly 'Twilight' still can't quite avoid being terrible. Even with Oscar nominated director Bill Condon 'Breaking Dawn' is still riddled with characters simply doing stupid things. Worse yet is it's slightly more boring than the previous installment as there are full sequences in which were simply 'soundtrack fills' and a lot of the bigger scenes are extended to sometimes unbearable lengths.

If there's one thing I can give it, it's that at times SOME forms of the acting have improved. Possibly due to Condon's slightly B-movie take on it all, but there are still far too many laugh inducing sequences of 'drama' and generally logistical ridiculousness.

'Another Earth' suffers from far too many indie film issues to count. But it is the film's pretension, overly student direction and poor writing that ultimately kill what is meant to be (as if they don't try to drill it into your skull the whole time anyway)an emotional tale about a pretty girl that makes a mistake and ruins both her life and that of another man.

I wish I didn't have to break it down that simply, but alas the film does little to show why I shouldn't. Honestly it was a frustratingly predictable and shapeless indie drama attempting to disguise itself as a intimate science fiction drama. Garth Edwards' 'Monsters' and Duncan Jones' 'Moon' got it right.

Had this been a video game it would COMPLETELY work. The soulless action derivative dialogue, long action sequences in areas that all kind of look alike... the whole nine. But it's a movie and as a movie 'Battle L.A.' is boring, noisy, chalked full of uninspired 'discussions' (mainly centered around someone yelling 'GO!') and has maybe the most unimaginative aliens in film history. (Spoiler alert: they're stick figures with guns... and I'm not joking about that.)

A potent mix of boring characters, awful conversations, amazingly poor action sequences and an overall stupid goddamn set up. In short Taylor Lautner has a long road ahead of him before he can become an action star.

THIS is the example I use when I talk about what's wrong with the films they make for kids. Uninspired fluff devoid of everything, including any form of entertainment.

There are moments where 'Jack and Jill' MIGHT be onto something funny. Scenes that are cleverly acted out and delivered. However other than those probably two or three moments it's racist, completely idiotic in the worst kinds of ways and dear lord does it feel like a long movie.

'Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star' wasn't even quite this terrible. It almost seems like Sandler is attempting to make sure that no one can make a worse comedy under his Happy Madison banner. (Also you could tie this with "Just Go With It", his romantic comedy from February which was equally painful to watch.)

Make it through the first ten minutes without cringing. Go on, I dare you.

Who is this movie geared towards? The best guess myself or any of my friends had was that it's for preppy girls whose sole fear in life is someone pretending to be just like you. Despite the obvious fact that most hang out with girls that all look, sound and act pretty much alike anyway.

Honestly I thought I'd find a film that annoyed me more this year, but as much as the other nine fucked up my mood ('Another Earth' did a great job of that) , 'The Roommate' is just so goddamn stupid. Scenes are acted out with less than High School drama department quality. The photography is often times so unbelievably dark during normal settings that you wonder how these people aren't walking around with flashlights the whole time. And don't even get me started on the completely fucking horrendous writing.

'The Roommate' is a joke. The entire 80 minutes, just one long, boring, straight faced, unfunny joke about the paranoia of pretty girls. Shit like this ought to have just been a dollar store paperback novel. Or fuck, a creative essay written by a high schooler.