Boys with blades

Highlander (TV)



The Sword: One that must be carried at all times so that Duncan can defend himself against others like him that would like to take that appealing immortality by severing his head. There can be only one, after all.

The Pen: Time. Who wants to live forever?

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves



The Sword: Several of them actually, and from Spanish forges. The Sheriff of Nottingham has got an army behind him and Clive Gisborn at his side...all ready to usurp the throne.

The Pen: Yup...the fair maiden again, this time of semi-royal blood. And of course, the merry band of outlaws that come to save her and England.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand (TV)



The Sword: Probably pretty damn covered in blood, given the amount of blood that spurts out of every minor woulnd inflicted upon any part of any body in this show. Can we really complain when they make up for a lack of reality with a body like that?

The Pen: It was his wife. Then his best friend. Now...well. Nothing.

The Mask of Zorro
The Legend of Zorro



The Sword: Thin, light, made in Toledo (that's Toledo, Spain...not Ohio) and used frequently to mark the last letter of the alphabet into, well...everything.
Z!

The Pen: An alterego with a wife and child. Kind of kills the Zorro vibe when you've got an infant in the side saddle and a childproof stopper on your sword.

Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Conqueror



The Sword: A big one...made for a bodybuilder who barely speaks English and wants to achieve titles like "Barbarian" and "Conqueror" by beating people down in the desert.

The Pen: The possibility of a political career. Can we still call him "The Conqueror" though?

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian



The Sword: One prophesied to be in his hands in his battle to help save a land that he thought was only a fairly tale.

The Pen: His background. He's technically the prince of the greatest threat in all of Narnia. Who trusts that?

Troy



The Sword: Achilles, a debatable demi-god and not so debatable adonis, pretty much turns any weapon in his hands into death for whoever happens to be in his path.

The Pen: His infamous heel...and a few other vital organs that just happen to be pierced by arrows. (If this is a spoiler for you, read the damn Iliad!!!)

The Princess Bride



The Sword: Well used and well trained by the Dread Pirate Roberts in order to become the Dread Pirate Roberts. (Are you following me?) Westley is ambidextrious, immune to poison, and hard-traveled.

The Pen: The Princess Buttercup, who trained him properly (As you wish), and the stole his heart right out of his chest...and pushed him down a mountain.

Equilibrium



The Sword: Not quite as lethal as the two pistols he carries with him, or the extra rounds of ammunition hidden inside each sleeve...or the art of Guntaka which trains this Cleric how to enter a room and kill everyone in it without even changing positions, but hey. The sword does a wonderful job against a room full of underlings, and make a VERY quick job of Taye Diggs. It's almost comical!

The Pen: His partner's girl...and a broken capsule of anti-emotion.

King Arthur



The Sword: Excalibur again. He's King Arthur. Younger this time and struggling to make sense of a Rome that would abandon its subjects. Excalibur was not recieved magically from a lady in a lake or pulled from a stone, but pulled from a grave in order to save his "savage" English mother.

The Pen: Surprisingly, not Guinevere. She's pretty kick-ass herself in this one. King Arthur's final pen? His love of the people he grew up defending in England.

The New World



The Sword: English. Used to cut down hoards of Native Americans and impress one female in particular who ends up saving his life.

The Pen: Pocahontas, but not for long. Wanderlust gets him in the end.

Legend of the Seeker (TV)



The Sword: The Sword of Truth, that can only be given to the one that the great wizard names the Seeker. (Couldn't have named a better looking Seeker if he tried though!)

The Pen: Yet another fair maiden...and he follows her knowing that if he has sex with her, he loses all free will. Is this one whipped or what?

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets



The Sword: Gryffindor's trademark. Goblin made and capable of appearing to anyone who proves themselves to be a loyal and true Gryffindor.

The Pen: An 11 year old red head. Who knew that years later he'd end up marrying that trouble maker? It's always the gingers that cause all the trouble!

Machete



The Sword: I don't see a sword there, but that is about the only blade that isn't present. This guy deserves a place of honor just for being able to walk with that amount of metal strapped to him!

The Pen: Haven't seen this one yet. Something tells me there's not going to be too many pens in this guys life though!

Dragonheart



The Sword: is sworn to value, knows only virtue, defends the helpless, upholds the weak, speaks only truth, and undoes the wicked...or so I've been told.

The Pen: A prince that was sadly corrupted long before the knight got his hands on him, and a dragon who gave the same prince half his heart.

The Book of Eli



The Sword: More of a machete really, but very effective in eliminating henchmen when wielded by the right blind guy.

The Pen: The Bible. Yeah, blah blah blah religious statement...

The Scorpion King



The Sword: Accompanied by a very well aimed bow and the muscle of the last Akkadian--pretty much born and bred to fight.

The Pen: It seems the Akkadians had a weakness for fortune telling Asian women. Hmmm.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy



The Sword: A Hobbit sized one, elf-made to glow blue whenever there are orcs nearby.

The Pen: A ring actually. One that proves particularly pesky throughout the trilogy and causes Frodo the loss of a perfectly good finger in the end.

Troy



The sword: Hector is the eldest son, the leader of Troy's armies, and the brother in line to inherit the throne just as long as the inpenatrable walls of the city hold.

The Pen: One immature, weak younger sibling who is ruled by his hormones, and the fatal mistake of taking out Achilles's cousin.

Eragon



The Sword: The dishonored weapon of a father turned traitor. Murtagh is the son who wants to gain redemption for the sins of the father.

The Pen: His lack of a dragon. Forget the other kid, if HE had a dragon, he'd kick some John Malcovich butt!

Hannibal Rising



The Sword: An authentic Japanese weapon descended through Hannibal's aunt's family, and very well kept out of respect and tradition. Sharp enough to gut a Vichy, I suppose.

The Pen: His own dark past, and the quest to discover those who murdered his parents, and ate his baby sister. Ah yes...and those tasty human sweet meats.

300



The Sword: 300 Spartan ones, all led by King Leonidas the abtacular. Together, they take down half the Persian army, and make our beautiful Brazilian/Persian leader see blood before they perish.

The Pen: Spartan beaurocracy. Proof that one drugged out, floating naked girl should not decide the fate of a nation. And there was the question of a cloud of arrows that blocked out the sky. That might have been a weak point as well.

The Count of Monte Cristo



The Sword: Fernand Mondego is the kind of ruthless that betrays the trust of a childhood best friend, sending him to prison for life, stealing his fiance, and claiming his best friend's son as his own . And if that weren't enough, how about a little duel to the death when his friend appears again out of the blue?

The Pen: His faithful best friend, back from the dead with a new name, a new mansion, and a LOT of new money, but the same old well plotted desire for revenge.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom



The Sword: Not that useful compared to his infamous whip, but surprisingly effective when cutting bridges.

The pen: Snakes, Nazis, beautiful women, and Scottish accented fathers...pretty much the same things as James Bond, come to think of it!

A Knight's Tale



The Sword: William Thatcher charges through the entire film like a knight...even though he isn't exatly one of them. He jousts and duels his way into the sights of the prince.

The Pen: His not so noble lineage, which eventually draws the attention of the reigning chamion. And the fair maiden. there's always a fair maiden.

The Tudors (TV)



The Sword: Loyal to his friend, Henry, who just happens to be king of England.

The Pen: Anything with breasts.

King Arthur



The Sword: Used since he was a child forced into service for Rome. Now it protects only those fellow comrades and the citizens that he has come to love.

The Pen: A Saxon hoard and a reluctant need to stay and help his friends.

Prince of Persia



The Sword:Prince Dastan, just like his video game doppelganger, sports two blades, hops from building to building like he's out jogging in the park, and just happens to possess a dagger that can turn back time.

The Pen: What else? A beautiful princess willing to give her life to retrieve the dagger safely to the safety of a temple. Prince Dastan follows her like a puppy.

Outlander



The Sword: So far I can only tell you that it can't be light.

The Pen: It's on my to-watch list. I'll tell you about the pen then.

Tristan & Isolde



The Sword: Ready to come to the aid of his king or any damsel in distress at any time.

The Pen: The king's wife. He saw her first!

The Sword: Dedicated in its entirety to fighting for his emperor and master, Alexander the Great.

The Pen: Certain...other feelings toward his emperor and master.

Hero



The Sword: Possibly the most difficult one to earn, considering that amount of amazing fighters that he had to beat in order to get to the end of this journey. Certainly the most beautifully choreographed of all of our swordsmen.

The Pen: His last minute desire to unite all of China. And yet another flood of arrows.

The Tudors (TV)



The Sword: really just for show. This king's got so many guards it's comical. It's possible that he occasionally uses it to cut off one of his wives' heads?

The Pen: That damn Catholic church. Preventing divorces for 2,000 years!

Pirates of the Caribbean 1,2,3



The Sword: Not really important in the scheme of things. The gun with only one bullet is much more important. And the hat. Never forget the hat.

The Pen: It started of as revenge for mutiny, turned into a dead man's heart, and finally became...a whole bunch of crabs?

Rob Roy



The Sword: Mr. MacGregor honestly tried to go about things the honest way, but faced with such and unfair opposition, he has no choice but to take to the way of the rebel with the rest of his clan!

The Pen: Possibly one of the most despised villains in the movies...Tim Roth, who steals Rob Roy's money, burns down his home, rapes his wife, attacks members of his clan, and does it all without showing one single visible emotion. Wow.

The Princess Bride



The Sword: His name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed his father. Prepare to die.

The Pen: A six fingered man.

Braveheart



The Sword: A broadsword roughly the size of William Wallace himself. Don't worry. He'll carry into many a triumphant battle, march on England, and get disembowelled, BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE...HIS BROADSWORD!!!!!

The Pen: An overactive trust in self serving politicians such as Mr. the Bruce.

Underworld
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans



The Sword: Lucien's got years of the practiced strength of a slave to add to the power behind that sword, not to mention the fact that he turned into an unstoppable beast capable of killing even the immortal whenever the moon is full.

The Pen; Well, she's not exactly a fair maiden, given that she could most likely kick all of our arses in a fight and then suck us dry, but it's as close to a maiden as he's going to get. Age old story...his in-laws get him in the end.

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves



The Sword: A very large one of Moorish design, that this Moor knows how to use well. He uses it to fulfill his vow to save the life of the one who saved his in the Holy Land.

The Pen: Prayer time. And the witch that the sheriff keeps in his closet.

Kingdom of Heaven



The Sword: Given to him along with a title and lands in the Holy Land by a father he barely knew. It ends up being used against and entire army to defend the city of Jeruslem.

The Pen: Honor. Half-honor actually. The entire battle in the end could have been avoided if he just would have agreed to marry the girl he'd already bedded.

First Knight



The Sword: One wielded without a care in the world as to whether or not its carrier will die. Lancelot fights for no one and attaches himself to no one. For this reason he's the best fighter out there.

The Pen: Going with the legends again. Guinevere--the fair maiden who starts him down the road to normal human emotion.

The Mission



The Sword: One that was used to kill his own brother and enslave natives in South America during the "colonization." One turned from evil by a native man and turned toward defending a tribe against the invading Portuguese.

The Pen: The Portuguese army is unfortunately much larger than an army of one.

Hook



The Sword: One that Peter discarded long ago when he abandoned Neverneverland. One that it took a great deal of painful falling scenes to earn back.

The Pen: His own hormones--the ones that made him go back on his promise and grow up...and the ones that made him lust after Wendy's granddaughter in the first place.

Gladiator



The Sword: It starts off as the sword of a war hardened general, turns into the wooden training sword of a gladiator, and ends up as a metal sword again plunged into an emperor who sorely deserves it.

The Pen: Wrath. Well derserved wrath, but a deadly sin all the same.

X-men Origens: Wolverine



The Sword: Technically, the guy has two of them, but...swords? What swords? He moves so fast a barely noticed them.

The Pen: An elite group of privatized soldiers intent on creating a combination of the best mutants and using them as the ultimate weapon. Abtacular ultimate weapon...sadly without a sword.

Clash of the Titans



The Sword: Worn and short, but carried by a son of Zeus who is bent on the task of preventing a fight between two of the three dieties (Who just happen to NOT be Titans)

The Pen: Well, if we take the myths seriously, his own great,great, great...to the nth degree grandmother. Anyone who studied mythology and watched Persius and Io get together at the end of this one crigned a little...or a lot.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy



The Sword: Another Hobbit sized one. Nothing special about this mini-sword, but its owner carries Frodo through pretty much the entire movie. Pretty sure they should have given the ring to him to begin with.

The Pen: His master, Mr. Frodo. He'd go to the pits of Mordor, fight a giant age old spider, and tolerate the most annoying naked guy ever for that hobbit.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy



The Sword: One of the famed blades of Gondor, from the most loved son of the steward of the throne of the same city. This sword cuts down over a dozen orcs before the arrows find their way through and put an end to Boromir's last stand. The weapon ends up in a funeral boat with the fallen hero.

The Pen: And Boromir becomes the first of the Fellowship to fall under the power of the ring. Don't worry. His brother makes up for it.

First Knight



The Sword: Excalibur. He's King Arthur!

The Pen: Playing on the legends...Lady Guinevere.

House of Flying Daggers



The Sword: Unfortunately rather useless against a secret society of dagger wielding beauties who blend in to their surroundings perfectly and dance from pole to pole like they're flying.

The Pen: A not so blind member of the same society whose heart seems to be just as cold as the blades she throws so well.