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Decade: Rating: List Type:
Holmes & Watson (2018)
Notes: To be honest, I have to admit that some of the jokes were actually fairly clever and some others were so stupid that they turned out to be actually quite funny. Unfortunately, pretty much everything else in this movie was just terribly dreadful, I’m afraid. The first issue was that the whole concept was misguided from the very start. Indeed, during the last 10 years, there has been an overdose of Sherlock Holmes adaptations (according to IMDb, this was already the seventh iteration). As a result, it means that the genre has already become a parody of itself (see for example Guy Ritchie’s version), so, there was definitely no need to make such a parody which was just seriously redundant and felt like beating a dead horse. On top of that, even though it was maybe fun at first, the whole gimmick of Will Ferrell playing some arrogant idiot has outstayed its wecolme a long time ago, I’m afraid. Eventually, what you get was a Holmes who would say something impossibly clever and then, 10 seconds later, something incredibly stupid so the character was never really consistent. And the fact that everyone around him thought that he was brilliant for no apparent reason made it even more cringe-inducing to behold.
Notes: Unfortunately, Stallone has never been one of the greatest actors in the world but, when he gets involved in such obvious paycheck gigs, well, he is pretty much unwatchable, I’m afraid. At least, even if the promotional material might make you think otherwise, he was involved only in a few scenes though. Anyway, Stallone was not even the biggest problem in this movie since pretty much nothing worked in this flick. Seriously, the intro was just so weak that I was actually glad when they finally started to shoot at each other. Concerning the cast, well you had two famous actors (Sylvester Stallone and Matthew Modine) who both delivered some of their worst performances and a cast made of unknown or rather obscure actors who were was just as weak. Basically, it is the kind of movies in which every small or even slightly bigger female characters was played by some cute random but always talent less actress. Seriously, even the girl reading the news was not convincing whatsoever. Concerning the story, well, it managed to be rather generic but also far-fetched at the same time but it was definitely never entertaining whatsoever. Eventually, when you think about it, you might wonder who was actually the main character (simple, there was none) and the way they actually sided with Modine’s character at the end was just ludicrous.
Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Notes: Sure, I didn‘t expect the damned thing to be a masterpiece but the previous instalment was not bad and the concept had some potential. Indeed, movies dealing with prison breaks can be seriously entertaining, at least, when they are well made but it was definitely not the case here. Seriously, the opening scene was just so poorly shot and edited, it was some kind of mix of shaky cam with way too many quick cuts and the end-result was pretty much unwatchable. Then, a major appeal with ‘Escape Plan’ was obviously to see Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger finally working together (‘The Expendables’ doesn’t count because it was more a group effort and Schwarzenegger never played a major character in this franchise). Unfortunately, Schwarzenegger didn‘t show up this time around (probably a smart move from the Austrian Oak though) and, if you would believe the promotional material, he was apparently replaced by Dave Bautista which wasn‘t necessarily some bad news. However, it turned out that Bautista had a rather small part after all and showed up only for a couple of scenes. The bewildering thing is that it was actually the case for almost all the actors involved (Bautista, 50 Cent, Jaime King and even Stallone himself) as all of them showed up sporadically and usually for some rather meaningless scenes. Concerning the story itself, I have to admit that I have a weak spot for prison break movies but it was probably the most idiotic movie I have seen in this genre. Seriously, the whole thing looked so fake and pretty much nothing really made sense (How did they end up there? Why on Earth did they have to fight each other? What was supposed to be so great about this ‘sanctuary’?). At least, Xiaoming Huang was a badass martial-artist but it was pretty much the only positive thing about this cheap-ass sequel.
London Fields (2018)
Notes: Following the mess during the production of this movie, I wasn’t expecting much but, after being stuck for years in development hell, they still apparently managed to release this movie after all so I have to admit that I was still curious about the damned result. Well, unfortunately, the damned thing turned out to be pretty weak, I’m afraid. Eventually, the only positive thing about this flick was that it did provide some kind of (unintentional) metaphor about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Indeed, Heard was basically playing a gorgeous but eventually rather vapid and talentless girl whose only skill was to manipulate all the men around her. Concerning Depp, the once very talented actor was once again playing another character hiding being some massive layer of hideous makeup and some rather eccentric costumes meaning the guy didn’t really have to act at all. Eventually, they both played some rather ugly and destructive individuals who didn’t care much if their reckless behaviour had any impact on the people around them which had a rather hairy resemblance with how they seem to be for real. Anyway, they were not even the worst character/actor in this dreadful movie. Indeed, Jim Sturgess was indeed just awful delivering one of his worst performances so far. It was not all, there was also a narrator played Billy Bob Thornton who was stuck playing a talentless washed-up writer which is such an old and tired gimmick. Basically, the whole thing was filled with some seriously unlikeable and really uninteresting characters stuck into a very convoluted and rather tedious tale.
Fifty Shades Freed (2018)
Notes: At least, I think we should praise the producers for not splitting this final instalment into 2 entries as it is such an annoying gimmick (for example, it pretty much ruined ‘The Hunger Games’ franchise for me). However, I’m afraid it was pretty much the only positive thing I could find regarding this flick. Alright, I have to admit that watching Dakota Johnson wearing as little as possible clothes on was not bad either but the rest of this movie was still seriously worthless. Basically, when the movie starts, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey got married which was hardly surprising and, even though they had more sex than in the 2 previous movies combined, they were still the most boring couple I have ever seen. Seriously, they both had barely any personality whatsoever and, after spending 3 movies with them, they had become borderline cringe-inducing to behold. Eventually, the makers struggled through the whole duration to find any conflict to rock this relationship and, as a viewer, you just wait for almost 2 hours to finally see something happening to them. Eventually, this whole franchise was a big waste as it could have been an interesting introduction to the BDSM lifestyle to the mainstream audience. Instead, what remains is a very flat and tedious romantic tale about 2 boring individuals who pretend to have some kinky sex.
The 15:17 to Paris (2018)
Notes: After 'American Sniper' and 'Sully', Eastwood decided for the 3rd time in a row to tell another true tale about some other American heroes but, unfortunately, it turned out to be so terribly weak and not much better than the garbage you can see on the Lifetime channel. I mean, the first scenes dealing with the main characters when they were kids were not bad but they still didn't reach the level of something like 'Stand by Me'. Then, the actual guys who were involved during these events actually played themselves which wasn't a bad idea and I don't think they did such a terribly bad job but the whole thing started to become rather abysmal at this point. Basically, they gave us a whole bunch of meaningless scenes with no entertaining or informative value and it seems, since the tragic event in the train would last only 15 mins, that they had to fill in the running time with something. The worst part was definitely when these guys went backpacking in Europe. Seriously, it felt like watching 'The Real World' from MTV or some other crappy reality TV program. At least, the scenes in the train did work but everything else was just so tedious and rather poorly put together.
Notes: It turned out to be indeed seriously weak but it's not that it was really bad, it's just that it was so generic and predictable. In fact, the only thing that seemed remotely interesting to me were those 5 years during which the main character had disappeared and during which she turned herself into a lethal killing machine. Instead, you get the period before during which she was a rather average mother and the period after during which she was killing some thugs pretty much non-stop but both periods were pretty tedious, I'm afraid. To be honest, it was in fact some pretty lazy ass writing. I mean, how did she get such skills with absolutely no knowledge and no connections whatsoever? Anyway, I can understand that, after spending most of her career playing in some romantic-comedies and some family features, Jennifer Garner would be attracted by such an action movie and I don't think she was really so bad. It's a pity though that she chose to show up in some kind of NRA-sponsored vigilante fantasy during which, if you give a sh*tload of guns to the right person, a lot of bad guys will be executed.
The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)
Notes: In 2018, Netflix pulled off with this movie the biggest marketing stunt of the year. Indeed, during the Super Bowl, they finally released the first trailer but, above all, they announced that the movie would be directly available after the game which was something obviously never done before. Seriously, it was a genius move because it turned a rather weak feature into one of the most talked about movies over the year. Unfortunately, the day after this marketing stunt, pretty much everyone was universally complaining how lame this flick actually was and, indeed, it turned out to be pretty weak. I mean, they had the best cast ever seen in a Cloverfield feature (Gugu Mbatha-Raw, David Oyelowo, Daniel Brühl, Ziyi Zhang, Elizabeth Debicki) and the concept actually had some potential if it would have been properly developed. Basically, even though it could have been a thought provoking SF flick, it was just very lazily written giving us a succession of rather generic supposedly scary scenes. Some of them were not bad (like the one when they discover Elizabeth Debicki's character) but there was not one moment when any of the character said and did anything remotely interesting regarding the events they had to face. It was also really weak to add some crazy conspiracy theorist predicting exactly what would happen later on. At least, with 'Cloverfield' and '10 Cloverfield Lane', they left the viewers in the dark which was much more effective.
Notes: Unfortunately, I was amazed by how the underwhelming the damned thing turned out to be. Indeed, while 'Moon' was pretty much a flawless minimalistic science-fiction masterpiece, this movie was actually the opposite as it was seriously over ambitious and filled up with some poorly developed characters and a rather half-baked story with too much going on. Eventually, what bothered me the most were all these countless pointless scenes. I mean, for example, at some point the main character had to go to the library searching for the Berlin yellow pages books so he could find a phone number. Seriously, it is the freaking future, why didn't he look it up on the Internet? Of course, you could argue that it was what an Amish would do but he already used a smartphone and other modern devices during the movie. Finally, it wasn't a strong story but I don't feel like going into details explaining why.
A Wrinkle in Time (2018)
Notes: Even though this movie turned out to be a massive critical and commercial flop, I was still curious to see if it was really so bad. Well, I have to agree that the damned thing was indeed pretty weak. Basically, it was supposed to be some kind of cute, whimsical and perhaps even inspiring tale but it just never worked. Indeed, it turned out to be basically a mix of really random and weird scenes. To make things worse, most of the dialogues was filled with some incomprehensible mambo-jambo involving some Camazotz, some tesseract and three mysterious misses who really came from nowhere. Seriously, after 15 minutes, I pretty much gave up trying to understand what the hell was going on and I hope the book made more sense. At least, I hoped it would be visually appealing and the first scenes were promising but, even in this area, it was still a failure and it has been a while since I have seen such an underwhelming overdose of CGI. At least, Storm Reid had some charisma and displayed some potential in spite of this poor material. But, above all, I felt bad for Ava DuVernay. Indeed, it was such a historical event that a black woman had the opportunity to direct such a big budget feature but she completely failed and I really hope she got another chance in the future since she is so talented.
These are the worst movies I have seen which came out in 2018.
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