Top 10 worst movies 2018

Notes: Unfortunately, Stallone has never been one of the greatest actors in the world but, when he gets involved in such obvious paycheck gigs, well, he is pretty much unwatchable, I’m afraid. At least, even if the promotional material might make you think otherwise, he was involved only in a few scenes though. Anyway, Stallone was not even the biggest problem in this movie since pretty much nothing worked in this flick. Seriously, the intro was just so weak that I was actually glad when they finally started to shoot at each other. Concerning the cast, well you had two famous actors (Sylvester Stallone and Matthew Modine) who both delivered some of their worst performances and a cast made of unknown or rather obscure actors who were was just as weak. Basically, it is the kind of movies in which every small or even slightly bigger female characters was played by some cute random but always talentless actress. Seriously, even the girl reading the news was not convincing whatsoever. Concerning the story, well, it managed to be rather generic but also far-fetched at the same time but it was definitely never entertaining whatsoever. Eventually, when you think about it, you might wonder who was actually the main character (simple, there was none) and the way they actually sided with Modine’s character at the end was just ludicrous.

Notes: Sure, I didn‘t expect the damned thing to be a masterpiece but the previous instalment was not bad and the concept had some potential. Indeed, movies dealing with prison breaks can be seriously entertaining, at least, when they are well made but it was definitely not the case here. Seriously, the opening scene was just so poorly shot and edited, it was some kind of mix of shaky cam with way too many quick cuts and the end-result was pretty much unwatchable. Then, a major appeal with ‘Escape Plan’ was obviously to see Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger finally working together (‘The Expendables’ doesn’t count because it was more a group effort and Schwarzenegger never played a major character in this franchise). Unfortunately, Schwarzenegger didn‘t show up this time around (probably a smart move from the Austrian Oak though) and, if you would believe the promotional material, he was apparently replaced by Dave Bautista which wasn‘t necessarily some bad news. However, it turned out that Bautista had a rather small part after all and showed up only for a couple of scenes. The bewildering thing is that it was actually the case for almost all the actors involved (Bautista, 50 Cent, Jaime King and even Stallone himself) as all of them showed up sporadically and usually for some rather meaningless scenes. Concerning the story itself, I have to admit that I have a weak spot for prison break movies but it was probably the most idiotic movie I have seen in this genre. Seriously, the whole thing looked so fake and pretty much nothing really made sense (How did they end up there? Why on Earth did they have to fight each other? What was supposed to be so great about this ‘sanctuary’?). At least, Xiaoming Huang was a badass martial-artist but it was pretty much the only positive thing about this cheap-ass sequel.

Notes: For once, Bruce Willis didn’t show up for an awful cheap-ass action flick, this time, he got involved with an awful Chinese propaganda war film but, to be honest, the end-result wasn’t much better, I’m afraid. It’s too bad because the story of what happened in Chongqing during WWII was actually interesting but the whole approach was actually so misguided. Indeed, they gave us so many characters, all seriously underwhelming, and they were all involved in some random tedious sub-plots. At least, Bruce Willis did show up for more scenes than he usually do in his direct-to-VOD work but his performance was still pretty pathetic though. On the other hand, you might wonder why they did put Adrien Brody on the poster since he had only a couple of scenes. Maybe it had to with the fact that the original cut ran over 5 hours so many storylines were probably drastically shortened in the process (Bingbing Fan for example did end up with only with 9 seconds of screentime with a completely random scene at the beginning of this film). Anyway, it featured some of the least convincing and ugly CGI I have seen in a very long time and even the editing was borderline amateurish with no proper transition between many scenes. Basically, the whole thing was pretty much an unwatchable mess.

Notes: To be honest, I have to admit that some of the jokes were actually fairly clever and some others were so stupid that they turned out to be actually quite funny. Unfortunately, pretty much everything else in this movie was just terribly dreadful, I’m afraid. The first issue was that the whole concept was misguided from the very start. Indeed, during the last 10 years, there has been an overdose of Sherlock Holmes adaptations (according to IMDb, this was already the seventh iteration). As a result, it means that the genre has already become a parody of itself (see for example Guy Ritchie’s version), so, there was definitely no need to make such a parody which was just seriously redundant and felt like beating a dead horse. On top of that, even though it was maybe fun at first, the whole gimmick of Will Ferrell playing some arrogant idiot has outstayed its wecolme a long time ago, I’m afraid. Eventually, what you get was a Holmes who would say something impossibly clever and then, 10 seconds later, something incredibly stupid so the character was never really consistent. And the fact that everyone around him thought that he was brilliant for no apparent reason made it even more cringe-inducing to behold.

Notes: I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie which so didn’t deserve at all to start with the words ‘based on true events’. Sure, millions of women in the US and in the rest of the world are victims of this awful business but it was basically the only true thing about this movie. Indeed, everything was completely made up and it obviously never happened that some journalist discovered a trafficking ring completely by accident, actually became an actual victim of this traffickers and managed to have the whole thing shut down, all this within only a couple of hours. Seriously, it would be like claiming that ‘Seven’ is actually based on true events because serial killers do actually exist. Anyway, even if the ‘based on true events’ claim was completely bogus, it wasn’t even the biggest problem with this movie. Indeed, the damned thing was just so slow, it took forever to finally get the plot started and everything happening before was just seriously tedious. Furthermore, even if Paula Patton was charming as usual, in spite of all her efforts, I never cared about her character and her group of friends was even worse.

Notes: Following the mess during the production of this movie, I wasn’t expecting much but, after being stuck for years in development hell, they still apparently managed to release this movie after all so I have to admit that I was still curious about the damned result. Well, unfortunately, the damned thing turned out to be pretty weak, I’m afraid. Eventually, the only positive thing about this flick was that it did provide some kind of (unintentional) metaphor about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Indeed, Heard was basically playing a gorgeous but eventually rather vapid and talentless girl whose only skill was to manipulate all the men around her. Concerning Depp, the once very talented actor was once again playing another character hiding being some massive layer of hideous makeup and some rather eccentric costumes meaning the guy didn’t really have to act at all. Eventually, they both played some rather ugly and destructive individuals who didn’t care much if their reckless behaviour had any impact on the people around them which had a rather hairy resemblance with how they seem to be for real. Anyway, they were not even the worst character/actor in this dreadful movie. Indeed, Jim Sturgess was indeed just awful delivering one of his worst performances so far. It was not all, there was also a narrator played Billy Bob Thornton who was stuck playing a talentless washed-up writer which is such an old and tired gimmick. Basically, the whole thing was filled with some seriously unlikeable and really uninteresting characters stuck into a very convoluted and rather tedious tale.

Notes: At least, I think we should praise the producers for not splitting this final instalment into 2 entries as it is such an annoying gimmick (for example, it pretty much ruined ‘The Hunger Games’ franchise for me). However, I’m afraid it was pretty much the only positive thing I could find regarding this flick. Alright, I have to admit that watching Dakota Johnson wearing as little as possible clothes on was not bad either but the rest of this movie was still seriously worthless. Basically, when the movie starts, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey got married which was hardly surprising and, even though they had more sex than in the 2 previous movies combined, they were still the most boring couple I have ever seen. Seriously, they both had barely any personality whatsoever and, after spending 3 movies with them, they had become borderline cringe-inducing to behold. Eventually, the makers struggled through the whole duration to find any conflict to rock this relationship and, as a viewer, you just wait for almost 2 hours to finally see something happening to them. Eventually, this whole franchise was a big waste as it could have been an interesting introduction to the BDSM lifestyle to the mainstream audience. Instead, what remains is a very flat and tedious romantic tale about 2 boring individuals who pretend to have some kinky sex.

Notes: After 'American Sniper' and 'Sully', Eastwood decided for the 3rd time in a row to tell another true tale about some other American heroes but, unfortunately, it turned out to be so terribly weak and not much better than the garbage you can see on the Lifetime channel. I mean, the first scenes dealing with the main characters when they were kids were not bad but they still didn't reach the level of something like 'Stand by Me'. Then, the actual guys who were involved during these events actually played themselves which wasn't a bad idea and I don't think they did such a terribly bad job but the whole thing started to become rather abysmal at this point. Basically, they gave us a whole bunch of meaningless scenes with no entertaining or informative value and it seems, since the tragic event in the train would last only 15 mins, that they had to fill in the running time with something. The worst part was definitely when these guys went backpacking in Europe. Seriously, it felt like watching 'The Real World' from MTV or some other crappy reality TV program. At least, the scenes in the train did work but everything else was just so tedious and rather poorly put together.

Notes: I have to admit that once again the animation was not bad at all and, at least, it was not much worse than its predecessor but, to be honest, it was pretty much the only positive things I could think of regarding this movie. Indeed, it was already pretty random to make a version of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ starring some garden gnomes and adding Sherlock Holmes to the mix certainly made the whole thing even more scattered. At least, the detective angle was refreshing but, unfortunately, they came up with a story which managed to be seriously derivative but also too convoluted at the same time. Eventually, I felt mostly sad about Johnny Depp, who was actually the main reason why I wanted to check this flick. Indeed, if the best gig you can get is to do some voice-over work for the sequel of a 2nd rate animated franchise, then you should know that your career is in trouble.

Notes: It turned out to be indeed seriously weak but it's not that it was really bad, it's just that it was so generic and predictable. In fact, the only thing that seemed remotely interesting to me were those 5 years during which the main character had disappeared and during which she turned herself into a lethal killing machine. Instead, you get the period before during which she was a rather average mother and the period after during which she was killing some thugs pretty much non-stop but both periods were pretty tedious, I'm afraid. To be honest, it was in fact some pretty lazy ass writing. I mean, how did she get such skills with absolutely no knowledge and no connections whatsoever? Anyway, I can understand that, after spending most of her career playing in some romantic-comedies and some family features, Jennifer Garner would be attracted by such an action movie and I don't think she was really so bad. It's a pity though that she chose to show up in some kind of NRA-sponsored vigilante fantasy during which, if you give a sh*tload of guns to the right person, a lot of bad guys will be executed.