The Letdown: Film

Okay, now listen this may be a little nitpicking to some, but this is one of the worst examples of "shaky cam" that I have ever seen! (Besides Cloverfeild of course!) I actually got a headache in the movie theater. Why a film of this caliber would resort to this cheap gimmick during action scenes is beyond me. Overall, this movie is excellent don't get me wrong, just lose the fucking shaky cam.

Wasn't this one of the most wanted sequels since...well, I don't know. Wall Street? Anyways, we finally get an update on the "raining blood from the sky" brothers. Was it cool to see them again, yes. Did the formula implemented in the first film update well, not so much in my opinion. Still it is a must see for die hard fans of the first film and gratitous violence. I guess that my overall letdown of the film would be that the story feels just a little rehashed.

Thanks to Drabrire for the suggestion.

It won't take a hedge fund manager to tell you that this film would basically gave Disney a license to print it's own money. Fuck the quality, just worry about the returns. This film wasn't what it should have been. It let such a bad artistic taste in two other stars' mouth that they declined to come back for a fourth installment. This should have been a closing to one amazing franchise, but what we are stuck with is Jack Sparrow "trippin' balls."

Some may call this the worst entry in the X-Men franchise, but I have to humbly disagree with them...there all terrible! 20th Century FOX treated comic fans like imbeciles. This franchise ended on such a low note that a reboot was needed. And don't even get me to mention the mind numbingly horrid X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I refuse to fall into the thinking that "oh, it's just a comic book movie, so don't get your hopes up." I despise that way of thinking. Please, let's all abandon this way of thinking when discussing the comic to film conversion.

After the pure awesomeness that was Batman Begins Warner Bros. tried with it's other franchise superhero...and fails. Superman is the biggest asshole in recent superhero history. Why? You already know...he abandons his kid. Plain and simple. Stalks Lois and pretty much doesn't have got a fucking clue that his seed will grow up despising him. He basically tells his alien half breed son, "I know that you are going to have a tough time growing up, but good luck with that. Lois never showed me a paternity test! She can't prove shit!"
Besides my aforementioned comments, Superman Returns is pretty much just very drab. It isn't enough to hold to many peoples' attention.

Two world class actors and we are treated to this shite. I almost feel like I knew that this was going to be a sub-par film. I cannot put my finger on why, but for some reason, I just knew it. Something about the trailer just looked off. You guys know what I mean. Right?

The Wachowski Bros. play the role of producers this time around, and it still fails! These guys just can't seem to catch a break after disappointing all of there fan base with the sequels of The Matrix. Everything about this film is cliched and tired. And once again, why is the fucking film so goddamned dark!

As a long time Simpsons fan, I was stoked for a film adaption. Instead it was utterly disappointed. It just felt like a long ass episode. In retrospect this almost would have never worked because no plot, in the Simpsons' universe, could possibly be stretched into film time. The Simpsons have been solving everything for the last 20 years in 30 minutes or less! Why should this plot take a whole hour? Makes sense though, the script was rewritten over one hundred times.

(Yes. You read that right. One hundred!)

Fail.

What was Peter Parker doing dancing in the street? Was it to show his evilness? Because we all know that pure evil dresses goth, loves jazz and slaps up his longtime girlfriend. If Sam Raimi wanted to kill this franchise, then

*bloop noise*

Achievement Unlocked: Killed Spider-Man Franchise, Reboot Needed

A brief reference from the American Dad episode "Bar Mitzvah Hustle" explains some of my dislike and utter disappointment of this film.

(Believe it or not I cannot locate the actual quote, but here is how it sort of went.)

Steve: Yeah, I have been preparing for this. I watched all of the Ocean's movies.

Roger: Even Twelve?

Steve: Yeah...

Roger: But it doesn't even work. Julia Roberts plays herself...it doesn't work in the context of the film.

Steve: ...I know...

Roger: ...And it isn't even done like a nod to the audience...

Steve: [louder]...I know!

We, as loyal film viewers, finally get to see the all out war the this film franchise has mentioned since The Terminator. And what do we get...McG neutering the franchise and making the central story all about some asshole named Marcus with John Connor playing second fiddle. Utter disappointment!

Oh, and that Moon Bloodgood nude scene, meh!

Personally, I am not crazy about Oliver Stone. It's either a hit or miss for me, but for some reason I had high hopes for Alexander. (Probably was due to the fact that I watched a couple of History Channel Bios about him.) Maybe some of the Unrated Extended Remixed Extreme Platinum Editions might chance my opinion, but as it stands this movie fails. It failed even more when after all of the negative reviews surfaced Oliver Stone went on the radio saying that anybody who didn't enjoy Alexander was a simpleton. Damn! Just admit that you made a bad film and stop insulting the same audience who you will need to go see your next movie!

I pains me to even type words these words about the franchise that could have been...What the fuck happened!