The Room - The Hollywood Remake

Character: Johnny
Played Originally By: Tommy Wiseau

Played Now By: Werner Herzog

There's not a single other man for the job. You've got the accent. You've got the general insanity. And you've got a man that will take the reins, writing, directing, and starring. From one triple-threat to another.

Character: Lisa
Played Originally By: Juliette Danielle

Played Now By:Rachel McAdams

She's young. She's blonde. She sure know her way around an unnecessarily bitchy role. There couldn't be a worse match for Werner, thus there couldn't be a more perfect fit for Lisa.

Character: Mark
Played Originally By: Greg Sestero

Played Now By: Bradley Cooper

For a perfect foil for Johnny, you need a skinny, yet fit guy. A guy with great hair. A guy that can rock it, beard or no beard. A guy that you know has a great sex life, but you ask him anyway because you just want to hear his stories. Enter Bradley Cooper.

Character: Denny
Played Originally By: Philip Haldiman

Played Now By:Paul Dano

Paul Dano has that perfect blend of a young/old face, overall creepiness, possible mental problems, and unmemorableness. He truly can bring some real heart to Denny.

Character: Claudette
Played Originally By: Carolyn Minnott

Played Now By: Meryl Streep

For Claudette, you need an actress with gravitas and pure acting prowess. When she says, "I definitely had breast cancer," you want to feel it in your soul. Hello, Oscars, Meryl's back and better than ever!

Character: Michelle
Played Originally By: Robyn Paris

Played Now By: Jessica Alba

Michelle is a totally useless character. Sure, she's kind of pretty and Lisa needs someone to talk to, but she's completely forgettable and completely unnecessary. Could there be a role more perfect for Jessica Alba?

Character: Mike
Played Originally By: Mike Holmes

Played Now By: Seth Rogen

Well, in a film this heavy, you certainly could use some comic relief. I'm sure Seth will be game for making goofy faces during sex, forgetting "me underwears", and telling his friends the story about the time he forgot "me underwears".

Character: Chris R.
Played Originally By: Dan Janjigian

Played Now By: Channing Tatum

Don't overthink this one. You just need someone vaguely threatening, but then again, not really, who can fill out a tank top. This one's for you, ladies!

Character: Peter
Played Originally By: Kyle Vogt

Played Now By: David Wain

Because...seriously? Come on now. It's just perfect.

Character: Steven
Played Originally By: Greg Ellery

Played Now By: French Stewart

Because when French Stewart pops up in a movie, your first thought is, "Who the fuck is this guy and why is he talking?" Besides, I'm sure he's available.

And featuring Uggie, the dog from The Artist, as "Doggie"!