Movie Reviews (1701-1750)
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"You can believe that an elephant can fly". This is a nice misfit story about an circus elephant with big ears that everyone laughs of and he takes his revenge by flying. It is a pure classic Disney production for better and worse.
Confusing cyberpunk science fiction drama with flashback and hallucinations. Asia Argento's numerous nude sequences is the strongest asset to the movie while Christopher Walken and Willem Dafoe seem so relaxed with the movie that makes me think it was improvised on the spot. It is not really bad, but it didn't manage to grab my attention.
This comedy about stupid cops who have to do criminal stuff in order to not lose their job because their town is too nice and sleepy is a crowd-pleasing and funny Swedish movie. It has a nice mix of stupidity and intelligence at once and it is pretty likable even if there is a potential here that feels unexplored.
"There can be only one". At least there can only be one "Highlander" film that is good. This story about an immortal warrior (with as cool sword) that has to battle other more "evil" immortals throughout the centuries has a huge potential and while it only manage to scratch this surface it has a a lot of memorable imagery and good ideas that it is not surprising that it got several sequels and spin-off series later even if this movie is perfect as a stand-alone story. Christopher Lambert do his only watchable appearance as Connor McLeod (with the worst French accent on a Scottish character ever) and Sean Connery has an excellent mentor role that makes one forget there are enormous plot holes in the film. What really gets me in the mood though is the excellent Queen music score that consist of gems like "Princes of the Universe", "It's a Kind of Magic" and "Who Wants to Live Forever" and the fast-edited MTV style action sequences making this a perfect action movie. Clancy Brown is also memorable as the villain and the romantic subplot is satisfying.
The immortal McLeod returns in a futuristic setting where the world is filled with dying people from Sun radiation and the dying McLeod starts to remember facts about his life that contradicts the rules that was created in the original film as we discover that the Immortals actually came from Outer Space and there is scenes here that try to tell us that characters suddenly knew each other at a much earlier time. Even worse was tampering from producers and the film ended up being one of the most confused, badly edited movies ever made. The film was so bad that they tried to save some of it by making a "renegade director's cut" version a few years later that tried to save the film, but instead of a stupid alien plot we get a stupid time travel story instead which is just as bad. Sean Connery also magically reappears in his mentor role even if he died in the original. Some nice effects are good I guess but the only way to like this film is to believe that this movie is a separate film from a parallel universe. One of the worst sequels ever made.
There is a lot of bad Stephen King adaptations, but there are none of them that have been so critized by the writer himself as being the worst film ever based upon his work. King's original story is about a sick killer who cuts the lawn by eating it so it was no way that could have worked on screen anyhow, but reworking that story into a strange effects film about virtual reality and see Jeff Fahey being turned into a killer genius computer effect by Pierce Brosnan is a strange film indeed. Even worse is that the movie is boring and the computer effects are extremely dated (even if they are fun to see for nostalgic reasons). It is a better film if one doesn't think about this film as a Stephen King film but think about it as a film with the title "Cyber God" as that was the title on it's original screenplay. Jenny Wright as a horny neighbor is watchable and the sex scene that ends in tragedy in VR as her entire essence is merged with Fahey is a memorable moment. That Brett Leonard made "Hideaway" next based upon Dean Koontz novel and got even more critized by that writer for ruining his book should tell you something about the director though.
Underrated old-fashioned romantic drama in the style of Frank Capra. Car crash victim Jim Carrey arrives in a sleepy town with amnesia and Martin Landau welcomes him as his long-lost son. It is hard not to be taken by the warm atmosphere of the film and the fantastic ensemble. Carrey also throws away all his rubber-face comedic gimmicks to deliver a straight-forward leading actor role. A fun black and white adventure film sequence in an old cinema has a Bruce Campbell cameo adding to the fun. Predictable ending but that adds to the charm of this being a movie that channels the kind of film style than many modern viewers can not appreciate any longer as they want things fast, "in your face" and with explosions.
Klaus Kinski is perfect cast as a sleazy and sex-assaulting killer, but that is the only similarties between him and the real Jack the Ripper as this is a movie title that only is slapped on to make interest - as this is another Jess Franco entry where Dr. Orloff appears (and to be honest this is more a remake of the original 1962 movie than anything else). Beautiful Josephine Chaplin (daughter of THE legend Charlie) gets assaulted and has her clothes shockingly ripped apart by the ogre-looking sick killer at the end, but she at least survive the ordeal which is more than what the director's muse and wife Lina Romay do as she is stabbed to death and have her intestines ripped out. The film has a better-than-normal budget for Franco and looks glossy and expensive compared to most of his films as there has been an actual attempt to make a Victorian setting with lavish costumes and believable old streets. It drags every time the police inspector and his team arrive on the screen so there is no wonder that it changes focus to the inspector's fiancee (Chaplin) at the end as she tries to find the killer Orloff but almost ends up as a new nude and mutilated corpse. Exploitation fans should get a extra kick out of this one.
Boring sexploitation from perv Jesus Franco where story and acting is at a all time high. This is a film only to satisfy horny Franco so that he can film naked bodies doing simulated deeds. Only the hateful dialogue at the end and some dark twists may make this film not a complete waste of time for fans of the director.
Visually this attempt at a modern film noir has some excellent moments, especially Vincent D'Onofrio as nose-less drug seller who recreate the JFK assassination with doves and a saxophone playing Val Kilmer in a burning house. Sadly the main story itself is formulaic and lacks surprises and Kilmer himself slobs himself through the movie. The other actors do better and more interesting characters. It is not really bad just forgettable.
How could anyone think that a movie about a postman would be interesting even if it is meant to be a futuristic western and star Kevin Costner? Hell, even dogs bite postmen, for Christ's sake! I guess also postmen needs cheering up though and have a hero to appreciate. It is not all that bad though. It has good production values and is competent acted, but slow, slow as the mail delivery in the town I live in.
This over-the-top maniac Charles Manson-like cult movie is helped by crazy camera angles, idiotic stunts and laughable acting, mostly done by usual film director Sam Raimi and a cast of non-actors. It have a rebellious "I don't care about anything else than having fun" vibe over it and it is why it is impossible to take it serious but still be hugely entertained by it.
An interesting premise about the problematic work that U.N aid-workers face is devastated by a stupid romantic story that is glued onto the movie and lacks any form of passion. The actors can not help this movie on it's own.
Lovers of French sexy art-horror director Jean Rollin's style may find little to cherish as this is not as much sexy as pure hardcore porn (and no atmosphere) with the girls attacked in any opening that is humane possible. It may have been made to finance his other movies as even his favorite twins Marie-Pierre and Catherine Castel participate in having real sex. Those loving their European sexploitation girls will probably also love the fact that Monica Swinn appear to have fun in an orgy scene. Only for the most devoted fan of girls or director.
25% comic book strip, 25% sleazy S&M fantasy, 25% exploitation and 25% Tawny Kitaen's tits. It is probably a kind of attempt to recreate the surrealism and psychedelic erotica from "Barbarella" in a kind-of "Indiana Jones" fairy tale. Tawny Kitaen play an "innocent" girl that gets trapped in a land of S&M filled with French models and the women are the best thing about the movie - Zabou Breitman is cute in a supporting role too. Leading man Brent Huff is an abomination though. It was the last film directed by the man behind the first "Emmanuelle".
It is always nice when a film tries to scare teenagers into thinking about their obsession objects and actually think about what they do for a change - but it would have been more effective had the curse been changed into people actually committing suicide and told about a social problem instead. Sadly the movie seem made for TV. It is flat, has little depth and inventiveness in it's direction. Even worse is that the "kids" are laughable and act unrealistic and it seems like this is a parody of the first two films. The ending has a strange logic that I found impossible to grasp.
This American remake about cellular phones that predict the death of people is uninspired. It doesn't help when I lose so much interest that I started to look at my own smart phone and started Google with it - so particularly scary it is not. It doesn't help that the leading actress acts stiff like a corpse. This film doesn't even deserve to be played in the background on my T.V. and lacks everything even an atmosphere and one single scary moment. Worst is the effects that are either just plain bad or laughable. The CGI baby is at the bottom of both barrels.
In the horror genre the cannibal films is my least favorite genre, but this one should actually have some interest for non-fans too as two famous actors, Ursula Andress and Stacy Keach star in a sub-genre that few people would even dare read the script of. To be honest Andress has never been any good actress to begin with (and would never have found fame had it not been for her white bikini in "Dr. No") and is in this movie as a posing nude model delivering an acting range that should make her envy Pamela Anderson. Since it is a cannibal film we get a lot of animal cruelty and disgusting moments as the director clearly throw monkeys and birds into the mouth of a snake to deliver some cheap "thrills". When that doesn't work there is a few shocking sex moments as one native enjoys wild boar sex and a female member deliver some on-screen masturbation. Castration of the explorers and intestine eating is also not forgotten as Stacy Keach tries to maneuver through this movie with his honor intact searching with Andress for her husband that has gone missing. Surprisingly for this kind of usual low-budget drivel the movie has gorgeous cinematography and is competently shot in the jungle. It is clearly not the worst in it's genre if you have the stomach for it.
Even for a Amazon Cannibal movie this is beyond terrible. It is filled with stupid dialogue, confused story and not a single character that one find interesting. The movie "steals" from any other and more powerful movie in the genre and the only thing that is memorable is the stupid Swedish blonde who seem to be high on something throughout the movie and the topless girl from Burma who sadly is paid back by the director at the end for her services by getting brutally killed.
This is a romantic movie only for patient golf players who can go through a life time playing the game and hoping to get a hole-in-one. An over-long film only for devoted fans of the genre or the actors.
This is a good bad-movie to watch if one is out for a few laughs. It is about a group of people who breaks into a Gothic castle only to discover that the owner is crazy and thinks he is an executioner from the past. He is played by a man who seems to have flunked the screen test of "The Phantom" and the film is filled with the most idiotic dialogue, laughable S&M torture devices and the least convincing rubber spider that have ever graced the screen. It is one of the silliest films I have ever seen and is filled with bad acting.
Just when one thought it was not possible to make worse sequels to an original you get this movie made by moneyhungry producers who found they had a rejected, shitty film lying in their drawer and decided to release that one with a new filmed tagged-on beginning where they kill off the original character and tell the audience that his influence continued onto the only girl who survived him. This girl really only wants to be the best and most popular girl on school so she kills off her competition making her an obvious killer for the police in a matter of minutes. It is one stupid movie that could have been a great parody when one see the comedic talents of Mila Kunis and William Shatner involved, but this is actually an attempt of making a serious slasher/stupid tie-in product of the original and even standing on it's own this is a shitty film. No wonder the director left to make reality TV programs afterwards to hide himself. That is more than the others involved could do.
Jess Franco gets his grasp on the Fu Manchu series. I have not seen the first three movies, but I'm certain they are better than this. Master villain Fu Manchu sends 10 gorgeous babes to the world with a kiss of death - their lips are smeared with a deadly snake poison that will make anyone that kisses them dead. Even his most hated enemy gets it but he survives so there is a quest to the Amazons so that Fu Manchu can be stopped. It is a pretty weak adventure movie but the women are good-looking and there is a few scenes with the hardly dressed girls whipped which is a favorite scene for Franco to direct in any of his movies. Christopher Lee do this role in his sleep now and I can not even imagined how political correct people would have cried out today seeing a British actor playing an Asian. A diabolical plundrer and rapist cowboy with the name of Sancho Lopez make a bigger impression than anyone else in the film. A Shirley Eaton scene (taken from another film) makes absolutely no sense. A pretty bad film.
In this final Fu Manchu entry director Franco took his crew and cast on a vacation trip to Istanbul and filmed some barely comprehensive scenes with them. It's about a plot to freeze the world's oceans to ice. It was so terrible it wasn't released in several years and it killed the franchise totally. European beauties Rosalba Neri and Maria Perschy are nice to look at, but they have better films so have Christopher Lee who barely acts here. Stock footage from better films and a laughable heart transplation needs to be seen (and then unseen) in order to understand how stupid it is.
A satiric slasher movie about the obvious teenage stereotypes participating in a reality TV program with the chance of winning one million dollars. Compared to similar "reality footage" films it is decent, but sadly it walks into the trap of the same reality shows with several scenes that are slow and has nothing happening. There are some intriguing twists and the revelation of the killer is good if unsurprising. Okay for a slow night.
The most embarrassing with most viking movies for me is that there is so few of them made in Scandinavia even if there is a lot of potential and good stories around. This one while not being a historical piece is an adapted alternate version by writer Michael Crichton of the fantasy epic "Beowulf". It is a atmospheric dark fantasy and Antonio Banderas do one of his better roles as the Muslim who is banished from his homeland and get involved with the Vikings and discover that he really is the unlucky warrior 13. What ruins a potential good film is a sloppy, rushed beginning that feels like someone tried to film a prologue but gave up and decided to skip the introduction and 200 first pages of the novel by adding some uninspired narration instead (I have to admit I have not read the book yet but that is what it felt). Later when all the characters are situated in one place and stopped travelling the film starts to develop properly and it actually feels like the film it should have been at the start. Sadly it may be a little late for some viewers since it demand some patience and good will but it is for that point the good characters get introduced and the proper story about a battle against an evil cannibalistic tribe can begin. Absolutely worth a watch for it's great production values, solid acting and intense action sequences.
Acceptable, but easily forgotten, time travel movie for kids watching Nickelodeon. It deliver nothing that hasn't been seen in better films, but it do have acceptable effects and a super cute Paula Garcés as the female lead playing a teenager, but being in her mid twenties (like every American playing in a film for teenagers), with pigtails is the most memorable thing in it.
It is impressive that someone can make something as boring and unerotic production with such a gorgeous looking woman in the leading role but Giorgia Emerald do not produce a simple emotion and the film is lousy directed making one wish that this had been a film from Joe D'Amato's harder XXX films instead.
Stallone was at rock bottom with this film (before returning with a bang with his return to Rocky and Rambo) as the film was not deemed good enough by film producers to even get released theatrical, but it is not at all as bad as I thought. It is a kind-of "Bodyguard" story with Stallone protecting Madeleine Stowe who plays Anthony Quinn's daughter. Quinn in his last scenes ever have a moving sentence about "everybody's going somewhere" that is worth the film in itself as it actually says goodbye to him and his career. The film itself tries to be a romantic action comedy and while the film misses with it's jokes as much as the film's henchmen the film is okay if one don't expect much from it. Madeleine Stowe do go over-the-top with a wacky, screaming and plain annoying performance which makes me sad as I love the Madeleine Stowe of 10 years ago and here she seems to try to all to much.
An excellent surreal horror science-fiction film that almost feel like someone has made it in a fever dream close to death. It is pretty unique and could almost have passed as a mainstream hit had it not been because of it's bloody effects where spheres drill themselves through the heads of victims and a cemetery sex scene. The excellent Angus Scrimm is hugely memorable in an almost non-speaking role as Death looking like an Undertaker and there is a portal to another dimension. The teenage kid is actually rather good too, but the non-ending may annoy some viewers even if it works pretty good for a change. It is a lot better and more original film that all those other horror franchises out there with a stupid slow-walking supernatural killer slashing teenage girls and deserves it's cult classic status.
The sequel of "Phantasm II" has a lot of similarities with another horror franchise sequel, "Evil Dead II" in that it is both a continuation but also feels very similar and alike to the original making it almost feel like a reboot at times. This film do have a better budget, sexy love interests, improved effects and a faster pace as it got Hollywood backing, but it also retreads some of the same old story lines and goes for more humor this time around. It is a rather fun entry even if it can't really top the original - and the ending was too expected to really surprise this time around.
The third one tries to go for a total splatter/comedy fest but also do the mistake of making the supporting sidekick the main hero for this one and killing off the cute love interest with such brutality that it almost put me off for the rest of the film. The film franchise also returns back to the more low-budget effects and gore of the original which actually suits the story better. It is also fun to see the original teenage hero back as an adult. There is a reveal at the end that surprises too as our hero discovers "the truth" under his skin.
After rediscovering lost footage from the original film, the fourth film rewrite itself somewhat as it jumps through several flashbacks and dreams trying to "repair" some "faults" from the two sequels as the fourth entry try to go back to it's atmospheric roots again. It feels very ambitious for it's low budget as it really could have needed both a better running time and budget to get all it wants to tell across. The ambigious almost non-ending will probably annoy a huge crowd but plays good with the ongoing dream story that is told. As always it is the sparse use of Angus Scrimm as Tall Man that steals the show. This one is purely for the fans as anyone else will be totally lost in it's continuity and by it's strange dreamy narration.
Angelina Jolie looks fantastic in this "who fools who" romantic spy movie with a few comedic moments and is the real reason to watch the film as Johnny Depp do his usual "fish out of water" routine for most of the film. It is a remake of the French "Anthony Zimmer" that sadly has not been seen by me but since that one has the similar classy and fantastic Sophie Marceau in the original role I guess it is now officially on my list to watch too. Anyhow, this is not a bad time waster for a romantic couple as there is some fun flirting during the chase, hunt and romantic sequences even though it all end with the obvious twist ending that honestly is disappointing after all the build-up and the film was actually more charming as a romantic one than as the obvious routine spy-caper one. Most of the supporting characters do routine roles, but it was nice to see Timothy Dalton as head boss who seemingly seem to be the only one who actually understood the plot from the beginning but really didn't care.
Probably the most eccentric cast ever put together in a haunted house movie. The beautiful cinematography and the witty dialogue is other things that stick out. Not particularly scary but it plenty of charm.
Based upon a true story about two lions who started to attack and use humans as prey for their hunger. It has a big potential, but is weighed down by numerous plot holes and characters that do not go anywhere. What works better is the suspenseful scenes when the lions attack humans that are perfect horror movie moments. Also a big plus for using real lions for almost the entire film making it much more believable.
The good thing with this movie adaptation of the TV series is that since it is an horror anthology series one don't need to have seen a single episode of that one as every story is self contained. This one has three stories - first is about a mummy brought to life that is mostly humorous, second one is about a "Cat from Hell" based upon a Stephen King short story that has a pretty disturbing grotesque and memorable ending with a William Hickey in top form and the last one has a Japanese feel and is about a bizarre killing and a witness that is forced to talk about it. A hit-and-miss movie that should be intriguing for fans of short stories fiction.
Jeff Goldblum almost dies and discover he has a psychic link with a serial killer who wants to mate and kill his daughter babe Alicia Silverstone. It is a pretty stupid film and the killer ends up in a laughable CGI hell at the end. This film is just as interesting as watching two cars collide. You know it is terrible to watch but you can't help seeing and hoping it will not end in tragedy. The author, Dean Koontz, hated it just as much as Stephen King hated Brett Leonard directing his "Lawnmower Man" as his previous film. The worst director ever directing films by horror writers? Probably, yeah.
Every machine and vehicle come to life due to a comet on the sky. A truck with the face of Spiderman's arch enemy Green Goblin is the leader and the one who wants to kill every human. It is a very sloppy edited and directed film, which is no surprise since it was directed by first timer Stephen King, who has never done a film again afterwards. He claimed he had made a modern "Plan 9 from Outer Space", but he was wrong because his film is not unintentional funny as it only limps along on autopilot as if it was done by one of the machines that drive around a gas station without purpose in this film. AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" opens the film which is the highlight of the film really, the dreadful acting is not. With a big budget and insane kills this could have been a fun alternate kind-of zombie story. I think it was one of the absolute first films I saw on satellite dish and even with all it's shortcomings this was a fun film for me as a young kid so I really can't hate it. A guilty pleasure film of epic proportions and necessary viewing for Stephen King fans who need to see and read all he has done.
It starts like any other classic style horror witch movie with a burning at a stake and a young college girl that happen to stumble into a sleepy town to discover something out of the ordinary. That is also when the movie suddenly surprises and while it never really recovers from it's shock the film do swallow me up with excellent foggy atmosphere and it's foreboding feel. Christopher Lee appear as a professor who knows a little more about what happens than he lets on. Classic British horror that builds up slowly as I like 'em. Stupid American film title though.
Low-budget "Robocop" version but this android cop is a lot sexier than Murphy as it is played by babe Nicole Eggert who look good in body armor blasting away bad guys. It is not at all that bad and has extra entertainment value for horror fans as it is filled by several cult favorites delivering fun, stupid dialogue in a film that don't take itself seriously for one second. Don't expect any big plot surprises or anything that will change your life other than that it wastes your "running time" away and you will not be disappointed. I was not.
A great premise: "what if you find a genie in a bottle and you are granted a wish only that this genie twists on anything you say so that he can kill off as many cast members as possible". Andrew Divoff's deep bass voice heighten the film even when he is drowned in heavy make-up and the film has numerous fun deaths by horror favorites - best moment is seeing Ted Raimi crushed by a crate. Annoying "reset button" ending ruin the film and all the fun that has happened up to that point and I don't find the female leading actress at all appealing or good at her job. Not surprised that the film was popular enough to start a franchise. It is a fun follow-up to "The Demolitionist" as it was directed by the same director, but he has better budget and more excellent FX and make-up artists at his disposal for this one.
This remake of the cult classic look more amateurish and lackluster than the lowbudget black and white film ever did. Worst is the acting that is non-existent and the script that rewrites the story into a unwatchable mess about rape that gets drown into tons of fake dreams, hallucinations and misdirection making this film unbearable to watch. Shawnee Smith who has a small supporting role as the little sister of the main actress is also tons more engaging to watch and would have been a more interesting leading actress too.
This is a fun monster movie that is highlighted by having Vincent Price playing a scientist that discover that a monster can only be discovered by a tingling sensation prior to death and one can survive it by screaming one's lungs out. It is refreshingly unserious and the moment with a bathtub in red color with a hand sticking out is a memorable moment and striking to watch. A refreshing unserious film that is hard not to love.
Stephen King's fascination with machines turning into destructive forces of death that kills people is again explored in this absurd adaptatation of a short story about a demonic laundry pressing machine that has a taste for blood. Robert Englund has to have done his most cartoonish and over-the-top performance in his career by playing a man completely covered in protestics walking on leg braces and a voice machine making him looking more demon like than anything else in the film. Horror director Tobe Hooper who has done his share of flops even saw how bad this film went and left the film after filming a huge chunk of it. There is some memorable blood effects that are truly disgusting and it is strange to see usual villainous actor Ted Levine in a heroic manner for a change. For lack of a different statement: it is sure a strange and unique film though.
It was only a matter of time before Italian maestro Dario Argento had to do an attempt on one of the literal classics. Sadly the film has huge problems and one of them is sadly Asia Argento adlibbing to opera tunes since she sadly is no soprano nor is she as angelic as her father apparently believes. Crazy scenes involving a ratcatcher and his strange machine invention is offputting and weird enough to think one is watching a comedy instead. Cardboard-looking stages and weak CGI doesn't help and make the production seem cheap. A directorial failure.
It is the old story about following one's dream and ambition. Better then is the city landscape that blend tons of animals into one boiling pot (lacking fish, birds and reptiles). While predictable for much of the movie it is hard not to love the partnership between the girl rabbit and male fox and the voice acting is as usual for Disney topnotch.
One of the best art movies that I have seen full of deep beautiful colors, excellent camerawork and with a gorgeous Irene Jacob in the lead. Great story too with something to tell with a lasting impact on my soul as the movie take you through it's landscape of souls and beauty.
This is one great black comedy about some murderous aunts that kills off people with arsenic. Cary Grant has seldom been funnier and the script is full of great dialogue and gags. Only the disappointment of not having Boris Karloff playing "himself" due to scheduling conflicts is the big sore thumb of the film. The rest is hilarious and completely bonkers.
1994 seem to have been a great year for recreating the atmosphere of Frank Capra's films. First I have seen "The Hudsucker Proxy" from that year and now we have this one. A charming romantic comedy but also with hints of screwball humor from Rosie Perez and the fantastical and spiritual as Isaac Hayes plays an angel. Nicolas Cage do one of his better roles as a cop who decide to share his ticket with a very cute waitress - and who wouldn't when she looks like Bridget Fonda and his fiancee acts and looks like a dragon? If one looks critical on the romance I could actually say that the cop bought the waitress as a luxury prostitute, but why ruining the moment and this fairy tale story.
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