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A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
Otto: Don't call me stupid!
Otto: I love watching your ass when you walk. Is that beautiful or what? Don't go near him, he's mine.
Wanda: I looked at the clock... because I was saying to myself... It's five to seven, where could he be going with that sawed off shotgun?
Ken: You bastard. Hey, I've lost my stutter. It's gone. I can speak. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Blackadder Back & Forth (1999)
Blackadder: [punches Shakespeare] That is for every schoolboy and schoolgirl for the next 400 years. Have you any idea how much suffering you're going to cause? Hours spent at school desks trying to find *one* joke in "A Midsummer's Night Dream", wearing stupid tights in school plays and saying things like, "What ho, my Lord," and, "Oh, look, here comes Othello talking total crap as usual."
Consul Georgius: I say, this is interesting! There seems to be a large orange hedge moving towards us.
Centurion Blackadder: Uh, thats not a hedge Consul. That's the Scots.
Qualen: Kill a few people, they call you a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror.
Qualen: You want to kill me, don't you, Tucker? Well, get a number and get in line.
Django Unchained (2012)
Django: You better listen to your boss, white boy.
Billy Crash: Oh, I'ma go walkin' in the moonlight with you.
Django: You wanna hold my hand?
Dr. King Schultz: How do you like the bounty hunting business?
Django: Kill white people and get paid for it? What's not to like?
Dr. King Schultz: You silver tongued devil, you.
Fierce Creatures (1997)
Vince: I don't like you. You're weird and unattractive.
Vince: You screwed up my whole childhood!
Rod: How could I have? I wasn't even there.
Vince McCain: Oh, were you asleep?
Rollo Lee: Uh, yes, I frequently am at 2 A.M., I'm afraid. Uh, filthy habit I picked up in the Far East.
Willa Weston: He reminds me of my father.
Vince McCaine: Was your father ugly?
Philippe: [holding up a doughnut] No croissant?
Dr. Niko Tatopoulus: Wrong floor.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulos: What's with the chewing gum?
Philippe: It makes us look more American.
Dr. Niko Tatopoulos: Really? [looks around] Let me do all the talking.
Johnny English (2003)
Johnny English: My God, what have they done to you?
Elderly Man: They've taken some of my blood.
Johnny English: The bastards.
Johnny English: [singing] Thank you for the music / The songs I'm singing
Bough: Is it working, sir?
Johnny English: Extremely well, thank you, Bough. [singing] Thanks for all the joy that...
Johnny English: [hits the tunnel wall] Ow!
Life of Brian (1979)
Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?
Brian's Mother: Stop thinking about sex!
Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me.
Reg: Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!
King of Swamp Castle: Listen, Alice...
Prince Herbert: Herbert.
King of Swamp Castle: Herbert...
King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?
King of Swamp Castle: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.
King Arthur: Look, you stupid Bastard. You've got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
King Arthur: *Look*!
Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: ... I got better.
French Soldier: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
King of Swamp Castle: One day, lad, all this will be yours.
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?
Orange County (2002)
Shaun: I have to go to college.
Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.
Krista: Bud is getting so fat. You should really talk to him, he's going to have a heart attack. Plus he's fat.
Bud Brumder: If you do this I will eat your face!
[as he starts to take apart a nuclear bomb before it goes off]
Dr. Matthewson: Anybody want to make a bet?
The Party (1968)
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Birdie Num Num.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: Hrundi V. Bakshi.
Michelle Monet: Pardon?
Hrundi V. Bakshi: That is what my name is called.
C. S. Divot: You mashuga!
Hrundi V. Bakshi: I am not your sugar.
The Pink Panther (2006)
French journalist: Inspector, do you know if the killer was a man or woman?
Clouseau: Well of course I know that! What else is there? A kitten?
Clouseau: Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?
Francois: Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?
Clouseau: The exploding kind.
Clouseau: A beekeeper who has lost his voice, a cook who thinks he's a gardiner, and a witness to a murder. Oh, yes. It is obvious to my trained eye, that there is much more going on here than meets the ear.
Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Hotel Clerk: No.
Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.
[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.
The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Jimmy: I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door.
Dave: Don't do anything stupid.
Oz: Why would you say that?
Dave: You married Sophie.
To Be or Not to Be (1983)
Anna Bronski: He's world-famous in Poland!
Anna Bronski: Oh, but that's enough talk about me. Let's talk about you. How'd you like me in the first act?
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)
Car Passenger: Hey... you wanna see something really scary?
Mr. Bloom: The day we stop playing is the day we start getting old.
John Valentine: There's a man on the wing of this plane!
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