British Comedy: Jam & Jerusalem

Years: 2006-2009
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson
Stars: Sue Johnston, Dawn French
Episodes: 19
Episode Average: 7.053*

BEST EPISODES:
Dinner Party (2009), Series 1, Episode 1 (2006)

*including special

SERIES ONE

(2006)
6 episodes
Series Score: 43
Episode Average: 7.17*
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including special

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 24 November 2006
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson (Additional)

The vicar wonders why his church has been filled with crafted donations, Eileen desperately tries to find a guest speaker for the next meeting, and Sal suddenly has time to spare when her husband dies of a heart attack.

"I was going to buy a tomato. Goodbye!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 1 December 2006
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson (Additional)

Tash struggles to adapt to working life when she takes a job in the pub, the vicar protests when the Guild serve tea and biscuits during a service, and Sal gets a shock when she sees how her son is running the surgery.

"Don't go all funny just cos I look like him. I'm not gonna sleep with you."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 8 December 2006
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson (Additional)

The vicar shows off the outfit that he's wearing for Beating the Bounds, Tip shows Sal how to use the internet to find Eileen's real parents, and Tash is furious when her mum refuses to look after Raph for six months.

"Well, as Verger told me this morning, apparently this is something of a chick magnet."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 15 December 2006
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson (Additional)

Delilah causes a traffic jam when her seat sticks in the forward position,
Yasmeen continues to struggle with all of her duties at the surgery, and Sal gets frustrated at sharing a house with her selfish cow of a daughter.

"Well, let's just say, you won't have to fight your way through the cobwebs. I still try to give myself a bit of pleasure now and again."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 22 December 2006
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson (Additional)

The vicar makes his opinon known about a harvest festival tin collection, Rosie's excited when she finds a Jesus potato in the vegetable plot, and Caroline takes the reins when Freya struggles to make her horse jump.

"Mm, just like your powers you've got, like you're turning water into holy water, and you're blessing things and stuff, like turning fish into bread and stuff. Were you born with those powers? Or did you have to take like an exam, you know, and get a cerfaticafuckit?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 26 December 2006
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson (Additional)

Rosie denies swallowing a balloon when she starts a new celebrity diet, Tash admits that she's signing on for a friend who's gone on holiday, and Eileen worries that a Guild inspector might close the Clatterford branch.

"Not your one-eyed man - it needs a wash. Get in that bath and introduce it to soap."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SPECIAL

(2006)

SPECIAL

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Originally broadcast: 30 December 2006
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Eileen and Queenie oversee the auditions for the annual village panto, a Prince Charming has to be found when Tash insists on playing Cinderella, and Sal asks about the possibility of scattering Mike's ashes by firework.

"I was just wondering if we have to stay on the top layer if it will be OK if I push my finger right into the bottom for a chocolate ring?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

SERIES TWO

(2008)
6 episodes
Series Score: 40
Episode Average: 6.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 1 January 2008
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Sal's shocked when her children forget the anniversary of Mike's death, James is offered advice about how to break bad news to his patients, and Eileen struggles to let Kate take charge of building the Guild webpage.

"No. I'm sorry to bother you, Doctor, but I have one quick question. Well, I'm on the Atkins and I read in this woman's magazine... and it's rubbish, I know, but you have to worry, don't you?... that Casualty's Amy lost ten stone on it. 'I lost ten stone and you can too.' Well, if I did that there'd be nothing of me cos I only weigh nine stone."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 4 January 2008
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Sal plans some alone time when Tash and Spike head for Glastonbury,
Queenie panics when she hoovers up Eileen's new church display, and Susie worries that she might be pregnant after having a one-night stand.

"We're all out of Shake 'n Vac. And Vicar left a notice saying no more potpourri in the font."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 11 January 2008
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Eileen struggles to understand the concept of the purposeless ramble, the vicar tries to avoid being spotted out with his new lady friend, and Sal tells Spike that it is time for him to take the bull firmly by the horns.

"Er, I don't know, but someone's had their fingers all over my chocolate starfish."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 18 January 2008
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

James is upset when non-news get in the way of his big announcement, Rosie reacts badly when she's asked to keep a secret at the factory, and Eileen sets about organising a safer version of the Battle of Clatterford.

"Margaret take sugar?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 25 January 2008
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Yasmeen and Susie clash about a Sports Cup netball match against Hole, Eileen pleads Rosie's case in a bid to have a bowls suspension lifted, and Tash has to make a decision when she looks at a new house with Marcus.

"No, I meant with the Guild. I mean, one minute you're helping out with netball and before you know it you've got a grey sensible haircut, drooping bosom and a penchant for making sock monkeys out of dog hair."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 1 February 2008
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Tip tells Sal that she's had enough of trying to make a dying farm work, Tash gets a shock when she learns the true cost of a traditional wedding, and James offers a warning about the consequences of hurting his sister.

"I was married twice. The first one was a moper. He had hos nose put out of joint when I had an affair... With the maid."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES THREE

(2009)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1

EASTER

Originally broadcast: 9 August 2009
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

A new face arrives in the village while Tip's hosting a lock-in at the pub, James worries that his mother's drinking's getting a bit out of hand, and Sal's furious when she finds a planning application notice in the garden.

"Yes. Poor chap. Chosen a short break, no doubt, in an area of outstanding natural beauty, only to be greeted by the cast of The Wicker Man."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E2

WORKING FROM HOME

Originally broadcast: 9 August 2009
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Tash panics when Jock gives the order for her mobile home to be moved, James is offered the opportunity to get involved with the LibDems, and Sal faces awkward questions about the comings and goings at her house.

"She's certainly got her hands full with all them builders coming up her back way!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S3E3

DINNER PARTY

Originally broadcast: 16 August 2009
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Caroline's left speechless when Rosie invites herself to her dinner party, Sal's not happy when Jock arrives with a rather limp-looking turkey, and flooded lines in Wiltshire allow time for thoughts to turn to Afghanistan.

"Apparently he leaves these videotape messages on the interweb. Which I don't really understand, but John's into all that sort of thing, you know. In fact, he's actually got quite hooked on it. I mean, he can spend all night on MyFace... Yes, he and his friends."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E4

MISSING PERSONS

Originally broadcast: 16 August 2009
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Eileen asks Jock to let Charles Dance know about the Guild Fashion Show, Sal tries to give Rosie her confident back by giving her a makeover, and Kate goes out in search of the vicar when the church is found locked up.

"And... you know that way he speaks. Like 'Och, aye, the noo, that van's gottae move. No, it's gottae move, lassie.' Apparently it's cos he's Scottish!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E5

NEW BEGINNINGS

Originally broadcast: 23 August 2009
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Tash's friend manages to reverse the library van straight into the house, Yasmeen announces that she and James are trying to have a baby, and Sal refuses to accept that there can be anything between her and Jock.

"Do you know what I say to her? I say 'Shut up, Eileen, If I wanted to listen to an arsehole, I'd have farted myself.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S3E6

LADIES IN LAVENDER

Originally broadcast: 23 August 2009
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Jennifer Saunders, Abigail Wilson

Eileen's delighted when she finally manages to book a celebrity speaker, Tash explains that she's got permission to put the van in the next field, and Sal feels let down when she learns the truth about Charles Dance.

"Hole will be spitting when they find out about our swelling members."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

SAL VINE

Played by Sue Johnston
19 episodes (2006-2009)

ROSIE BALES

Played by Dawn French
19 episodes (2006-2009)

EILEEN PIKE

Played by Maggie Steed
19 episodes (2006-2009)

CAROLINE MARTIN

Played by Jennifer Saunders
19 episodes (2006-2009)

TASH VINE

Played by Sally Phillips
18 episodes (2006-2009)

TIPPI HADDEM

Played by Pauline McLynn
17 episodes (2006-2009)

KATE BALES

Played by Rosie Cavaliero
17 episodes (2006-2009)

SUSIE

Played by Suzy Aitchison
17 episodes (2006-2009)

REVEREND HILLARY

Played by Patrick Barlow
15 episodes (2006-2009)

YASMEEN VINE

Played by Salima Saxton
15 episodes (2006-2009)

PAULINE

Played by Hazel John
15 episodes (2006-2009)

SIMON 'SPIKE' PIKE

Played by Simon Farnaby
13 episodes (2006-2009)

QUEENIE

Played by Doreen Mantle
12 episodes (2006-2008)

DR. JAMES VINE

Played by David Mitchell
13 episodes (2006-2009)

RAPH

Played by Thomas Assafuah
12 episodes (2006-2009)

JANINE

Played by Elanor Grimes
10 episodes (2006-2009)

COLIN HADDEM

Played by Robbie Richardson
9 episodes (2006-2008)

MARCUS

Played by Nigel Lindsay
9 episodes (2006-2008)

MEGAN BOYD

Played by Mena Trussler
8 episodes (2006-2009)

FREYA MARTIN

Played by Freya Edmondson
7 episodes (2006-2008)

DELILAH STAGG

Played by Joanna Lumley
6 episodes (2006-2008)

JOCK

Played by Clive Russell
6 episodes
(2009)