British Comedy: George & Mildred
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Broadcaster: ITV (Thames)
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Brian Cooke, Johnnie Mortimer
Stars: Yootha Joyce, Brian Murphy
Episodes: 38
Episode Average: 7.316
BEST EPISODES:
The Delivery Man (1978), No Business Like Show Business (1977)
SERIES ONE


10 episodes
Series Score: 72
Episode Average: 7.20
Perfect 10's: 0
S1E1 MOVING ON
Originally broadcast: 6 September 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred decides to view a house in an upmarket area when the council force a move, George has difficulty appreciating the full range of mod cons, and the estate agent neighbour puts up a sold sign to put them off.
"What's this? The paytio. Ideal for late night barber's queues."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E2 THE BAD PENNY
Originally broadcast: 13 September 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
The Fourmiles invite the Ropers around to their house for a welcoming drink, George manages to get locked out while having his monthly bath, and a Tory MP hears the political opinions of a drunk in a dressing gown.
"Incidentally, erm, don't you think that dress is a little too, erm, you know, I mean, it's not a coming out party."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E3 ...AND WOMEN MUST WEEP
Originally broadcast: 20 September 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred encourages George to pay a visit to the local labour exchange, a display of filing knowledge sees Jeffrey make an unexpected job offer, and the role of housewife turns out to a less than relaxing experience.
"Oh, here, I've got something for you. The tin of baked beans I borrowed off you yesterday."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E4 BABY TALK
Originally broadcast: 27 September 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred agrees to babysit Tristram while the Fourmiles go to see a play, George is horrified at the suggestion of adopting a child of their own, and Jeffrey struggles to backup a reference provided on the application form.
"Hello, Mildred, thanks so much for coming. Now, Tristram's in the fridge and the sandwiches are in bed. Erm..."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E5 YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE
Originally broadcast: 4 October 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Talk turns to life insurance when the Ropers attend an uncle's funeral, Mildred looks into what it would cost if George were to suddenly die, and Ann tries to find a way to tell Jeffrey about Tristram's poor school report.
"Ah, there's your birth certificate. Ooh, there goes one theory, it's got your father's name on it."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E6 WHERE MY CARAVAN HAS RESTED
Originally broadcast: 11 October 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey's upset when George trades in his old car for an old caravan, the local Residents' Association provide a tidy little profit to get rid of it, and Mildred's snobby sister and her husband come to stay for the weekend.
"Honestly, George, I think you must be going soft in the head. As well."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E7 THE LITTLE DOG LAUGHED
Originally broadcast: 18 October 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred's accused of treating Truffles the dog better than her husband, Tristram's less than impressed by his father's idea of the perfect pet, and George searches everywhere when the four-legged hairball goes missing.
"Mrs. Roper's also got a bald-headed loony with a ginger moustache, do you want one of them?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E8 BEST FOOT FORWARD
Originally broadcast: 25 October 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
The Fourmiles make preparations for Tristram's seventh birthday party, George manages to cause embarrassment during lunch at the pub, and Jeffrey tries to avoid being sued when moving a ladder results in a fall.
"Of all the people... All the decent normal people who might've moved in next door, I had to get a pickled onion juggler."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E9 MY HUSBAND NEXT DOOR
Originally broadcast: 1 November 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred calls in the decorators after getting some ideas from a magazine, George is faced with a television-free week when the set finally pack up, and Jeffrey gets his fishing tackle ready for the Fourmile family holiday.
"It's like the government... Bloody big cabinet and nothing works."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E10 FAMILY PLANNING
Originally broadcast: 8 November 1976
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred's sister reports that their mother is getting too old to live alone, Jeffrey teaches Tristram to box after he gets a black eye at school, and George isn't happy at talk of his mother-in-law moving in permanently.
"Cor, look at that. It looks like the opening scene from Macbeth, innit? All they need is a bubbling cauldron."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Onion Jack's rating:

SERIES TWO


7 episodes
Series Score: 51
Episode Average: 7.29
Perfect 10's: 0
S2E1 JUMBLE PIE
Originally broadcast: 14 November 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred breaks the news that Oscar the budgie has fallen from his perch, Jeffrey's horrified to learn that Tristram is being taught about sex, and George panics when his naughty magazines are donated to the church.
"Well, do you blame me? The last time I went in one, I came out married to you."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E2 ALL AROUND THE CLOCK
Originally broadcast: 21 November 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
The Ropers exchange gifts on the day of their 24th wedding anniversary, Ann's unhappy about a winter holiday turning into a golfing lesson, and Jeffrey blames the new council estate when burglars target the house.
"Well, I don't deal with dog licences myself, madam. I leave that to the chief superintendent."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E3 THE TRAVELLING MAN
Originally broadcast: 28 November 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey explains his reasons for not buying Tristram the latest fad item, George advertises for a lodger so he can get out of looking for a job, and Mildred changes her mind when a charming salesman comes knocking.
"Oh, no, no, no. That's no job for a man. George'll do it later."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E4 THE UNKINDEST CUT OF ALL
Originally broadcast: 5 December 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred decides to prepare a very special meal for Ethel and Humphrey, Jeffrey talks about his inheritance ahead of a trip to see his mother, and George tries to cover it up when an unpaid bill sees the electricity cut off.
"Bleurgh, that looks finger-licking 'orrible."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E5 THE RIGHT WAY TO TRAVEL
Originally broadcast: 12 December 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred suggests going to Majorca instead of another year in Blackpool, Jeffrey tries to undo his neighbour's influence on his son's political views, and a big discount forces George to sign up with the Conservative Party.
"Oh, I don't know, Mildred. We don't speak a word of Majorcan."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E6 THE DOROTHY LETTERS
Originally broadcast: 19 December 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred's livid when she finds secret letters written to another woman, Jeffrey's relieved when pregnancy talk turns out to be a false alarm, and Ann's horrified at the thought of not being able to have another baby.
"Oh, put your pickles away!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E7 NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS
Originally broadcast: 26 December 1977
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey has no choice but to cast Mildred in his production of Cinderella, George comes under fire for teaching Tristram how to play poker, and news of a lost voice means a last-minute search for another ugly sister.
"Nah, you don't stand a chance. Last year, they did Macbeth, got three witches in it. You didn't even get a part then."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9
Onion Jack's rating:

SERIES THREE


6 episodes
Series Score: 44
Episode Average: 7.33
Perfect 10's: 0
S3E1 OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
Originally broadcast: 7 September 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred's disappointed when only Ann turns up for her coffee morning, Jerry encourages George to invest in his new pigeon-farming project, and Jeffrey can't hide his delight at the prospect of getting new neighbours.
"I'm gonna make you a millionaire overnight. It might take a month or two, but this is... this is the investment opportunity of a lifetime."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E2 AND SO TO BED
Originally broadcast: 14 September 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred tells George that she's fed up of having to make do and mend, an attempt to buy a new bed on hire purchase leads to embarrassment, and a second winner on a treble bet gives hope of a sudden windfall.
"Cor, blimey, it's the curse of the mummy."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E3 I BELIEVE IN YESTERDAY
Originally broadcast: 21 September 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
An unfair trade involving a train set and an old tyre has to be put right, Mildred's delighted when her mother delivers a letter from an old flame, and George responds by ringing the only number in his little black book.
"That was my maiden name, George. I haven't been a Tremble since I married you."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E4 THE FOUR LETTER WORD
Originally broadcast: 28 September 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
George is horrified when Humphrey offers him a job in his meat factory, information about a dirty weekend provides a convenient way out, and Jeffrey explains why his neighbour isn't fit to work in an estate agents.
"Well, he unemployed, isn't he? Who's gonna give a job to a person like that?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E5 THE DELIVERY MAN
Originally broadcast: 5 October 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred's furious when she finds the bike stripped down in the kitchen, Ann goes into labour while Jeffrey's away at a business meeting, and a shortage of minicabs means that George has to provide the transport.
"I'm having a baby!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E6 LIFE WITH FATHER
Originally broadcast: 12 October 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Tristram grows tired of hearing about the newest member of the family, George's father gets kicked out of an old folks' home for keeping a ferret, and Mildred calls out the doctor to put an end to a suspicious illness.
"I'm just giving it a little extra support. Now this is the lazy one. It just flops around and it doesn't try. I call it George."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Onion Jack's rating:

SERIES FOUR


7 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 7.43
Perfect 10's: 0
S4E1 JUST THE JOB
Originally broadcast: 16 November 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
George gets a shock after going for an interview for a traffic warden job, the Fourmiles prepare to attend Tristram's school prize-giving event, and Mildred tries to hide the evidence after an incident with a bag of cement.
"Yeah, it means you can't park on it."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S4E2 DAYS OF BEER AND ROSIE
Originally broadcast: 23 November 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey's furious about being given a parking ticket by his neighbour, George turns to an old friend to find out what happened on V.E. night, and talk of being a dad and a granddad leaves Mildred feeling left out.
"Just for my sake. I'm not asking you to apologise, just say you're sorry."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S4E3 YOU MUST HAVE SHOWERS
Originally broadcast: 30 November 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred sets her heart on having a shower installed like the Fourmiles, a check round for prices shows that Jerry is the only affordable option, and the keep fit group get a shock when they meet George for the first time.
"I don't care if it takes all week... 24 hours!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S4E4 ALL WORK AND NO PAY
Originally broadcast: 7 December 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey moans about pigeons constantly dropping on his new sports car, George is encouraged to stand up to his boss by offering his resignation, and Jerry sets his sights on the final wage packet to pay for a delivery.
"I don't need them all the time, just when I want to see things."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S4E5 NAPPY DAYS
Originally broadcast: 14 December 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred's delighted when she's asked to look after Tarquin for the day, the Fourmiles suffer a breakdown on the way back from a funeral, and George is left with a problem when he gets a call from the darts team.
"'e always 'as a turnip in 'is pocket for the 'orse."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S4E6 THE MATING GAME
Originally broadcast: 21 December 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
George insists on taking Truffles to the vet when she comes into season, a chance to sell pedigree puppies means a call to Mildred's sister, and Jeffrey starts to put on weight when he replaces cigarettes with sweets.
"I don't think he's even seen a bitch, I keep him with me all the time."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S4E7 ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS
Originally broadcast: 27 December 1978
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred discovers that even her mother's Christmas is better than hers, Jeffrey tries to teach George a lesson by thrashing him at video tennis, and a visit from Ethel and Humphrey means a hunt for replacement gifts.
"They're rather large, but you've got the ears to take them."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
Onion Jack's rating:

SERIES FIVE


8 episodes
Series Score: 59
Episode Average: 7.38
Perfect 10's: 0
S5E1 FINDERS KEEPERS?
Originally broadcast: 24 October 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey protests about Tristram hanging around with council estate kids, George pays a visit to the police station after finding a credit card, and Mildred feels obliged to return an anniversary gift to the charity shop.
"Ah, illiterate... yeah. Is there one L in illiterate or two?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E2 IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
Originally broadcast: 31 October 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Jeffrey worries about the neighbours when Tristram asks to camp in the garden, George is left on his own when Mildred goes into hospital, and Jerry turns up asking for a huge favour when his landlord kicks him out.
"Oh, no, no. No, thank you. No coffee for me, it give me the gallops."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E3 THE LAST STRAW
Originally broadcast: 6 November 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred realises that she doesn't fit in with her middle-class neighbours, George suggests moving downmarket to the area where he grew up, and talk of emigrating to Australia sees Jeffrey rush out to get information.
"I was considered a bit of a toff when I lived there. Mainly 'cos I used to change me socks every month."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E4 A DRIVING AMBITION
Originally broadcast: 13 November 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Ann accidentally lets slip that Mildred's keep fit classes have finished, Tristram's told that he can't keep having advances on his pocket money, and George asks for advice after seeing his wife out with another man.
"Well, what about this one then...
'Lots o' Bran,
Let's have a bit,
Next thing you know,
You're having a...'"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E5 A MILITARY PICKLE
Originally broadcast: 27 November 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred looks into getting a new car when her insurance policy matures, Jeffrey blames the council estate for a rise in the local crime rates, and George learns that he's a deserter after receiving his 1949 call-up papers.
"Guilty, and I'd like some blackberries to be taken into consideration."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E6 FISHY BUSINESS
Originally broadcast: 4 December 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred accidentally flushes Moby the goldfish down the kitchen sink, a visit to the pet shop sees a pigeon coop swiftly erected in the garden, and Jeffrey demands that George do something about his old motorbike.
"Are you being deliberately obese?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E7 I GOTTA HORSE
Originally broadcast: 18 December 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Mildred insists that it's time to buy a car to replace the motorbike, Ethel learns that her sister may have inherited a valuable china horse, and Jeffrey reacts badly when Tristram brings a new pet home from school.
"Yeah, filthy and full of rubbish. I shall have to have a bath. I only had one a couple of weeks ago, too."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S5E8 THE TWENTY SIX YEAR ITCH
Originally broadcast: 25 December 1979
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer, Brian Cooke
Ann prepares to take the kids to visit their grandmother, Jeffrey's faced with having to take Mildred to a Young Conservatives dinner dance, and George manages to strike up a conversation with the new barmaid in the pub.
"Soft lights, brown ale, almost forgot the pickled onions."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
Onion Jack's rating:

George & Mildred (1980)
FILM


FILM GEORGE & MILDRED
Originally released: 1980
Directed by: Peter Frazer-Jones
Written by: Dick Sharples
Mildred decides that she wants to spend her anniversary at a posh hotel, a trip back in time leads to a restaurant under new management, and a novel solution to a parking problem sees George mistaken for a hitman.
"We don't discuss you, it encourage Tristram to pick up bad language."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3
Onion Jack's rating:

Characters
Onion Jack's rating:

Onion Jack's rating:

JEFFREY FOURMILE
Played by Norman Eshley
38 episodes
(1976-1979)
in... On the Second Day of Christmas (S2E3)
Onion Jack's rating:

Onion Jack's rating:

Onion Jack's rating:

ETHEL PUMPHREY
Played by Avril Elgar
8 episodes
(1976-1979)
in... No Business Like Show Business (S2E7)
Onion Jack's rating:


Part of the
British Comedy Collection
George and Mildred decide to move upmarket when the council force them to sell their house... much to the horror of the estate agent next door.
SERIES SCORES
Series 1: 7.20
Series 2: 7.29
Series 3: 7.33
Series 4: 7.43
Series 5: 7.38
HOLY GODIVA
1. No Business Like Show Business
(Series 2, Episode 7 - 1977)
2. The Delivery Man
(Series 3, Episode 5 - 1978)
3. Where My Caravan Has Rested
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 1976)
4. Best Foot Forward
(Series 1, Episode 8 - 1976)
5. I Gotta Horse
(Series 5, Episode 7 - 1979)ONION JACK
1. The Delivery Man
(Series 3, Episode 5 - 1978)
2. A Driving Ambition
(Series 5, Episode 4 - 1979)
3. My Husband Next Door
(Series 1, Episode 9 - 1976)
4. Jumble Pie
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 1977)
5. The Unkindest Cut of All
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 1977)
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